


Broken Things

by JayLin2314



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Art, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Family Bonding, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Galra Keith (Voltron), Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Moving On, Physical Abuse, Post Season 8, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shit Gets Dark, Swearing, Team Dynamics, Team as Family, Two Years Later, be prepared, blade of marmora, fighting pits, gladiator style match
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2020-04-06 20:21:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 85,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19069966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayLin2314/pseuds/JayLin2314
Summary: “I am going to kill you.” Lance was seeing red. His fingers wrapped so tightly around the blade in his hand, it felt like an extension of his own body.“Not today, little lion.”“If you fucking touch him I will –“The Galra was suddenly leaning down – his yellow eyes only inches away from Lance’s. His words, a whisper in Lance’s ear: A threat; a promise. “Oh, I am not going to touch him. He is the half-breed son of the woman who murdered my sister. He is the leader of Voltron. No, I am not going to touch him…I am going to break him.”Or: Two years after season 8, a Blade mission goes wrong, and Keith is perceived to be dead. Lance refuses to believe that, and goes in search of him. What he finds, however, is worse than anything he imagined.





	1. Lost

**Author's Note:**

> According to my Tumblr, the general consensus was that people were interested in reading this, so…you asked for it!
> 
> I might add more tags later, but at the moment PLEASE READ THE TAGS to see if this is something you are comfortable with.  
> I can tell you up front, I do not plan on including anything explicit, but we will be dealing with the emotional and mental ramifications of traumatic situations.
> 
> There will be a lot of good, too, but it will be dark – so just be prepared!

 

 

 

LOST

 

 

 

 

Lance paused to wipe sweat from his face with the collar of his shirt. He was reaching for the water bottle lying in the dirt beside the row he’d been planting when a sharp and unexpected sound cut through the quiet mid morning air. He spun around, excitement flooding his chest.

The front lawn of his family’s house was not visible from the field where he knelt, but that bark could only mean one thing.

Not bothering to finish his work, he hurriedly packed up and sprinted toward the back door.

He was sweaty.

He was probably a little sunburned.

He most likely smelled gross.

There was dirt on his pants from where he had been kneeling in the field.

But none of those things mattered.

What was a little sweat and dirt when someone had already seen you at your absolute lowest point and had not judged you for it?

He dropped his tools in the shed behind the house, trying not to grin like a maniac. It had been too long since the last visit.

Not bothering to brush the dirt from his clothes, Lance slipped in the back door, kicking off his boots.

He could already picture how this was going to go down: Kosmo would leap at him first, demanding to be patted, and of course Lance would oblige. He would focus all of his attention on the wolf until he heard the voice he’d been missing laugh and tell Kosmo to leave Lance alone. He would be helped to his feet by a gloved hand – barely even given a chance to glimpse the man before him before he would be pulled into a hug. He would squeeze back, laughing, and when they separated, he would be faced with a bright smile that never failed to make his day better.

Lance could feel his heartbeat increase in anticipation as he followed the soft sound of voices, making his way toward the dining room.

Kosmo was the first to greet him – just as he knew he would be – zapping out of thin air in front of Lance as he approached the open doorway.

Except Kosmo usually greeted him with an excited bark and a leap so powerful it knocked him off his feet. There was no bark this time, however; no excited ball of fur and slobber flying at him.

Kosmo only stepped forward, bumping his head against Lance’s thigh, and whined.

Lance was immediately on his knees in front of the animal, stroking the long fur around his cheeks.

“Hey, buddy,” he crooned. “What’s wrong? Has Keith been mean to you? He can be like that sometimes but we both know he doesn’t mean it.”

“Lance?”

“Yeah, I’m here,” he called in answer to his sister’s voice from the dining room.

“Can you come in here please?”

Lance frowned as he rose to his feet. Something was off about this. Kosmo wasn’t happy and his sister sounded strangely solemn. Kosmo stayed close to his side as he rounded the corner and entered the room, taking in the scene that lay before him.

One of Veronica’s hands rested on Acxa’s back as she slumped forward in her chair.

Lance’s eyes traveled from the two women, peering around – checking every corner of the room. “Hey, where’s –“

“Lance,” Veronica cut him off.

Tendrils of fear began to curl through his stomach, reaching for his heart. “What’s going on?”

Acxa raised her head – and the fear took hold, squeezing with an iron grip. She wiped at the tear-streaks on her cheeks, clearing her throat. “Our last mission… something went wrong. Everything went wrong.” Her eyes met Lance’s across the room, and he felt the world caving in around him. “Keith’s not here, Lance. We lost him.”

Lance stared at her, unblinking. His jaw clenched as his lips pulled down at the edged into a scowl. “Well go find him.”

“ _Lance_.” The warning was sharp and clear in Veronica’s voice.

“What?” Lance demanded. “If he’s lost then we have to find him! He would never leave anyone behind. You know he –“

“Lost as in gone. Lost as in _dead!_ ”

It was as if Acxa had hurled a knife across the room – the blade burying itself deep in Lance’s chest. He tried to draw in a breath, but Acxa’s words beat down on him, getting louder and louder with every tumultuous thud of his heart: _Lost…gone…dead…lost…gone…dead…lost…gone –_

“No.”

“I’m sorry, Lance.” Veronica moved around the dining room table, arms held out as if to comfort him.

But Lance had been expecting different arms. He had been expecting warmth and smiles and happiness. “No!” he repeated, denial settling into his heart and taking root. “You’re lying.”

“You know we would never lie about this.” Veronica’s eyes were gentle and sad. She continued toward him, but Lance backed away.

“Please –“ his ribs were squeezing his chest too tightly for him to finish the sentence. He could feel his heartbeat reverberating through every inch of his body – pounding in his ears like a drum. _Please – you don’t understand. I need you to be lying. Please let him walk through the doorway any second now and reprimand everyone for being so cruel to his poor, broken friend._

“There was an attack.” Acxa’s voice sounded muted and far away over the pounding in his head. “We were on Morath, doing relief work. The attack came out of nowhere. Initially, we thought it was a planetary raid, but it soon became clear that we were the intended target. We were able to get to cover, but our enemy did not let up. There were ships all around us, landing on the planet’s surface. Keith ordered us to make a run for our ship while he held them off. We barely made it in time before the explosion hit. There was smoke and fire everywhere. I could barely see anything through it all – but I caught a glimpse of one of our enemies dragging a body away from the flames and onto their ship. I saw – I saw the trail of blood he left up the ship’s ramp.”

“But you don’t actually know.” Lance’s head was swimming as he tried to focus on anything except the picture Acxa’s story had left in his mind’s eye. “He could still be alive.”

Acxa’s eyes narrowed. “I know how much blood is a fatal amount, paladin. And even if I am wrong – even if he survived the explosion and his injuries – it was the Galra who attacked us. Surviving Galra from the prime of the Empire. I know how they treat half-breeds like us.” She angrily swiped at another tear that escaped her lashes. “Except it will be worse for him. These Galra factions view Voltron as their mortal enemy. They will know exactly who he is, and they will consider him directly responsible for the current state of their miserable lives.”

“I don’t believe you.” Acxa started to snap at him, but Lance cut her off, his voice hoarse and choked. “No, I don’t fucking care what you say. I _won’t_ believe you until I actually see him for myself!”

The chair clattered to the floor as Acxa shot out of her seat, fists clenching at her sides. “I know you never liked me, but the least you could do is remember that he was my friend, too! Don’t you think I tried to do everything in my power to save him? Who are you to judge me, anyway? At least I was there! At least I’ve been there for him when he needs me, instead of just the other way around!”

“Acxa!” Veronica tried to reign in the quickly escalating situation, positioning herself between her brother and her girlfriend.

Lance wanted to lash out at her. He wanted to scream and yell and hit something as hard as he could…except she was right.

How many times had Keith been there for him? How many times had he been there without Lance ever having to ask? And what had Lance ever done to return that kindness?

_You weren’t there._ The words whispered through his mind, slithering around what little confidence he had been able to build up over the past two years. _You weren’t there for him…and now it’s too late._

 

_Too late._

It was like a chisel driven into the protective layer around his heart, cracking the shell and leaving his emotions vulnerable and exposed.

Lance was on the ground, unsure of how he had gotten there. His knees stung and his chest burned as he tried to draw in breath. From somewhere above him, he vaguely heard his sister speaking soothing words – a hand on his back, rubbing over his shoulder blades and down his spine.

Water dripped onto his hands as he gasped for air, and some still controlled corner of his mind supplied the correct word: _Tears_.

_I can’t – I can’t do this. I can’t lose him, too. I can’t lose him…_

“We have to tell the others,” he heard Veronica say, her voice grim. “It will be easier if they are all together.” There was a pause and then an arm was wrapping around Lance’s shoulder, giving him a squeeze. “Lance, you should come, too. It will be good for you to be with everyone.”

After the warmth of her arm left his back, he still could not bring himself to move from the floor. A gentle nudge at his elbow, and a soft whine finally drew him out of his stupor. Kosmo’s wet nose nuzzled against Lance’s cheek, and he buried his face in the wolf’s fur.

“I’m sorry, buddy,” Lance croaked. “I wasn’t there for him. I wasn’t there, and now I will never –“

He grunted in surprise as Kosmo bowed his head and took Lance’s hand in his teeth. He expected to feel pain as the wolf bit down, but Kosmo just held his hand lightly in his jaws, giving it a small tug.

Lance pulled away to look at the animal. The wolf was staring at him, and something about his eyes made Lance’s tears subside.

A soft growl issued from the wolf’s throat, but it was not an aggressive sound. It was almost as if he was trying to convey a message.

It wasn’t a ridiculous idea, either, the more Lance thought about it. Kosmo was not just an ordinary wolf, after all. He had an intelligence about him, and a strong connection to his master.

Lance drew back further, looking at the animal with wide eyes as an idea occurred to him. A wild idea that came so out of nowhere, he almost wondered if Kosmo had been able to implant it into his mind. “You don’t think he’s dead, do you?”

Kosmo’s jaw opened, releasing Lance’s hand, and he gave it a lick.

“Okay.” Lance stared at him in awe for a moment because reaching up to stroke his ears. “Okay, then, bud. I’m going to find him.”

Kosmo let out a bark, lunging forward and tackling Lance to the ground.

 

 

  

The rest of the team was already present when Veronica, Acxa, and Lance walked into Shiro’s office at the Garrison.

Pidge was in the middle of describing the work she was doing with her mother to crossbreed alien plant-life with earth’s to create better medicines for all life on the planet. She stopped as they walked in, looking up from where she perched on the edge of Shiro’s desk. Shiro looked up as well, getting to his feet as he saw who had entered, a warm smile on his face.

“Hey!” Hunk jumped up from the couch, greeting them all with a wide, bright smile and a wave – before he noticed the expressions the three of them wore. “Um…guys? What’s going on? Why did you call us all to meet here? I thought it was just because we were all on Earth at the same time.”

It had been a while since they had all been in the same place at the same time, Lance realized.

_Except we’re not,_ his mind supplied. _We might never –_ He shook the thought off before it could be finished

Veronica was saying something to Hunk that Lance didn’t hear because as she spoke, he felt eyes on him. He had not even attempted to mask the pain on his face, or the redness of his own eyes – and he knew Shiro could see something was wrong the minute Lance turned to look at him.

Shiro held his gaze for a long moment, taking in the state of his face; the posture of his body, before his eyes dropped to look at the wolf at Lance’s side. Lance saw it the moment the thought entered Shiro’s mind. His eyes widened, a flicker of disbelief flashing across his face. He placed one hand on his desk as if to steady himself as his eyes found Lance’s again – the look in them plainly saying _Please tell me it’s not that._

And Lance had to look away because he wasn’t sure he could handle watching Shiro break down.

His fingers wound through Kosmo’s fur, trying to find anything to grasp onto that would provide even the most minuscule speck of relief and comfort.

“Hey, if you’re here, does that mean Keith’s coming, too?” Pidge’s voice broke through the soft buzzing in his ears. “It’s kindof weird that Kosmo’s here without him. Lance did you steal Keith’s wolf?”

He couldn’t look at her. He couldn’t look at any of them. He pressed his lips together, clenching his teeth – trying to hold himself together.

“Just say it.” Shiro’s quiet command filled the room.

There was one breathless moment of silence before Acxa began to speak.

“No, Keith will not be joining us,” she said. “We were attacked during our last mission. He held them off while we got to the ship but…there was an explosion. The last I saw of him, he was bleeding and unresponsive and being dragged onto the enemy’s ship.” She drew in a breath, straightening her spine. “Even if by some miracle he survived, he was captured by a gang of rogue Galra from the days of the Empire. He is a half-breed, and a former paladin of Voltron. They will not keep him alive for long. And if they do…he will be better off dead.”

“So…we’re going to go get him, right?” Ever the optimist, Hunk didn’t wait for the news of Acxa’s report to sink in and drag them all down. “He could still be alive, so we have to get to him before they can do anything bad. We have to leave now!” He looked around at the faces in the room. “Right?” When no response was forthcoming, he tried again, his confidence wavering. “Lance?”

Lance raised his head, then, eyes cold as he looked at Acxa. “Like she said, they think he’s already dead. They think any attempt at a rescue is hopeless.” He paused, fierce determination settling into the pit of his stomach. “I don’t give a fuck what they think.” He turned to Hunk, who’s eyes widened a little at the look on his friend’s face. “I am going after him. I am not giving up on him because he can’t be –“ The reality of the unsaid words crashed into Lance so suddenly and without warning, he almost had to gasp for air. “He can’t –“ he tried again, and failed.

“Keith is a survivor.” There were moments when Lance forgot how small and young Pidge actually was. The way she held herself now – the way she spoke, the expression in her eyes – commanded everyone’s attention. “More than any of us. More than anyone I have ever met. And he is a part of this team. If there’s even the slightest chance he’s still alive, we have to find him.”

“We have no way of knowing where he was taken!” Acxa protested.

“I found my brother when there was no hope and no leads! We go back to the planet where you were attacked and we find a clue! We ask around; we start somewhere. We do _something_.” Pidge jabbed a finger in Acxa’s face. “It sounds like you don’t even want to try. I thought he was your friend, too!”

“You weren’t there!” Acxa’s temper flared up again. Hunk tried to intervene, but she spoke over him. “You didn’t see what I saw. You don’t know what I know about the Galra! What you are suggesting is either going to turn into a dead end or a suicide mission.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Lance cut in before Pidge could respond. “He would do it for us. He would have already left. We’re wasting time standing around here.”

“And what if you find nothing?” Acxa snapped. “What if you make all that effort only to find –“

“He’s not dead!” Lance’s shout silenced the room. “I can’t have someone else die! I couldn’t do anything to save Allura, but I can do something now.” He looked around at the faces staring back at him – worried, sorrowful, startled. “It’s Keith. Please, Acxa – it’s _Keith_. We have to try.”

No one spoke. They exchanged glances, apparently unsure of what to say after the outburst; unsure of what to address first – the present issue, or the lingering one from the past.

It was Shiro who finally broke the silence.

“Keith was the black paladin. Even though Voltron is gone, he was still the leader, and that will never change. Lance was the red paladin, and in Keith’s absence, Lance is in command. We do as he says.” Shiro did not wait for a response as he stepped around his desk and walked out of the room.

Lance stared after him, dumbstruck for a moment, before he whirled and hurried after the man.

Shiro didn’t stop walking when Lance called after him the first time. Thinking he must have just not heard, he called again, louder.

Shiro halted, his back to Lance. As Lance approached, he slowly turned, and Lance found himself staring into the glistening eyes of his childhood hero.

Before Lance could speak, however, Shiro dropped a heavy hand onto his shoulder. “Thank you –” his voice was steady, despite the unshed tears. “For not giving up on him. It will mean more to him than you know.”

“There is no way any of us would have –“

“No, Lance.” Shiro’s face softened. “Because it was you who made the decision first.”

“I don’t see why that would –“

“Lance,” Shiro interrupted. “Think about if your situations were switched. If you had been captured and he was here, hearing the news. What would he be doing right now?”

After Allura had sacrificed herself and they had all returned to Earth, Lance had tried time and again to push Keith away. He had needed Keith in that time – he had needed to not be alone and to not feel isolated – but he hadn’t had the courage to admit it. But no matter how distant Lance was, or whatever cruel, spiteful words he hurled at his friend during those times, Keith had remained resolute. He had stayed. He had shown up on Lance’s doorstep, or woken up early to help in the fields after Lance’s family started the farm. He had slept on the uncomfortable couch and attempted to cook breakfast in the mornings. He had been there to talk if Lance needed. He had been there to just sit quietly – doing no more than making his presence known. Proving to Lance that he was not alone; that he would never be alone.

 

“Whatever it takes,” Lance whispered, feeling tears prickle in his eyes.

“Whatever it takes,” Shiro echoed, removing his hand and turning to leave. “That is what he would do for you. He would never ask you to do the same. He would never expect it. That is why I am thanking you. Because he deserves to know that you – that someone would do the same for him in return. I am going to inform the Garrison what has happened and request Pidge and myself be given time off from our duties so we can fix this.”

Lance watched Shiro’s retreating back until he rounded a corner and disappeared from view, the man’s words plaguing him.

_He does know, doesn’t he?_ But all Lance could hear was Acxa’s voice echoing through his head: _At least I’ve been there for him when he needs me, not just the other way around!_

Keith had to know how much he meant to Lance – to all of them.

Except Lance knew he had never actually spoken the words out loud – and if he hadn’t, he doubted the others had, either.

The farther his thoughts traveled down that path, the stronger one nagging doubt became, nudging its way to the forefront of his mind.

_What if you’re too late? What if he dies believing no one cared enough to go after him? What if he dies thinking he meant nothing to you?_

It took all of Lance’s willpower to shove the thought away. He could ask himself _what ifs_ all day long, but it wouldn’t do any good.

Turning sharply on his heels, he headed back to the office to rejoin the rest of the team and figure out a plan of action.

 

_If your situations were switched…what would he be doing right now?_

 

Lance realized it didn’t matter if the situations were switched or not. The answer would always be the same, either way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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	2. Code

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No warning on this chapter. Just a couple fluffy flashbacks.

 CODE

 

 

 

**Twenty-One Months Ago:**

 

_“I’m leaving tomorrow with Krolia and my wolf.”_

_Lance made a face at Keith’s continued refusal to call the animal by the name they had all agreed upon earlier. He busied himself, clearing away the empty containers of take-out that littered the coffee table. “For how long?”_

_“I’m not really sure. But probably at least a couple deca-phoebes.”_

_The container Lance had just picked up slipped through his fingers and dropped to the floor. Grains of rice and the remnants of sauce spilled onto the carpet. Before either of them could move, Kosmo zapped through the air and greedily lapped up the spillage._

_Lance bent down to pick up the container, trying to hide the slight trembling of his hands. “Well, at least we don’t have to clean up. Should he even eat that stuff? Is it bad for space wolves?”_

_“Who knows? He grew up eating these crab creatures and whatever else we could find in the quantum abyss – plus whatever we had on hand in the lions, so I think he can probably eat whatever he wants.” Keith paused, then added thoughtfully. “I haven’t given him chocolate, though, just to be safe.”_

_Lance’s lips pulled into a smile, but it was tight and did not reach his eyes – and immediately dropped from his face as he turned and trudged to the kitchen._

_Once there was a wall separating him from Keith in the living room, he let out a shaky breath, blinking against the stinging in his eyes._

**_Don’t be an idiot,_** _he reprimanded himself, letting the contents of his arms_ _drop into the garbage._ **_You’ve taken him away from everything far too much already. He has his own life to live. It’s not his problem that you haven’t figured out how to live yours again. It’s not up to him to fix you._** _He stepped over to the sink to wash his hands, letting the noise of the tap drown out his tearful sniff._

_“Lance?”_

_He hadn’t heard Keith approach, and jumped a little in surprise. “Jesus, man! Don’t sneak up on me like that.”_

_“You’re going to be fine. You know that, right?”_

_Lance couldn’t look at him. He shut off the water, reaching down for a dishtowel before placing both hands on the edge of the sink. “Yeah, of course. I don’t need you. You’ve got more important things to focus on. Go and save the universe!”_

_There was a moment of silence, and then he heard the soft padding of Keith’s feet on the kitchen floor as he came to stand beside Lance. He folded his arms across his chest and leaned one hip against the counter. “You’re right. You don’t need me. You’re stronger than you think.” There was a pause, and when he spoke again, his voice was soft, “But that doesn’t mean I won’t be here for you.”_

_“But you won’t.” Lance hadn’t meant to say it out loud._

_Keith’s hand found his shoulder, and he gently but firmly turned Lance around so they were facing one another. “Hey. Just because I am not physically here with you doesn’t mean we’re going to be cut off completely. You can message me anytime you want. Anytime you need to talk, and I –“_

_“It’s not your problem. Don’t worry about it.”_

_Keith’s face twisted. It would have been easier for Lance if it had been pity he saw in his friend’s eyes. Pity, he could protest. Pity he could scoff at. Pity he could dismiss. But Keith looked at him with a kind of grim understanding, and he hated that almost as much as he hated the way he was feeling in that moment._

_“It’s only been three months. Let yourself feel what you are feeling.”_

_Lance did scoff at that, tilting his head up and rolling his eyes. “Right. People won’t get tired of that too quickly. I know they want me to move on already. I know they expect me to get over it.”_

_“You lost someone you love. You’re not going to get over it.”_

_Lance brought his head down, his gaze piercing as he met Keith’s eyes. His hands rose into the space that separated them – palms up, imploring. “Then what’s the fucking point, Keith? What’s the point of anything?”_

_“No, I mean –“ Keith sighed, chewing on his bottom lip as he searched for the right words. “You won’t get over it, but it will get easier. You will be able to live your life the way you always should, but that doesn’t mean it will ever fully go away. Do you remember what my mom was saying last time – about keeping memories alive? Even thought it hurts, you don’t ever want those feelings to completely go away, because that would mean we are forgetting all the people who shaped our lives. None of us will ever forget her, Lance. All you can do is find a way to live for the people you’ve lost…not live bogged down by the regret of what might have been.”_

_Lance scowled at him, annoyed that it made sense; annoyed that it helped, because he wasn’t ready to feel better just yet. **Maybe it is a good thing that he’s leaving for a while** , he thought. **It’ll give you plenty of time to wallow in peace.**_

_“I hate you sometimes, you know that?” But hate was the farthest thing from Lance’s mind._

_Keith gave him a little half smile. “Yeah, I know.” He straightened up, taking a step back and tilting his head. “But this…this is exactly why we are going to come up with something; a code or a phrase or something – so that if I am not here and you need me for whatever reason, you can message me that word and I will drop everything I’m doing so we can talk.”_

_“That’s stupid. What if you’re in the middle of a fight?”_

_“Then I’ll stop and tell them to hang on for a moment while I call you back.”_

_The burst of laughter that escaped Lance’s throat surprised him. “Yeah, but the thing is, I can actually imagine you doing that.” He grabbed a wooden spoon from the sink, brandishing it like a sword. “Surrounded by enemies – fighting for your life, and then_ … ** _pling!”_** _He made the notification noise, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his phone. “’Oh hang on, vicious, murderous enemy aliens. Can we all just put a pin in this fight for a tick? My poor, sad friend needs to talk.’”_

_Keith smirked at him, unfazed. “I’m sure they will understand.”_

__

_Lance snorted, slipping the phone back into his pocket. “Okay, fine.” He held one finger up in Keith’s face. “But mostly because I actually want you to stop a battle so we can have a heart-to-heart chat.”_

_Keith gently pushed the finger aside. “What do you want the code to be?”_

_Lance considered it for a moment. Then, slowly, a grin stretched across his face. “It should be an interactive one, like a two part code from spy movies. You know – I say one thing and you respond with the second half.”_

_Keith raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue._

_Lance’s grin broadened. “If I need to talk or whatever, I’ll message you ‘when I saw vol you say –‘ and you message back –“ He motioned for Keith to supply the rest._

_“’Voltron.’” It came out like a groan, but Lance knew his friend well enough, now, to catch the smile Keith was trying to hide. “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”_

_“Nope. It’s prime blackmail material for anyone who talks you up as being ‘super cool and edgy.’” He reached out and tapped the spoon softly against the top of Keith’s head. “I know the truth, you fucking dork.”_

 

 

 

**Present Day:**

 

Lance leaned against the side of the shop, arms crossed over his chest. He watched the inhabitants of Morath stroll past through the eyes of his Blade mask. Most of the passersby gave him a wide berth once they saw the uniform Acxa had given him to wear.

It was true, the Blade had come a long way in their humanitarian efforts after the fall of the Empire, but it would take a while longer, still, before they were viewed without a little trepidation.

“Paladin.”

He turned his head to see Acxa stepping through the door to the shop.

Veronica had been the one to convince her to accompany Lance, and he suspected Acxa had agreed partially just to put his sister’s mind at ease. Veronica was stubborn – and _immovable_ when it came to matters concerning her family – especially with matters concerning her baby brother when he was about to do something reckless.

“You know you can call me by my name, right?”

She ignored him. “I was able to get some information regarding the Galra who attacked us before. That was apparently not the first time they have been seen in this quadrant.” Her lip twitched, curling up just a little, like an animal snarling. “If we had been given this information beforehand, maybe we could have been prepared and avoided –“ She broke off, shaking her head. “They call themselves the Karva-Sel. That was all he was able to tell me, but perhaps your colleague – the green paladin – would be able to look into this for us.”

“Pidge,” Lance corrected. “Or Katie. Or, if you really want her to get something done quickly, just ask specifically to speak to ‘the Smartest Most Amazing Human at the Garrison.’”

“Will she not assist us unless we use that conceited title?”

Lance rolled his eyes. “Seriously? How does my sister even get along with you if you can’t spot a joke when you hear one?” Shaking his head, he pulled up the communication display on his wrist-guard. “You really don’t understand what this means to us, do you? She will help us even if we called her something ridiculous like _Pythagorean Theorem_. Pidge loves her family more than anything – and she thinks of Keith like a brother.”

“She already has a brother.”

Lance glanced down to see Matt’s face filling the holographic screen he had pulled up.

“Am I not enough?” Matt made his eyes overly wide, blinking dramatically several times. “Do I need to make fun of her even more? I’m already starting to run out of pranks to pull without this added pressure!”

“Like you’d ever run out of pranks.”

“Seriously, Matt –“ Pidge’s voice sounded from off screen, moving closer as she continued. “If Lance is being the sensible one in this conversation, you’re lost. Now get out of the way.” A hand entered the frame, shoving Matt roughly to the side, and then Lance was looking at his friend. She sat down, adjusting her glasses. “Have you found anything?” It was obvious she was trying to keep the anxiousness out of her voice, but Pidge had never been good at concealing her feelings.

“Maybe. We found the name of the Galra who attacked them and captured Keith. Do you think you could find any information with just that?” Lance glanced at Acxa. “What was it? Karva-Sel?”

“I’ve worked with less. I’ll see what I can do.” Pidge was already typing away on the keyboard in front of her. “I’ll have Hunk and Shiro ask around –“

“And Matt!” came a shout from somewhere off screen.

“And Matt,” Pidge added. “I’ll have them ask around the Garrison and in the market. Maybe someone will have heard of that name before and can help us.” She paused, glancing up from the screen. “I’ll tell them…to let everyone know why we’re asking.” The glare of the screen before her reflected on her glasses hiding her eyes from Lance’s view, but the small, watery sniff she gave revealed the feelings she was trying to fight down. “We’re going to find him, Lance. As soon as I know anything I will contact you – and then we will choose a place to rendezvous.”

“We’ll keep searching here in the meantime. Good luck.” Lance ended the call and turned back to his companion. “Do you have any other contacts who might have information about this group?”

Acxa shook her head. “Not aside from the obvious. I will do all I can to keep attempting to contact them, but…”

Lance nodded, feeling the weight of the names left unsaid.

Everything would have been easier if they had been able to reach Krolia and Kolivan. As the ones in charge of the Blade’s operations – the ones who had been part of this organization for longer than Keith was even alive – they would have contacts and ways of gaining information that neither Lance or Acxa was privy to.

And Krolia would move heaven and earth to save her son.

That was not even an exaggeration, in Lance’s mind. He truly believed she was literally capable of doing something like that.

 

 

Earlier, after Pidge and Shiro had gone off to work out the details of their leave with the Garrison, and Hunk had left to make arrangements with Shay and his chain of restaurants, Lance had immediately opened a communication channel from Shiro’s desk.

Keith had given him the contact information for the Blade’s headquarters, and several codes he could use so they would know to trust him.

During that conversation Keith had ended up in tears, laughing harder than Lance ever remembered as he had struggled to master the harsh, guttural pronunciations of the Galra code words. After a while Lance had given up on acting annoyed and let the laughter take hold of him as well. He had ended up on the floor, gasping for breath. It had only set them off again when Lance’s nephew had waltzed into the room and, after asking what was so funny, gave one perfect pronunciation of the word to signal _emergency_.

 

That was the word Lance used over the channel, giving Krolia’s name as well.

“Apologies, but that operative is unavailable at this time.”

“What? Didn’t you hear what I said? Make her available!”

“I cannot do that,” said the speaker on the other end – a small Galra girl who looked very nervous. She was probably new. “Leaders Krolia and Kolivan are off world. Their mission is of a classified nature, and we have been ordered to have zero contact with them until they return.”

“Can you at least tell me when that will be?” Lance felt himself deflate.

The girl shook her head. “They have only given us a rough estimate, which would put their return time to at least two more movements. These things are not guaranteed, though.”

“Okay, okay.” Lance chewed on his lower lip. “But if there is anything you can do to reach them…Krolia will want to know because it involves her son.”

The girl perked up unexpectedly at that, eyes widening. “Keith? What happened?”

Her reaction caught Lance off guard, and suddenly – inexplicably – he wondered if Keith was involved with any members of the Blade…if there was some beautiful, fierce Galra warrior who should also be informed of Keith’s capture. If someone was waiting for him to call, growing more worried and desperate by the moment.

“Keith was captured by a rogue group of Galra during his recent mission to Morath. I am going after him. Krolia will want to know.”

“Wait a tick –“ The girl frowned, and Lance could hear her fingers tapping on a keyboard. “The mission to Morath…I just saw that report. Hold on.” She paused, her gaze shifting, eyes darting back and forth as she read something on her screen. “You mean this is about Keith? ‘Mission to Morath: Relief Effort,’” she read. “’Ambush. Heavy fire from unknown assailant of Galra origin. Planet’s inhabitants and infrastructure intact. One member of Blade team MIA, presumed deceased.’” She raised her eyes to Lance’s again through the screen. “That’s Keith?”

Abruptly, Lance wanted to end the call. “Yes,” he said shortly. “As I said, I am going after him, so if there’s any way to contact Krolia –“

“But…the orders are not to pursue. It says he is presumed deceased, and the Blade –“

“I’m not part of the Blade!” Lance snapped. “I don’t give a fuck what your orders are. I’m going after my friend, and his mother will want to know!”

The girl ducked her head. “I understand. I…I will do what I can.”

“Thank you.” He did not wait for her to respond as he shut off the video. He stared at the far wall of Shiro’s office, breathing hard – hating how angry that report had made him feel.

_One member of the Blade team MIA, presumed deceased._

The wording of that was so wrong. After everything Keith had done for the universe…they were just going to let him be an unnamed member of the Blade? His memory was going to be nothing more than one impersonal sentence on a mission report?

Kosmo must have sensed his distress, because he got up from where he had been curled at the side of the desk and plopped his head onto Lance’s thigh.

“Don’t worry, buddy,” Lance said, stroking the wolf between the eyes. “I’m going to make this right. I’m going to find him and take him back to Blade headquarters so I can watch him tell everyone off about not using operatives’ names in mission reports. You’ll have to come alone, of course, so he can stand on your back while he yells at Kolivan. You have to do these things eye to eye.”

Kosmo let out a tiny huff through his nose, and Lance was convinced he had just made Keith’s space wolf laugh.

 

 

 

**Twenty-Two Months Ago:**

 

_It was a good day._

_Lance had woken up before sunrise, preparing to spend the morning out in the field planting the portion of the crop he had not gotten to the previous day._

_The work was good. It was good to have something to do with his hands. It was good to feel like he was accomplishing something, no matter how small and insignificant._

_The only downside was that this kind of work left him alone with his thoughts, and some days he had to fight not to spiral out of control._

_His thoughts on that morning were just starting to take a dark turn when a shadow fell across his face. He looked up, expecting to see his dad or maybe even Luis who helped out whenever they could._

_The fact that it was Keith who crouched down beside him, rolling up his sleeves and grabbing a pack of seeds to start on his own row was not a surprise to Lance. The surprise was that Krolia stood at her son’s side, accepting the seeds and the trowel Keith handed to her, and moving further down the row after he explained what was required._

_Keith had an uncanny ability to sense when Lance wasn’t in the mood for talking, and he only offered a brief smile and a pat on the shoulder before getting to work beside his mother._

_After that, the silence was more bearable, because Lance’s thoughts no longer traveled down the shadowed path of guilt. Instead, all he could think of throughout the morning were the two figured working several feet away from him._

_His thoughts lingered mostly to Krolia, and the fact that she was here._

_Ever since he had met her, Lance had always felt an unexplainable need to prove himself in her eyes. He wanted her approval, and the only reason he could come up with was the fact that she was Keith’s mother – and he had already worked so hard to gain Keith’s approval._

_She had not approved in the beginning, and he knew that. She had considered him loud and obnoxious…but he had also frequently caught her watching him – silent and intent – and he had never figured out why._

_Lance was surprised to walk past the kitchen later that day to find Krolia and his own mother in an animated conversation about the boys’ fathers. He pressed his back against the wall, hiding from view and listening as they talked and laughed and told vastly different anecdotes._

_Lance’s heart swelled with joy, and for a moment, everything felt whole again._

_Later that evening, however, the grief hit him without warning._

_Thinking everyone had either left or was already in bed, he stumbled downstairs, heading for the door. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he knew he needed some fresh air. He blundered into the living room – and froze._

_Keith and Krolia were sitting on the couch, which would have been fine…except Keith was curled up at one end, his knees pulled up and his face hidden by his hands. Krolia’s hand was on his shoulders, and Lance could see his trembling from where he stood._

_Krolia turned to look at the intruder, her yellow eyes locking with Lance’s – and for the first time since they had met, her gaze softened._

_“Lance, come here.”_

_He hesitated, eyes flitting to Keith as the other boy hurriedly wiped at his face, trying to act as though he hadn’t been crying. He looked back at Krolia, feeling helpless._

_“You boys,” she said gently. “You think you have to do everything alone. You think you have to hide your pain from the world.” She motioned Lance over again, and this time he complied, taking a seat beside her on the couch. “Keith and I were sharing stories of his father,” she explained. “Your mother and I spoke on the subject earlier, and I realized it is good to converse about those who are gone from our lives. It helps us remember them as a whole person, not just the aspects we pick apart and choose. It helps us remember that they had their own hopes and dreams; they made their own mistakes and choices – and their fate was not determined by our actions, but by their own.” She placed her hand gently on Lance’s bent knee. “Keith’s father’s death was not caused by my choice to leave. It was not caused by Keith’s belief that he was not a good enough son.It is the same for you. Your Princess’s death was not caused by whatever you believe it to be in this moment.”_

__

 

_Lance’s defenses were already down – and Krolia was speaking to him as a mother, not as a warrior. “It still hurts.” He couldn’t have stopped the words, even if he tried._

_A snort of concurrence sounded from the end of the couch. “You’re damn right it still hurts.”_

_Lance leaned forward slightly, trying to meet Keith’s eye – and it was then that Krolia’s words caught up with him. “Wait a minute.” A frown creased his brow. “You thought your father’s death was your fault? All these years?”_

_Keith wouldn’t look at him, and did not answer the question. He shrugged and moved to get up from the couch._

_“Oh no. No, no you don’t.” Lance grabbed his wrist and yanked him back down. Keith let out a tiny grunt of surprise, landing heavily in the space between Krolia and Lance. “You’re not just gonna walk away from this – we’re bonding!”_

_Keith groaned, trying to get up again, but Lance snaked both arms around his waist and pulled him back. “Look, dude, if I have to be sad and depressed and sleep deprived then you can at least have the decency to join me. Plus your mom was making a lot of sense right now.”_

_“Are you going to just sit there and watch your son be held hostage by a crazy person?” Keith held out both hands imploringly to Krolia, but she was giving him a sly, sidelong glance._

_“You could easily break free of his hold. If you wanted to.”_

_Lance tightened his arms. “Yeah, but he doesn’t want to. He acts all tough and fearless, but in reality he just wants affection.”_

_“Yes he does.” There was fondness in Krolia’s voice as she leaned forward and kissed her son on the head. “I believe you both also require a glass of water after all those tears.” She extricated herself from the couch and padded soundlessly into the kitchen._

_Keith only spoke up after she disappeared into the other room. “Hey, Lance? You can let go, now.”_

_Later, Lance would rack it up to sleep deprivation and general loneliness, but he shook his head. “No, man. You’re a sucker for affection, remember? Gotta give the people what they want.”_

_“What people?” Keith grumbled, but made no effort to move away._

_Lance dropped his head onto Keith’s shoulder, unthinking. His eyelids began to feel heavy. “Hey, Keith?” he asked sleepily._

_“Yeah?”_

_“I’m glad you stopped by today.”_

_Lance was just drifting off when he felt the pressure of an arm slipping around his shoulders – pulling him just a little closer. “I’m glad I did, too.”_

_Lance smiled to himself as sleep took over his mind._

_When he woke the next morning, he was still curled into Keith’s side on the couch – and he realized it had been the first night where he had slept through without a single nightmare._

 

 

 

 

**Present Day:**

 

Lance felt like he hadn’t slept in days. It had been three days, specifically, since he had been told the news, and he had gotten maybe six hours total – napping here and there when he could.

One day to hear the news and make plans.

One and a half days to travel to Morath, and approximately 10 hours of searching for clues and questioning the Morathians.

Three days, and six hours of sleep.

He should have been exhausted. He should have fallen asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow – and he tried, he really tried, but it was no use.

He sighed quietly, sitting up and glancing over at Acxa. She was asleep, lying on the stowaway cot in the ship they had arrived in. Lance had taken the floor, and for a while he thought that was the reason he couldn’t sleep. Except it had never been an issue before. His sister Rachel and he were the only members of their family who could sleep wherever, whenever – so it couldn’t be that.

It was the feeling that they were running out of time.

It was the need to move – to run, to fight, to do whatever he could to find his friend – not sit here and waste precious time that Keith might not have.

He was just getting to his feet to take a walk and clear his head when the comm. on the ship’s computer started beeping. Acxa was up in the blink of an eye and the two of them stumbled into the cockpit to answer the call.

Pidge was rubbing her eyes when the pulled up the video.

“Pidge, we talked about this.” Lance tried to use his best big brother voice, despite the fact that he probably looked just as close to death as she did. “Sleep is necessary for survival.”

“Hypocrite.” She flashed him a sleep glare before snapping to attention. “Anyway, screw sleep. We found something. Acxa, have you ever heard of the planet Zaleer?”

“It sounds familiar.” Acxa took the pilot’s seat, pulling up the navigational charts from the ships computer. She typed in the coordinates Pidge supplied and a map appeared on the screen before her. “Are you certain?”

“I am as certain as I can be, given the circumstances. What little I was able to find on the Karva-Sel, plus the little bits of information we gathered here, all pointed toward that planet.” She paused, shoulders slumping briefly. When she spoke again, she sounded the way Lance felt. “It’s our best chance. It’s our only hope at this point. It’s all we have.”

That was enough for Lance. “Acxa and I will go on ahead. Zaleer will be our rendezvous point. Once we land and get our bearings, we will report back with instructions on where specifically you will need to go. It will take –” he glanced at the map. “Just a little over two days, it looks like, so you all should leave as soon as you are able.”

“I will let them know.” Pidge gave a little salute before the video went black.

Acxa’s eyes followed Lance as he took the passenger seat beside her. He raised a brow in response to her unasked question. “Pidge was right. Screw sleep. Let’s do this.” He gave her the first genuine smile he’d worn in some time. “We’re gonna be heroes, Acxa. There will be parades in the streets. They’ll write songs about our bravery.”

“Don’t make me leave you behind,” she grumbled.

“Aw, you’re just as grumpy as Keith is when he doesn’t get much sleep. Me?” He placed a hand on his chest. “I’m more of the manic type, myself, so this is gonna be a blast.”

With the press of a few buttons, the engine roared to life and they were off, rising through the atmosphere until all that surrounded them was darkness.

Lance fixed his gaze on the vast expanse of space stretching before them, making a silent, collective wish on all the stars he could see:

 

_Please let him be alive._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm setting a precedent, here, but don't expect a chapter every week! I just happened to have this one done early since it's a little shorter. :)


	3. Prize

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all like angst, right?
> 
>  
> 
> Also a shout-out to KaterinaRiley for figuring out how I can put the links in the bottom notes!!!

 

 

 

 

PRIZE

 

 

  

 

“You know this would have all be so much easier if we had been able to bring Kosmo.”

“That animal is too recognizable. Once you go around saving and restoring planets with a giant, blue, teleporting wolf at your side, word tends to get around.”

“Yeah, but you know what’s gonna happen now?” Lance glanced over at Axca who was casually surveying their surroundings for any signs of a threat. “We’re going to find Keith, and he’s going to take one look at us and go ‘where’s my wolf? Is my wolf ok? Have you been giving him his daily bellyrubs?’ He’s that type of dog person.”

Acxa cast a confused look in his direction, apparently satisfied they were not about to be under attack. “Actually if there was a comparison, the Galra would be closer to your species of feline.“

“As much as I appreciate you giving me _so_ many new ideas for Keith’s next birthday present, I seriously don’t get it, Acxa.” Lance shook his head – trying his best to shove away the image of Keith in Catwoman spandex that had popped in his mind, unwarranted. “How do you and Veronica get along if you don’t understand jokes or sarcasm?” He gave her a slightly condescending pat on the shoulder before opening a secured communications channel from the panel on the wrist of his Blade uniform.

It was only a second before Pidge’s face appeared on the screen.

“Hey,” Lance greeted. “Acxa and I just landed on Zaleer. What’s your location?”

“We just passed…Norriem in the Aleno quandrant,” she replied. “We still have 20 vargas before we reach Zaleer.”

“Are Hunk and Shiro with you?”

She nodded, as a shout of _‘Hi Lance’_ was heard from somewhere off-screen.

A smile crossed Lance’s face as he raised his voice as much as he dared. “Hi, Hunk. How’re you doing, dude?”

“Lance.”

He focused his attention back on Pidge, taking note of the small frown tugging at the corners of her mouth.

“Since you’re already there, I just want to warn you to be careful.” She glanced to her left, where Lance assumed Shiro was sitting just off screen. “I’ve been doing some research on the Karva-Sel…trying to figure out as much as I can so we are not going in to this blind, and what I’ve found is…not good.”

“I can’t believe I’m telling _you_ to use more specific language,” Lance snorted. “What do you mean ‘not good?’”

A grin flashed briefly across her face. “I was just dumbing it down for you. I know how much you hate big words.” She shifted in her seat, the smile vanishing. “They are doing something, but we haven’t been able to figure out what. They go to planets that are in crisis or at war, or planets that have large cities with high crime rates. They take captives and bring them back to the Zaleer, and the number of captives that actually leave the planet is only 0.8%.” The numbers didn’t mean much to Lance, but he saw how nervous it made Pidge, and that was something he could understand. “Whatever the plan is,” she continued, “you need to be careful.”

Acxa leaned in towards Lance so she could be seen on the call. “We landed our ship in a wooded area just outside the city limits so as to avoid detection. As we were flying in I remember seeing a large building at the city’s center. Definitely something large enough to house thousands of captives. Based on your information, that would be the first place we should check.”

“Then that’s what we will do.” Lance gave Acxa a decisive look before turning back to the screen. “Pidge – guys – I don’t want to wait another day for you to get here. Keith has been with them for 4 days already, and that is already too long. Given the information you gave us, Pidge, I say we move in now. We will find a way into this building and start doing recon. The least we can do is find out where he is being held while we wait for you to arrive.”

He had expected some resistance, but after a moment of silence, Shiro’s face appeared at the top of the screen. “Remember, these are Galra rebels, and they attacked a squad of the Blade. They cannot know who you are, or you will be putting your lives in just as much danger.”

Lance gave a curt nod. “We find disguises, then we go in. Acxa, send Pidge our exact location so they will know where to land. We will try to contact you as soon as we have any information, but if you have not heard from us by the time you arrive – Shiro, you are to assume Acxa and I have also been captured, so proceed with caution.”

“Understood.”

“Affirmative,” Pidge agreed.

“Be careful,” came Hunk’s voice from the back of the ship.

“You too.” Lance ended the call and turned to Acxa – only to find her watching him, a curious expression on her usually unreadable face. “What?”

She gave a little shrug. “It’s just…Keith always spoke about your leadership qualities. I guess I can see it now, is all.”

She rose to her feet and Lance followed a moment later, reeling from the unexpected compliment. “Keith…thought I would make a good leader?”

Acxa walked back toward the ship. “Didn’t he ever tell you that?” She grabbed hold of the door and swung herself up into the cockpit. “Let me send the green paladin our location so we can be on our way.”

“Pidge,” Lance corrected distractedly, more to himself than his traveling companion.

It took only a couple ticks before Axca was climbing down again, and the two of them were making their way through the forest toward the city.

“Can I ask you something?” Lance broke the silence after several minutes of walking. “What…is with you and Keith?”

Acxa gave him a confused look. “I don’t think I understand what you mean.”

“Well, like…” Lance tried to find the right words without being too blunt about it. “Okay, so it always kindof seemed like there was a weird…connection between you two. Like you and he shared somethi –”

Acxa came to an abrupt halt. “Is that why you’ve never liked me?”

“Um…what?”

“But then shouldn’t the fact that I am with your sister clear that up?”

Lance held out his hands, prompting. “Again…what?”

Acxa leveled a look at him. “If I’m not mistaken, you seem to be asking if Keith and I ever slept together – which would explain why you never like me. But since I am currently sleeping with your –“

“ _Gah!”_ Lance leaped back, waving his hands violently as if he could erase those words from existence. “Why would you – I mean, I don’t _ever_ want to hear – wait…did you?”

“Did I…?”

“You and – and Keith?”

“You know I am dating your _sister_.”

“What? It’s not like it’s unheard of to be attracted to…you know, both.” He finished lamely. He tried to save face by hurrying on. “And even if you are only into girls, Keith is –“

What did Lance want to say? What was the proper way of putting this without giving away more than he wanted to?

_Keith is –_

 

 

_– turning around with a sheepish smile and a blackened frying pan in one hand as the smoke alarm blared overhead._

_– throwing a stick for Kosmo – and laughing as the wolf zapped through the air in the blink of an eye, dropping on top of his master, tail wagging furiously._

_– standing on the porch with concern in his eyes – reaching out without a word to pull Lance into a hug._

_– waving goodbye as he climbed into a ship in his Blade of Marmora uniform –_

 

 

“He’s…you know,” Lance continued, waving his hands in a vague gesture that obviously meant nothing to Acxa. “He’s, like…attractive or whatever.” He could feel his face heating up, and thought for a moment of just fully committing to his embarrassment and pulling the hood over his head.

The look Acxa gave him showed clearly what she thought of his statement. “I have to deal with this enough during my missions,” she said gruffly. “I am not here to gossip. We have more important things to attend to.”

Lance was left alone and embarrassed as she whirled around and started off again through the trees. He hurried to catch up.

Lance had expected that to be the end of it, but it was only a moment before Acxa broke the silence. “If you must know, however, the relationship I share with Keith is one a value highly. We have saved each other’s lives on multiple occasions. He is someone I am certain I can rely on…someone who will not betray me or double-cross me as so many others have done. He makes me feel comfortable because I know he would never ask anything of me I was not willing to give. He is one of the few people in the universe who I have told about my past.” Her gaze was fixed straight ahead as she continued. “He knows that I…have not has the best experience with…men. So, no. To answer your question, Keith and I have not slept together and the likelihood of that ever happening is absolute zero.” She glanced at him, the tension leaving her features slightly. “But of course I can see he is attractive. Many people are attractive…but not many would jump to defend you without a second thought.”

Lance nodded. He tried to see Acxa’s words as a good thing, but it was impossible to shake the slimy feeling of jealousy slithering through his chest. Because the fact remained that Keith and Acxa were close. They had gone on missions together. They had saved planets together. They had each other’s backs. They had shared secrets – deep, intimate details of their lives that they may not have shared with anyone else.

 

_At least I’ve been there for him when he needs me, instead of just the other way around!_

“Follow my lead and keep to the shadows,” Acxa broke Lance from his thoughts with a hand on his arm and a whisper in his ear. He looked up to see they had reached the outskirts of the city. “For now, we’ll put our hoods up, but we definitely should get out of these Blade uniforms as soon as possible.”

“Acxa,” Lance chided. “You have a girlfriend. Stop trying to get me to strip.” He flashed her a grin and a wink before pulling his hood up over his head.

Acxa groaned and pushed past him, moving silently and stealthily along the side of the nearest building.

 

 

 

If the universe had been a city, Zaleer would have been the slums. Aliens of all races and species lurked in dark alleys, or trudged down the street shooting dirty look at anyone who passed by. Sounds of fighting came from all around – gunshots, arguing, children crying. Garbage and rubble littered the streets, and Lance caught sight of half-starved alien creatures scurrying in and out of the shadows.

Lance and Acxa bought outfits from the a street vendor and hurriedly changed out of their Blade uniforms – which alleviated the anxiety squeezing Lance’s chest. Walking through the city, he had been all too aware of how starkly he and Acxa stood out in their pristine Blade uniforms amidst all the poverty and despondency.

As he suspected, they received much less attention after the change of clothes, and they made their way toward the large stadium-like building at the center of the city with ease.

The closer they drew to the building, the thicker the crowd became – until there was a steady stream of aliens shuffling forward in several wobbly lines. Acxa pulled Lance aside and they peered at the entrance from the shadows of a nearby shop.

“Should we just try to walk in with the crowd?” Lance asked, feeling unsure.

Acxa shook her head. “No. Look. There is a checkpoint outside the main entrance. Do you see the guards? They are taking tickets or punch-cards or something equivalent. Either way, it doesn’t look like we would be able to just walk in. We’ll find another entrance.”

They sidled casually away from the stream of people, sauntering around the side of the building. Luckily there did not appear to be any guards patrolling the perimeter, and about halfway along the outer wall they came to a door with alien letters stamped on it.

“It’s written in Galran,” Acxa told him. “It says ‘deliveries’. We will enter here.”

“Well, I hope you can pick a lock because I sure as hell can’t. Not for lack of trying, mind you,” Lance sighed. “They make it look so easy in movies, but in real life it’s actually – and you’ve already done it. Congratulations, Acxa. You’d make an excellent super spy.”

She pulled the door open and the two of them quietly slipped inside. Their luck continued as they entered a dimly lit and seemingly unoccupied storeroom.

“Veronica has shown me several of those…spy movies.” She kept her voice low as they made their way toward the door on the opposite side of the room. “And you are correct. The work I did while in Lotor’s employ would have made me a very good super spy.”

Lance let out a soft groan. “No wonder you and Keith get along so well. You are also annoyingly cool.” His face slipped into a look of sincerity as he continued. “Thank you, though. For coming with me, I mean. I wouldn’t have gotten far without you.”

They had reached the door, but Acxa paused for a moment, her fingers brushing the handle. “You are welcome. And…for what it’s worth, Lance…I will admit I don’t always hate your company.”

Lance chuckled, waving his hands in front of his face. “Whoa. Slow down there, buddy. That’s quite a statement. You sure you’re ready for that kind of commitment?”

“That…” Acxa blinked at him. “Was sarcasm?”

Lance flung both arms into the air in a triumphant gesture. “Yes! Yes it was. Man, Veronica’s gonna be so proud of all I’ve taught you when we get back to Earth.” He patted her on the shoulder. “But seriously – let’s get out of here before somebody comes along.”

She nodded, before reaching down and opening the door a crack. She peered out through the opening. “There is a large crowd. That makes it easier. All we need to do is walk out like we are exactly where we are supposed to me and blend in with the others.” She took one more look before turning back to Lance. “You should probably put your mask on, though. I see a majority of Galra. Some other species, as well, but no humans. And definitely no former paladins of Voltron who might be recognized.”

Lance gave a dramatic sigh, pulling up the mask that covered his face from the nose down. “I know. It’s hard traveling with a celebrity.”

Acxa rolled her eyes as she pulled the door open and the two of them strolled out. Several heads turned as they exited the storeroom, but just as quickly looked away in disinterest.

They followed the general flow of the crowd, walking along a wide hallway that continuously bent slightly to the right. The farther they walked, the more Lance’s heart plummeted. This did not seem like a place where they were likely to find Keith – or any captives, for that matter. In fact, it looked almost like a weird, alien version of a sporting event. There were small carts set up along the edges of the hallway, selling food and drinks – and the aliens milling about all seemed to be buzzing with that specific mix of nervousness and anticipation that revolved around a big game or match.

His suspicions were confirmed a moment later as he and Acxa made their way to one of the open doorways situated periodically around the circular hallway.

Rows of seats stretched down below them, leading to an open, dirt-floored pit in the center of the wide, domed room. High walls surrounded the pit, wrapping around and meeting to form a wide, flat platform on one end. Most likely this was for VIP seating, Lance guessed. A device hanging from the center of the ceiling looked vaguely similar to a jumbotron. Brightly colored text scrolled across the screens, but it was in a language Lance could not read.

Lance was about to turn toward Acxa and tell her this could not be the place they were looking for – when her hand snaked around his arm, and she was suddenly pulling him off to the side and away from the crowd.

Lance glanced at her, the confused frown on his face falling away as he caught sight of her expression.

She was mumbling something too quiet for him to hear above the noise of the crowd – her eyes wide and frightened. Lance leaned in to hear what she was saying, because even though it looked like she was talking to herself, she had not released the bruising grip on his arm.

“…should have know…I should have known…so stupid… I should have –“

“Acxa –“ Lance started, concerned.

She looked up at him. Her movements were no longer that of the stoic warrior Lance was accustomed to. She looked more like a frightened child, desperate to find her lost mother. “Fighting pits,” she hissed. “I should have known.”

A sudden, collective roar from the crowd drew both of their attentions back to the arena.

Lance turned in time to see a large door sliding upwards at the back of the pit. Ten figures strode out – all carrying weapons, all clad in some form of armor, all playing to the crowd.

“Like gladiator pits?” Lance murmured to Acxa, but she must not have heard him over the deafening yells and cheering of the spectators.

The ten contestants came to stand before the platform, forming a single straight line.

Lance hadn’t thought Acxa’s grip on his arm could get any tighter, but he was mistaken. He flexed his hand, wincing as he felt her sharp nails dig into his bicep. He tried to catch her eye – to tell her she was about to cut off the circulation in his arm – but her unblinking gaze was glued to the platform.

A thunderous cheer drew Lance’s attention once again to the spectacle before him. Everyone seemed to be focused, now, on the platform as several figures made their way across the flat, open space.

 

And Lance’s breath was catching in his throat – Acxa’s death grip on his arm the only thing holding him back from dashing through the stands and scaling the towering walls – because in the midst of the Galra soldiers striding along the platform was a small figure, draped in a long purple robe that dragged along the floor behind him.

 

_Keith_.

 

 

His head was held high, and he walked with purpose, which gave Lance a flicker of confidence. Whatever injuries Keith had suffered from the explosion must have been healed, either in a pod or with some Galran technology Lance was not familiar with.

From this distance, Lance could not see the expression on his friend’s face, but he did not need to. He knew that posture of Keith’s shoulders. He knew that when he held himself in this way, the only expression on his face would be one of defiance and determination.

For the first time, Lance allowed actual hope to bloom in his chest.

Maybe this situation would turn out fine, after all.

Keith was alive. He was standing right before them on that platform – and he was alive!

Everything else could be figured out along the way.

 

He had been expecting Acxa to be smiling as well when he turned to her – but if anything, her face was contorted even further with fear and anger.

“What’s wrong?” Lance hissed at her. “He’s alive! This is –“

“We should leave.”

Lance gaped, not understanding. Before he could respond, Acxa yanked on his arm.

“Lance, we need to leave. Now. You shouldn’t have to see this.” She started to pull him away, and it took all of Lance’s strength to resist her.

He dug his heels in, gritting his teeth. “What are you talking about? See what?”

And Acxa…wilted.

In all the time he had known her, he had never seen her vulnerable and slumped like this. There were a handful of people in Lance’s life who he had seen break in different ways. People with formidable, calm, and collected personalities – and each time it happened, it shook Lance to his core.

 

 

_The time his mom had yelled at him._

_The time they had found Shiro clutching his head and shaking outside of the empty pod where they had been holding Sendak._

_The time one of his middle school teachers had punched a hole in the wall when the class refused to settle down._

_The first time Keith had looked at him eyes wide with shock and fear, glistening with unshed tears, after Lance let slip the time he had died for a few minutes while Keith had been with the Blade._

 

_And now Acxa._

_Acxa, who had been through more than Lance would probably ever know. Acxa, the badass spy. Acxa, Veronica’s stubborn girlfriend who didn’t quite understand sarcasm._

 

 

Lance stepped forward, putting a hand on her arm and guiding her away from the crowd.

“I should have known,” Acxa repeated in a whisper. “Why didn’t I think this would happen? I wish he hadn’t survived that explosion.”

Lance positioned himself in front of her as she slumped against the wall. He leaned forward, trying to appear calm and reassuring despite the rapid, panicked beating of his heart. He had no idea what could possibly be affecting Acxa this badly…and he wasn’t sure he wanted to find out.

“Acxa,” he said quietly, despite his trepidations. “Please tell me what’s going on.”

She glanced up at him, wrapping her arms around herself. A surprised huff escaped her lips. “You really have your sister’s eyes, don’t you? So stupid. I never could resist it when she looked at me like that.”

“Well, I’m not going to make out with you or anything – so resist it.”

“Not like that!” She rolled her eyes, slowly starting to return to the version of herself Lance was familiar with. She drew in a long breath before expelling it in a sigh. “The fighting pits are a Galra custom that have been around since before the Empire. Except this is a very specific version of the gladiator match.” She glanced over at the crowd settling down for the start of the entertainment. “I have been a part of this before. I was chosen because I was a half-breed. I stood in the place Keith is standing now.” Her eyes were pleading as they found Lance’s again. “Lotor rescued me from a place like this. Why do you think I was so undyingly loyal to him?”

A voice sounded over a loudspeaker, welcoming spectators and participants, alike – and the crowd roared its appreciation.

“Okay, okay…” Lance was trying to get everything straight in his head. “But what is Keith’s part in this? Why are you so scared for him?”

“Because there will be a winner,” Acxa said despairingly. “Night after night, there will be a winner, and the winner gets a prize.” Her fingers wound around Lance’s wrist painfully as she hissed. “Keith is that prize.”

Lance stared at her for one moment, the words taking root in his mind. Then, abruptly, he yanked his arm out of her hold and slipped through the crowd until he at the top of the stands, overlooking the arena. His eyes found Keith on the platform as the crowd quieted and the announcer began to speak.

“We have a special guest with us tonight. Some of you have encountered him. Some of you have seen him from afar. But all remaining proud members of the Galra race know who he is.”

One of the soldiers standing beside Keith reached up and yanked the robe from his shoulders with a flourish. Lance flinched, seeing the heavy shackles binding Keith’s wrists. The rest of him was bare of clothing, except for a small loincloth draped around his hips.

“The Paladin of the Black Lion of Voltron!” The announcer’s voice boomed throughout the arena – and the crowd fell deathly silent for one moment before erupting into chaos.

Lance’s eyes were wide with horror as he listened to the cheers and yells; the hisses and screams of hatred. The crowd was a roiling, seething pot of mixed emotions, and it was one of the most terrifying things Lance has ever witnessed.

No wonder Acxa was scared.

Yet, in the middle of it all, Keith stood, eyes fixed on a point in the distance, face impassive, as if none of it bothered him in the slightest.

“That’s right,” the announcer continued. “Win this match, and he will be yours for the next 6 vargas. Imagine the possibilities! The sworn enemy of the true Galra race…the half-breed son of the traitor Krolia; protégé of the accursed leader of the Blade of Marmora. One of you lucky contestants will have him at your mercy – the proud leader of Voltron. Not so proud now, is he?” There was a chuckle over the speaker. “Believe me, you will want to win tonight because if he survives to be offered at tomorrow’s match…I can assure you, he will not be in such…pristine condition.”

Lance’s stomach heaved and he whirled around, sprinting over to a trashcan at one edge of the hallway. He tore his mask off just in time to empty the contents of his stomach into the bin.

Acxa had been right. He did not want to see this. He did not want to think about what would happen when a winner was decided.

Acxa’s hand on his back was little comfort. He raised his head, tears in his eyes from his body’s violent rejection of the reality they faced.

“We can’t let this happen.” His voice came out hoarse and desperate. “We have to do something!”

“There is only one thing I can think to do, and you are not going to like it any more than I do.”

“What is it?”

“I am going to enter the tournament. I can win and we can find a way to sneak him out of here.”

A spark of hope flared in Lance’s chest once again. “No, that’s good. Why did you think I wouldn’t –“

“Lance.” She held his gaze firmly. “I can enter tomorrow’s match, meaning one of the fighters down there right now is going to win today.”

The former glimmer of hope was dashed to the ground. Lance gripped her arms, feeling his legs go weak. “No, there has to be something we can do. I…I can try to get on that platform. If I could get my hands of a gun –“

“There are too many of them. You will die before you reach him. You know this.” She hesitated for a second, then reached out and tentatively smoothed the hair out of Lance’s face. “He will be all right. He’s one of the strongest people I have ever encountered.”

“Of course he is,” Lance choked. “But this is different.”

_And I don’t think I am strong enough for this,_ he added silently.

 

 

Lance tried to watch the match. He really did.

He tried to pay attention to what was happening in the arena, but his eyes kept straying to Keith standing on the platform.

Every time his attention was drawn back to the fight with a roar of the crowd – a collective gasp or a cheer – all he could focus on was the blood splattered across the dirt of the arena floor. He saw the fighters’ numbers dwindling as one by one they were taken out by their opponents. He looked at the fighters who remained – refusing to accept that Keith would be handed over to one of them like an object.

He heard the announcer’s voice over and over in his head: _…if he survives to be offered at tomorrow’s match…I can assure you, he will not be in such…pristine condition._

The fight was brutal. It was intense and bloody and primal.

Lance desperately tried to focusing on anything other than the possibilities his mind supplied of what any of these fighters might put his friend through.

There was one thing he knew for sure, however. One thought he could not drown out or push aside: They were going to hurt Keith.

They were going to hurt him for 6 vargas, and even though Lance knew in his heart there was no way he could prevent it from happening, it didn’t stop his body from shaking as the fighters dwindled to four; to three; to two…

It didn’t stop his heart from racing out of control until he felt lightheaded and nauseated.

It didn’t stop his feet from involuntarily moving to carry him down the steps – his body lurching forward, preparing to tear through the crowd, scale the wall and leap onto the platform…

Because with only two fighters left, he couldn’t watch anymore, and he turned his attention back to the platform in time to see one of the Galra soldiers step forward. He came to stand directly behind Keith, snaking one hand forward to press flat against Keith’s stomach. It was the only time during the entire ordeal Keith reacted – trying to jerk away from the touch, swinging his elbow up to strike the soldier’s face. The shackles around his wrists made the blow an easy one to block, however, and the Galra leaned down, his hand dropping just a bit lower as the other came up to wrap around Keith’s throat. He bent his head to whisper something in Keith’s ear –

– and Acxa’s hand clamped around Lance’s mouth, stopping the furious yell before it could escape his lips.

She dragged him backwards with all her strength as Lance fought her – slamming his back against the wall and pinning him there so he could not escape. His body was shaking because didn’t she know this wasn’t the time to be held back? His chest burned, his eyes stung, and angry tears dripped onto the hand Acxa held over his mouth.

“Lance, you need to get it together!” she hissed in his ear. “Running in, now, is only going to get us all killed – Keith included.”

He made a strained sound against the pressure of her hand and after a moment she removed it – just far enough that if he made too much noise, she could easily muzzle him again.

“I can’t do this, Acxa!” he gasped. “I can’t just let them –“

“You can because you have to.” Her yellow eyes held his, unwavering.

“No, you don’t understand.” His voice shook with desperation and tears. “He doesn’t – he doesn’t like to be touched by people he doesn’t trust.” He jabbed a finger in the direction of the arena, his voice rising. “That fucking Galra thinks he can just –“

“Lance,” she growled, eyes darting quickly around to see if they were drawing any unwanted attention.

He lowered his voice to match her growl. “He had no right to touch Keith like that! They’re going to hurt him.” His legs were shaking so badly, he would have collapsed to the floor if not for the support of her arms. “He’s going to be with whichever contestant wins for 6 vargas – and they are going to hurt him! I can’t do this. I can’t let this happen, Acxa, he’s my –“ _something Lance didn’t have a word for. Something Lance wasn’t sure he quite understood yet._ “– He’s my best friend. I can’t let this happen!”

Acxa’s eyes held his for a long moment, as if she was trying to read his mind. When she spoke next, Lance wondered if she actually had been able to. “Lance…he is not going to blame you. He will know you did whatever you could given the situation…and I know he will kill me if I let you run in there without a plan, trying to rescue him from a hoard of Galra soldiers.” She paused, her eyes softening into something sad. “I joined you on this mission for Keith’s sake, yes – and Veronica’s – but most of all, for you. And a little bit for my own.”

“What do you mean?” Lance sniffed.

“I am here to keep you from doing something stupid and reckless, because if I let you get hurt – if I let anything happen to you at all – he will never forgive me.”

Lance stretched an arm out, his hand extending helplessly toward the arena. “He’s the one who will be hurt, Acxa! He’s the one who always does stupid, reckless things and puts himself in danger!”

“You’re both stupid and reckless, but –“ She sighed, her grip loosening on his armor. “I am going to say something, and I want you to not take it the wrong way.” She released her hold on Lance’s armor, taking a step back as she regarded him in silence for a moment. “I am glad I am here with you, and not Keith. I am glad you are not the one standing on that platform, while he attempts to rescue you…because I am able to stop you. I would not be able to stop him.”

Under normal circumstances, Lance would have taken that comment and filed it away to revisit on a day when he was feeling especially low and insecure. But here, in this moment, his emotions were too raw and exposed; his mind too agitated for him not to say exactly how her words affected him. “Because I’m weaker than he is,” he spat. “Because he’s smarter and better and faster than I could ever be. Because you think I don’t care about him enough to –“

“Because you are logical and rational when you need to be. Because you can actually keep a cool head and not let your emotions cloud your decisions!” she retorted. “Because deep down, you know trying to run in there, grab Keith, and get back to our ship is actually impossible. Because you know we need a better plan than whatever your emotional impulse is currently telling you.” Her lips pressed together tightly. “And because, Lance…there would literally be no power in the universe strong enough to hold him back if he saw you standing on that platform.”

A deep, roiling anger replaced the bitterness in his heart. “Yeah, and everything you said before that last thing doesn’t matter because now I know what you really think – so let me make this crystal fucking clear to you.” He straightened up, the anger burning through his veins giving his body strength. “He doesn’t care about me more than I care about him. You have no idea how much I care about him!”

Acxa straightened as well, her eyes meeting his fiery gaze with a challenge. “Then prove it. Prove me wrong. Give me a logical plan on how to get him off this planet and back home. Tell me right now how to keep everyone safe.”

Lance’s fists were clenched so tightly at his sides, his arms were shaking…but he knew she was right, no matter how much he disliked that fact. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe deeply; tried to rein in his emotions and focus on the situation as a whole.

He tried to think of anything except the image of that soldier’s hand wrapping around Keith’s throat…

“Okay.” He breathed, quieter now. “You’re right. Trying to reach him on that platform is impossible because we are literally surrounded by people who will try to stop us.” He peeled his eyes open as the cogs of his brain began to once again turn with clarity – thoughts connecting and falling into place. “You said you would enter the match tomorrow. That is good. We can work with that. So the first thing we need to do is find out where to sign up. But I want that to be a fallback, okay? So we should also try to see where they take him once he leaves the arena.” He held up one finger to preemptively silence the protest he knew would follow his next words. “We are going to split up – and before you say anything, just listen. You are a super spy, remember? They have to take Keith somewhere after the match, and you can easily shadow them without their knowledge. Maybe they keep him somewhere less guarded while the winner gets ready. Maybe there’s a specific room where this “prize” is brought. I know you said you’ve been in his place before, but it might be different from what you remember, so I need you to find out as much as you can. In the meantime, I will go find out where to sign up for tomorrow’s match, and I will enter us both. We will meet back at this spot in two vargas. We will message each other immediately if anything goes wrong, or if we have relevant information. After we rendezvous, we will message the team and let them know what we have come up with.”

“Fine. I agree to everything except the part about you entering into the match, as well.”

“Aren’t you forgetting that I was also a paladin of Voltron?” His voice was cold as he stepped passed her, pulling up his mask. “Aren’t you forgetting that _logically_ , if there are two of us, the odds of one of us winning increases? Or maybe you’re just forgetting that I am in charge of this mission. Go do your part and let me do mine.” He took a couple steps away before reconsidering and turning back. “I think you’re also forgetting,” he said with a wink, “that I have been literally toiling on a farm for the past two years. That’s hard work, Acxa! I am ripped as fuck.”

Acxa gave him a long, slow blink that illustrated precisely what she thought of that comment. Giving her head a small shake, she turned to go.

They walked off in separate directions, heading toward what Lance hoped was a solution.

Voices echoed through his head with each step he took…insecurities and doubts ping-ponging around his skull; images of the blood and violence he had just witnessed in the fighting pit.

 

 

_You know Acxa’s right._

_You’re not strong enough._

_You haven’t fought in years._

_Your plan is flawed._

_You are going to get everyone killed._

_They shouldn’t trust you; you’ve always been the weak link._

 

 

The thoughts pounded through his head, twisting his stomach into a tight, anxiety-filled knot.

And with that anxiety brought the image he had shut out – the Galran soldier’s hands sliding down Keith’s stomach…fingers curling around his throat…lips brushing Keith’s ear as the soldier whispered something to him…

Lance was self-aware enough to know that image would be added fuel for his nightmares for years to come.

Except…as soon as that thought entered his mind, something else pushed the image aside, and a hazy memory took its place.

 

 

_Lance was roused from sleep by a gentle touch on his shoulder. He opened his eyes blearily, blinking at the image of Keith’s face before him._

_“Hey, man,” he whispered, half believing he was still dreaming._

_“I’m really sorry, Lance,” Keith whispered through the fog of Lance’s mind. “But…could I…sleep here? The nightmares are really bad tonight, and I…”_

_Lance was already shifting backwards on his small bed and patting the empty space he had created on the mattress._

_There was a moment’s hesitation, and then he felt the bed dip. A warm body slid underneath the blankets and settled in beside him – so close he could feel a flutter of nervous breath wash over his cheek._

_Unthinking – still half asleep – he reached out, running his fingers soothingly through soft strands of dark hair. “You don’t have to ask, you know,” he murmured._

_The reply was quiet when it came. “I don’t want to be a burden.”_

_Lance let his eyes fully open, then, raising his gaze to his friend lying beside him._

_It suddenly struck him just how close they were; how his hand was still toying with the strands of hair around Keith’s ear…how Keith had come to him when he felt scared._

_Keith had sought him out for comfort._

_Keith was allowing Lance to stroke his hair._

_Keith was here, in his bed, lying inches away – and suddenly Lance wanted to pull him closer. He wanted there to be no space between them._

_No distance at all._

_“Did I ever tell you,” he whispered. “You have beautiful eyes.”_

_He watched as Keith’s eyes widened for a moment before settling back into a quiet fondness. He reached out and brushed the backs of his knuckles across Lance’s cheek._

_“You’re still basically asleep, aren’t you?” he whispered. “I’ll try to wake up before you so you won’t freak out when you find me in your bed, okay? Go back to sleep, Lance. Everything’s fine.”_

_Lance chuckled quietly. He was already drifting off as he felt the press of a gentle kiss against his temple._

 

 

 

It didn’t matter if he wasn’t technically stronger than the alien fighters he’d seen in that arena.

It didn’t matter if he wasn’t a strategic genius like his friends.

It didn’t matter if no one else in the universe fully trusted him – because Keith did.

 

He grabbed hold of that image of Keith’s face in the darkness of his bedroom – hair splayed out on the pillow, eyes gleaming in the dim light, a soft smile curving his lips – and he held on.

He took everything he had witnessed and held it against that image, letting the contrast fuel his steps. Letting one powerful, determined thought carry him forwards.

Because he would do anything to protect that face.

Because Keith was in danger, and nothing else mattered.

 

 

_I am going to kill them all._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](https://erithel.tumblr.com/)   
>  [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ErithEl)   
>  [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/erithel/?hl=en)   
>  [Voltron Comic](https://tapas.io/episode/1299614)


	4. Weakness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Acxa go into the fighting pits and stuff happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna put a WARNING on this chapter, just in case. Kinda for the violence and kinda for the images, so if you don't like anything even remotely graphic, or signs of abuse...read at your own risk (but honestly, the warnings are already in the tags, so if you're reading I think you're already prepared).
> 
> Also, I have discovered action is very difficult for me to write, so if the fighting sequences don't make sense...just scroll through until you get to the more emotional parts! XP

 

 

 

 

WEAKNESS

 

 

 

 

Raucous, jeering laughter sounded from all around Lance.

He ignored it and kept his eyes fixed on the Galra standing behind the desk.

The room where potential competitors were able to sign up for the next day’s match was located below the arena, down two flights of stairs and a dingy hallway that looked like the perfect place to get murdered.

By the time Lance had found it’s location, there were already six aliens of various species lounging around the room in preparation for tomorrow. They were all large and brutish – making Lance look tiny in comparison.

A large, fan-eared Galra was there to test and accept the fighters for the match, and enter their information into his computer if he decided they were worthy of competing. From the moment Lance stepped into the room, he had not even tried to hide his contemp, and now regarded Lance with folded arms and a raised eyebrow. “You are too small. Is your friend also as small as you? Then the answer is no.”

Lance put a hand on his hip. “You do know that sometimes it is harder to take down a smaller opponent.”

The Galra leaned forward, pressing his hands against the desk between them. His head was almost twice the size of Lance’s. “Look, you’re here in case there’s a chance the paladin will be the prize again, right? Everybody’s got a vendetta against Voltron. That doesn’t mean I can just let anyone compete in tomorrow’s match. We gotta make it interesting for the crowd. I can’t send some little twirp out into the arena who’s only gonna get killed in the first two ticks of combat!”

“I’ve seen the paladins of Voltron in action,” Lance retorted. “One of them was, like, half my size and she was still able to take down full grown opponents.”

The Galra rolled his eyes. “Right. But she was a _paladin_. They had special skills and special tech. Even if by some miracle you survived in the arena – what then? You are the same size as the black paladin, himself! You might even be smaller. You actually expect to be able to control him for 6 vargas? I’ve witnessed him fight before. He was trained by the Blade of Marmora in their prime, you know.”

Lance bristled. “First of all, I am definitely taller than he is. Secondly, if I prove my abilities to you, will you enter my friend and myself into the fight? Whatever I can do, she can definitely do at least five times better.”

The Galra straightened up. He loomed nearly a foot and a half over Lance, but Lance tilted his head up, cocking it to one side and waited. He was not as easily intimidated as all that.

The Galra gave a little shrug and stepped out from behind the desk. The room fell silent – waiting in gleeful anticipation as the Galra squared up against Lance, raising his fists.

“Okay, then. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

 

Over the two years since Voltron disbanded, Lance had not been idle. Working on a farm had increased his strength and stamina, and after he had caught Keith going through some hand-to-hand drills alone one morning, he had offered himself as a sparring partner. He had come to accept that he would never be as quick as Keith, but those sparring sessions also taught him how to make up for it with tactical thinking and flexibility. Keith acted on impulse and instinct – and, to be fair, his instincts were usually right when it came to fighting – but Lance would never forget the first time he had managed to win one of their matches. He had swept Keith’s legs out from under him and pinned his arms above his head before he had the chance to get up. For a moment, he and Keith had just stared at one another, panting and shocked – and then Lance had burst out laughing. He had rolled off Keith and flopped onto his back in the grass. When his laughter had died and he turned his head, he had been met with a brilliant grin that made Keith’s whole face light up. Lance had felt something flutter in his chest at the sight of it, and the cocky remark he had been about to make died on his lips.

 

This particular Galra did not look like he would be especially quick, and Lance had spent his time with Voltron fighting against larger, stronger opponents. This would be nothing new.

He ducked as the Galra took a swing at him, quickly darting forward and landing two sharp jabs on his opponent’s ribcage.

The thing Keith had drilled into him was to use his own momentum during a fight – to not stop moving; to never give them an opening – and Lance pivoted quickly around his opponent, dodging the swift uppercut from the Galra’s other fist. His hand darted out, and he dropped to the floor – rolling away from another swing before springing to his feet.

For a moment, every single being in the room was frozen. The Galra stared at the knife Lance held to his throat, and the other hopeful participants watched in silence, waiting to see what would happen next.

The large Galra gave a tiny grunt of acceptance, straightening up and raising his hands. Lance held his position for a moment longer before also shifting back into a relaxed stance. He flipped the knife around and extended it hilt first to the Galra.

“I didn’t see you take this,” he admitted, plucking the weapon from Lance’s grip and securing it once again in it’s holster at his hip where Lance had snatched it from. He leaned forward, lowering his voice. “All right. You can fight. I’m actually a little curious, now, to see how you fare.” He turned around and headed back around the table. “Your friend a fighter, too?”

“Yeah. Like I said before, she’s better than I am, so I’m sure she’ll keep everyone entertained.”

The Galra chuckled. “Right. Well, I need your friend down here to sign in. You’ll be spending the evening in the barracks below the pits. We keep the fighters together in one place before a match. Leaves them no opportunity to sneak in anything that would give them an unfair advantage, you know?”

“We have to be down here all night?” Lance tried to keep the dismay from his voice.

“If you want to fight in the match, yes. Both of you.”

“Okay, I’ll – I’ll see where my friend is and get her down here as soon as possible.” He stepped aside and pulled out his communication device, typing a quick message to Acxa.

After a moment she replied.

**_I need to know if you’ve found anything,_** Lance typed. **_Do you have anything right now we can use?_**

After a moment the response popped onto his screen: **_No. I’ve been shadowing them, and I did see which room he was taken to, but he was surrounded by guards the entire time, and there are four posted outside the door. All armed._**

Lance pressed his lips together, his fingers hovering over the keypad. He had hoped… **_OK,_** he typed. **_Then I need you to get down here. We are in the match for tomorrow, but they keep all the contestants in the barracks overnight and we both need to be here if we want to fight._** He sent her a tracker to his location.

It was a moment before the response came. **_I will see you shortly._**

Lance took a moment to close his eyes, breathing in and out deeply as he repeated _Keith will be all right. He can take care of himself_ over and over in his mind, hoping if he said it enough he might actually start to believe it.

Sighing, he finally turned back to the Galra waiting patiently behind his desk. “I just heard from her. She’s on her way.”

The Galra nodded, typing something into the computer at his desk. “You’re only doing this for the paladin, right?” He shook his head. “Everyone wants a chance at him.”

“The announcer said ‘ _if he survives._ ’” It was a struggle for Lance to keep his voice steady and conversational.

“Oh, he’ll survive.” The Galra’s yellow eyes met his with certainty. “We will inform all of you contestants tomorrow, but they make it mandatory for him to survive for as many nights as possible. He’s essentially yours to do with whatever you want – as long as he’s still alive when it’s over.” His lip curled in a sneer. “Depending on the damage, they heal him up just enough for the next day, and it continues. They figured the more of us can get our personal revenge out on him, the better. You been thinking of what you’d do to him if you win?”

Lance wound his hands behind his back, his fingers wrapping around the wrist of his one arm as his nails bit into his skin. “Of course,” he said, turning away. “You have no idea how much he has personally put me through. I would give him everything he deserves.”

 

 

Lance’s almost-sleepless streak continued while in the barracks. He did manage to get a few hours, but it did little good. Sleep did not matter, however, since by the time someone came to wake the contestants and prepare them for the day ahead, the anxiety and adrenaline coursing through him was more effective than any restful night of sleep ever could be.

They were given an opportunity to wash, and after being fed a meal consisting of some kind of gruel that made Lance actually wish for food goo instead, the contestants were gathered in a room where a gruff-voiced Galra explained what Lance had been told the previous evening.

Once he had explained the rules to them – which basically consisted of anything goes, and if you are killed or mortally wounded in combat, you are out – he took a moment to shift his gaze around the room, giving each of them a stern stare before he continued.

“You are all here for the paladin,” he began, pacing before them, his hands casually held behind his back. “You all want an opportunity to spend time with him, uninterrupted, for whatever reason – but hear me.” He stopped and faced them. “Whatever you may do to him, you are to keep him alive.” He held a hand up against a scattered burst of protest. “You think you are the only ones who wish to get their revenge against Voltron? Keep him alive so he may be presented night after night, because that, my friends, is the best way to get revenge. That is how we crush him. By destroying his hope that there will ever be an end to this.”

Acxa’s hand gripped Lance’s, her sharp nails biting into his skin, but whether it was to hold him back or to hold herself back, he wasn’t sure.

“To whichever of you wins the match, you will be given a time of one varga to get yourself clean, or rest if you so choose,” the Galra informed them. “The prize will be escorted to the service room where he will await your arrival. You are permitted to invite up to five friends or colleagues during your time with the prize, and as you know, you will have 6 vargas, starting the moment you enter the room. There will be guards posted outside the door to prevent anyone else from entering or, more importantly, to stop the prize if he should try to escape. You will be provided with all manner of equipment, so you needn’t worry about bringing anything with you.” He chuckled. “Get as creative as you want, just remember – he must still be breathing by the time your 6 vargas is up.”

The Galra gave them all one more pointed look before he motioned toward the door. “For the match, you will be provided with your choice of weapons and armor from our supply. Now, if you would all follow me, I will show you to the armory.”

 

 

Lance couldn’t feel his limbs.

The last several anxiety-riddled days he’d had, on top of the lack of sleep – _on top_ of the adrenaline coursing through him as they waited to be let into the arena – made his body feel numb.

The air was almost palpable with excitement – radiating off the fighters as they all crammed into the tight corridor. He could faintly hear the noise of the crowd, and knew it would be ten times louder as soon as the door before them opened and they were let out into that dirt-floored pit.

For the first time since he and Acxa had set off for Zaleer, reality sunk in, and Lance realized two things simultaneously:

One, there was a chance Keith had not survive whatever had happened to him the previous night – despite the rules that had been laid down.

And two, there was a very good chance he, Lance, was about to die.

 

Acxa’s sudden grip on his elbow brought him out of the downward spiral his mind was taking.

“Listen to me,” she hissed in his ear. “Whatever you do, you can’t let him see your face.”

Lance’s mind was still catching up. “What?” he croaked.

“Keith,” she hissed, her grip tightening. “Maybe you know already, but in case you don’t…Lance, no matter what, just keep your mask on, because if Keith sees your face, I don’t know what he will do – but it won’t help our plans.”

“What _could_ he do? He’s going to be chained like –“

Acxa growled in frustration.

A loud, grinding noise sounded from before them as the door slowly began to rise.

“If he sees you risking your life to save him,” Acxa scowled at him. “He will do something stupid. It won’t matter if he’s chained or not.” The door had almost reached the top, and the fighters began to move forward, buzzing with anticipation. Axca was pulled away from Lance as they were swept forward with the group, but he could just hear her voice over the clamor of the crowd outside. “You are his weakness.”

Lance moved automatically with the fighters around him, his legs carrying him forward while his mind reeled from her words.

It was stupid, he finally decided. Keith didn’t have any weaknesses.

 

 

The view from the arena floor was entirely different. The announcer’s voice was louder, the sense of danger crackled through the stands like lightning, making Lance shiver. But he moved with the group of fighters, walking steadily across the arena until they came to stand in a single line, the platform looming above their heads.

“It appears one of you will be lucky tonight as well,” the announcer’s voice boomed through the arena. “Our prize from the previous night has survived to stand before you another day. He may be a little worse for wear, but still…who could pass up the opportunity to spend an evening having a former paladin of Voltron at their command?”

The cheering of the crowd was muffled by the buzzing in Lance’s ears as Keith was shoved into the spotlight at the end of the platform.

A deep, dark fury began to form in his chest because _worse for wear_ was probably the biggest understatement he had ever heard.

Despite everything, Keith stood straight and stoic, staring out above the crowd. But Lance was closer this time, and he could see the dark purple bruises that littered his exposed skin. He could see the scratches and bite marks along his shoulders and waist. He could see the way his legs trembled as if he might collapse any second.

 

Lance’s feet had already carried him several steps forward before a blast hit the arena floor only inches away from his shoe, making dirt spray up into his face. He halted, but he could not control his shaking. He could not tear his eyes away from Keith as the crowd fell silent.

A large Galra soldier leaned over the edge of the platform, teeth bared in a sneer.

“Let this be a lesson to all contestants,” he called down to Lance. “Do not get too impatient, or you will be eliminated early and without honor.” He raised the blaster and pointed it at Lance’s head. The crowd jeered, but Lance heard none of it because suddenly Keith’s eyes were on him.

He knew his mask and the distance between them would prevent Keith from recognizing him – especially because Lance was probably the last person he expected to see in this place.

But despite Acxa’s warning, he wanted to rip the mask off. He wanted to find a way up onto that platform and kill every Galra soldier that stood between him and his friend.

He wanted Keith to know he was not alone in this horrible place.

“Get back in line,” the soldier with the blaster ordered, and Lance reluctantly complied, hating everything in that moment.

Hating himself most of all.

 

 

Lance had been dismayed to learn there were no guns of any kind available in the armory. It made sense, of course: They wanted the fight to be as up close and bloody as possible. The audience would have found no entertainment in watching him snipe all the other contestants in a couple ticks.

He was even more grateful, now, for the little bit of training he’d had with Voltron after his bayard had morphed into the Altean broadsword – and the extensive hours he’d spent with Keith sparring hand to hand.

Acxa had selected two curved daggers and some protective gear, and Lance had armed himself with a small knife as well as a long sword. He had secured his hood over his hair, and had pulled his mask back up to cover most of his face.

The other competitors were similarly dressed and armed.

By the time they all squared off, waiting for the signal to begin the match, Lance was convinced adrenaline had completely replaced the blood in his veins.

He didn’t have time to form any kind of strategy because the moment the horn blew to start the match, two large fighters were rushing toward him.

They split off…one Galra wielding a sword charging at him head on, while the other – an alien with green skin and yellow spikes protruding from her back, swinging something that looked vaguely like a medieval flail – circled around to attack him from behind.

The Galra lunged at him, and Lance’s body moved on instinct, blocking the heavy downward sweep of the blade with his sword. Immediately, he broke away and dropped – rolling away just as the flail whistled over his head, striking the earth with a solid _thunk_. He popped back up – sword in one hand, knife in the other.

 

_Don’t stop moving. Don’t give them a shot._

They had obviously targeted him because he was small, and they thought he would be an easy mark to take out early on – to thin out the competition – but they had picked the wrong person to underestimate.

Lance had been underestimated all his life.

As the youngest member of his family, he had always been chasing in his siblings’ footsteps, trying desperately to measure up to them and their accomplishments.

At the Garrison, his classmates and teachers had never taken him seriously.

Even with Voltron, he was still just the goofball. The extra. The weak link on the team.

Except…

 

_Lance, lead the way. Keep the team together._

_And we’re gonna do it with the Lance that’s the paladin of the red lion. The Lance that’s always got my back. And the Lance who knows exactly who he is and what he’s got to offer._

_We’ve come a long way since then._

The two fighters were grinning at him – flourishing their weapons and playing to the crowd. It was supposed to be a show, after all…but Lance didn’t have time for that. This was still a fight, and he needed it to be over.

He may not have been as quick as Keith, but he was still faster than these two.

He locked eyes with the Galra and spread his arms out, cocking his head to one side and raising an eyebrow as if to say _Come at me, bro_.

His silent challenge worked as he had hoped. With a growl, the fighter charged him again slicing at Lance with his blade. It became obvious in about two ticks that this Galra had no control over his emotions, and was used to taking down opponents using nothing but his superior strength. The angrier he got, as Lance continued to evade him, the wilder his movements became.

It finally came to a head as the fighter let out a growl of annoyance, thrusting his sword at Lance’s face. Lance saw the move coming a mile away and quickly sidestepped the strike, jabbing his knife upwards into the alien’s arm as it shot past him – feeling his blade sink into flesh and slice through muscle. He pivoted, yanking the knife from the Galra’s arm and, in the same movement, lashed backwards with his sword. The green-skinned alien blinked at him in shock, her arm raised to deliver a blow that never came. Her wide eyes dropped to her abdomen as Lance drew his sword back from where it had penetrated her body between the plates of armor covering her torso. Never stopping – not dwelling on the fact that she would most likely die from that blow – he spun back around, flicking the wrist or his sword hand so the blood sprayed off the blade and into the eyes of the Galra, temporarily blinding him.

He scrubbed the blood from his eyes just in time to see Lance’s knife slicing toward his throat.

 

With those two out of the way, he turned to see who else was left – and specifically to see how Acxa was faring. He spotted her just in time to see her launch herself at one opponent. Her arms latched onto his neck and she used her momentum to swing her body around – her feet connecting solidly with the chest of another fighter, sending him hurtling backwards. One of her daggers flew after him, burying itself in his chest. She wrapped her arms around her first opponent’s neck, squeezing tightly until he dropped to his knees in the dirt – crumpling as he lost consciousness.

_Good thing she’s on my side,_ he thought wryly, before hefting his blades again and charging at two fighters who were grappling nearby.

Lance dropped to his knees, sliding easily on the packed dirt floor. Using his comparative size and flexibility, he slipped between the two fighters, lashing out low and fast with his sword and knife as he slid past their legs. The two larger fighters broke apart and stumbled away – surprised and bleeding.

Lance didn’t give them an opportunity to come after him. While they were still disoriented and reeling from the unexpected attack, he was already springing to his feet and sprinting toward his next opponent.

 

_Don’t stop moving. Use your own momentum to carry on the fight._

 

He saw Acxa running in his direction and veered off to meet her.

“You’re not injured are you?” She was panting slightly, blood splattered across the mask that covered the bottom half of her face, and stained her arms and chest-plate.

Lance shook his head. He was also breathing hard. “You?”

“No.” Her voice was determined. “Let’s end this.”

 

 

There were only three other fighters left in the arena, now. One of them – a tall Galra with long limbs and a muscular tail was already making a beeline toward Lance. Acxa gave him a nod and took off toward the other two.

The Galra eyed Lance as he approached, his movements smooth and calculated. He raised one arm, his sharply-curved blade pointing directly at Lance’s face in a challenge.

“I’ve had my eye on you from the beginning.” His voice was deep and rough. “I thought you wouldn’t last two ticks in the fight, but you’ve proved me wrong.” Cocking his head to one side, his lips curled back in a smirk. “You are obviously not one of us, but there is something vaguely Galra about the way you fight.”

Under normal circumstances, Lance would have had a snide remark to throw at him, but he was too tired; too anxious; too focused to engage in meaningless banter.

“Did you come here to talk it out?” He flicked his blade out, splattering the remaining drops of blood still clinging to the metal onto the packed dirt. “You wanna fight or what?”

The Galra’s smirk stretched into a sneer – and he lunged forward without warning. Lance only just managed to sidestep the thrust. He brought his blades up immediately, blocking a backhanded slash as his opponent pivoted with lightning speed and struck out at him.

This fighter was different than the others. He was fast and precise – his moves calculated. Against this opponent, Lance knew he would have to be careful. He couldn’t let this Galra provoke him because if he let go of his emotions, now, he would probably lose his life.

_It’s not just your life,_ he reminded himself. _If you only fight for yourself, you are going to lose._

He settled into the stance Keith had taught him, thanking any deity who would listen that he had trained with someone who was much quicker than he was. Lance knew how to counter speed. He knew to expect a change of direction on a split second’s notice. He knew things that would have thrown off most everyone else.

He saw anger flickering below the surface of the Galra’s yellow eyes as Lance countered every attack thrown his way.

Finally the Galra’s frustration boiled over and he swung his tail out – the appendage digging into the earth and flicking loose dirt into Lance’s face.

Cursing, Lance leaped backwards, feeling the rush of air from the Galra’s blade as it sliced past his face, missing him by a hair’s breadth. The Galra said he had been watching Lance, so he must have seen him pull this move earlier and thought to use it against him.

He swiped one hand across his face, hurriedly brushing the dirt from his eyes – bringing his blade up just in time to block a downward sweep of the heavy sword.

The two of them froze – their blades locked. It was a bad position for Lance to be in. The Galra towered over him, pressing down with all his strength as Lance fought to keep his blade from slipping.

It was no use, though.

Lance broke away with a grunt, hoping the sudden lack of resistance would cause the Galra to stumble or fall on his face.

He ducked back, dodging out of the way…but he wasn’t quite quick enough as the tip of the Galra’s sword caught on his facemask. Regaining his balance, the Galra snarled and flicked his wrist, trying to dislodge the weapon.

The mask covering Lance’s face was torn from his head. It skittered across the packed earth of the arena, and Lance gritted his teeth, spinning around and raising his blades to block the attack he knew would be coming.

 

But the attack never came.

 

 

His opponent was staring at him with wide eyes, blade poised in the air. Lance glared up at him as the Galra slowly straightened out of his fighting stance and leveled his sword at Lance’s face.

“I know you. You’re – you are the red paladin of Voltron.”

His voice was loud enough to fill the arena – and suddenly everything went silent. It was as if the crowd was holding a collective breath of anticipation.

Overcoming his initial surprise, a sneer split the Galra’s face. “Did you come here to rescue your friend?” Pivoting, he swung his sword around, stepping back and pointing the blade up at the platform. He commanded the attention of all present, playing to the crowd for all he was worth; relishing in this new, unexpected turn of events. “You have failed, and you will die knowing that you left your precious teammate at my mercy…and I am not feeling merciful today.”

Lance didn’t want to look, but he forced himself to raise his head – looking upwards until his face was fully exposed to anyone standing on the platform. Acxa’s warning be damned…there was no hiding his identity, now.

Keith was poised at the very edge of the platform, his shackled hands raised and his eyes wide with horror. The moment his eyes fell on Lance’s face, something inside him seemed to snap.

He let out a yell, wrenching his arms apart – the chain binding the shackles together bending – giving – _breaking_ with a satisfying snap. Keith whirled around, his yell turning to a growl as he lunged at the Galra soldier standing closest to him.

The soldier was too slow to react, and the blade at his hip was in Keith’s hand.

Blood sprayed out – splattering the platform – as shrieks and gasps sounded from the crowd of spectators as the soldier dropped heavily to the ground in a lifeless heap.

Everyone was clamoring and yelling – trying to get a better view – but Lance could see everything.

He could see the blind fury behind Keith’s movements as he launched himself at the other three soldiers with him on the platform. He saw each stroke of the blade as it hits its mark. He saw each drop of blood spraying from the soldiers’ wounds – showering the platform; staining Keith’s hands in a deep, angry red.

He saw the briefest moment of panic in the soldier’s eyes before they fell, one by one – knowing they never stood a chance.

He saw his own desperation and wrath reflected in Keith’s face as he stooped down and grabbed a blaster from one of the fallen Galra, stalking to the edge of the platform with purpose.

_You are his weakness,_ Acxa’s voice whispered through Lance’s mind. _No power in the universe strong enough to hold him back…_

Keith stood at the edge of the platform…injured and beaten, blood coating his skin and dripping thickly from the blade in his left hand. He was terrifying and deadly…but all Lance wanted to do was take him in his arms; to wash the blood from his skin and tell him he was safe.

Keith raised his right arm – his movements controlled and deliberate – and aimed the blaster at Lance’s opponent.

 

For a moment, nobody moved. The entire arena was holding its breath. It was so quiet, the sudden sound of the doors located around the pit scraping open cut through the silence like a gunshot.

Lance turned just enough to see soldiers entering the arena from all around, moving slowly and carefully toward his position in the center of the floor.

Lance’s opponent had noticed the soldiers as well. Turning, his eyes briefly caught Lance’s with a gleeful gleam before he focused his attention back on Keith.

“Do you know what will happen if you kill me?” The lanky Galra was far too calm, given the fact that he was currently being held at gunpoint. “You think you are so tough – such a fierce little fighter – but you have made a grave mistake.” He gestured to Lance with one sharp claw. “You have shown how much you care for the safety of the red paladin. You have no more cards to play, little half-breed, because I would wager my life you would do anything to keep him from taking your place as the winner’s prize.” He lowered his arms, gesturing around the arena. “You can see he is surrounded. If you shoot me, they will open fire – and either you will die, and he will take your place, or he will die and your efforts will have been wasted.” He paused, letting the words sink in before tilting his head, as if considering another angle. “Or,” he added, “is that what you want? Wouldn’t it be nice to give your body a chance to rest and recover from the previous night? To have someone else take your place?” His eyes flicked to Lance again, and Lance wanted to shiver as those yellow eyes slid from his feet all the way up to his face, slowly and pointedly. “If I recall, the red paladin is second in command – and I could certainly work with this.”

Keith’s hand holding the blaster dropped like a stone. The weapon slipped from his fingers and fell twenty feet to the arena floor in a puff of dust.

“Good,” the Galra said mockingly. “Now, declare me the winner. I want to hear you say that I am the champion of this match, and you will do whatever I say.”

“Keith, don’t you fucking dare!” Lance was shaking with fear and rage. “I’m still in this fight,” he snapped at his opponent. “We are going to finish this the way it was meant to be.”

A shot whizzed past Lance’s head from one of the soldiers positioned behind him. It grazed his cheekbone, leaving a long line of blood that welled up and started to drip down toward his jaw.

“You are the winner. I will do anything you ask.”

“Keith, no –“

“Just don’t hurt him. Leave him out of this, and I will do anything you tell me to.”

 

_You are his weakness,_ Acxa’s voice whispered.

 

Lance felt like his body was cracking – breaking apart at the seams. “Keith, please…It doesn’t matter what happens to me, just don’t –“

“Agreed.” The Galra’s blade slid back into the sheath at his hip, and he pivoted sharply, leveling a self-satisfied smile at Lance. He sauntered forward, never breaking eye contact until he came to stand parallel to Lance. “You look like you want to kill me,” his voice was no longer loud enough for the crowd to hear. This was for Lance’s ears, only. “But choose your next actions wisely. They will reflect upon how your friend is treated in the next six vargas.”

“I will make you pay for this.” Lance was seeing red. His fingers wrapped so tightly around the blade in his hand, it felt like an extension of his own body.

“Not today, little lion.”

“If you fucking touch him I will –“

The Galra was suddenly leaning down – his yellow eyes only inches away from Lance’s. His words, a whisper in Lance’s ear: A threat; a promise. “Oh, I am not going to touch him. He is the half-breed son of the woman who murdered my sister. He is the leader of Voltron. No, I am not going to touch him…I am going to break him.”

 

 

 

 

**Three Months Ago:**

_Lance ran to the window as the ball of light streaked across the sky. Whatever was falling, it was large and coming in fast – too fast. Lance flinched away from the window as the object crashed into the field he had just planted, sending up a wave of earth as it skidded to a stop._

_He was out of the house and racing across the yard before he even realized what he was doing. As he neared the field, he was able to make out the shape of a single-person ship amidst the speckles of fire that littered the mounds of earth around it – wings broken off and cockpit window cracked._

_He could just make out the shape of a figure inside, and after briefly assessing the damage done to the hull, he deemed it stable enough to climb up and pry the cockpit hatch open._

_But it was wrong._

_Everything was wrong._

_His mind wouldn’t allow him to accept the scene that met his eyes as he looked down into the ship’s cockpit._

_Everything was red – but this was the wrong kind of red._

_Red was Lance’s favorite color. Red always made him feel happy and warm._

_But this red was flashing warning lights across the ship’s dashboard. This red was the screech of the alarm from the ship’s system failures._

_This red was spreading and pooling across the grooves in the floor._

_This red was running from a wound in the pilot’s chest, dripping off the chair and hitting the floor in thick, heavy drops._

_The pilot…_

_…who was red._

_“Keith, no –“ Lance didn’t even recognize his own voice. He was climbing into the cockpit, his shaking hands reaching out. “No, no, no, no, no!”_

_His face was directly in front of Keith’s now, and eyes slowly opened – bleary at first, but clearing as they focused on Lance._

_Lance was crying. Every fiber of his body was trying to scream in protest…in denial and rage and grief._

_Because there was too much red…_

_…and he knew._

_Keith’s hand was on his cheek._

_“I wanted to see you.” Lance would have recognized that voice anywhere, in any intonation. But he had never wanted to hear it like this – hoarse and weak and full of regret…_

_Keith’s eyes were on his, sorrowful and soft. “I wanted to say goodbye.”_

_“But you’re not going anywhere.”_

_Keith only smiled at him, his fingers slipping off Lance’s cheek; his hand dropping to hang limply beside the chair._

_“No, Keith – you’re staying with me.” Lance knew it was hopeless. He knew he should be saying goodbye. He knew he was wasting time in denial, but he couldn’t let go. “You can’t leave me like this. You can’t leave me all alone.”_

_But Keith’s eyes were already going dull. His face was pale and the movement of his chest was stilling._

_Lance felt the world spinning out of control. He felt a scream rising through his body._

_The sky cracked open and rain poured down on him like a tidal wave, and –_

_– Lance was in his bed._

_His heart was pounding, and he couldn’t breathe. His hands were reaching out in front of him, but there was nothing there._

_He was in his room. He was in his bed. He had had a nightmare._

_But he could still see Keith’s eyes going dark. He could still feel Keith’s touch on his cheek. He could still hear Keith’s voice whispering goodbye._

_Lance’s legs could barely hold him as he stumbled out of his room and down the stairs. He burst through the front door, expecting to see a crashed ship in the nearby field – expecting fire and blood and –_

_But there was nothing._

_The night stretched around him, calm and serene, broken only by the occasional sound of whatever nocturnal creatures lurked in the darkness._

_He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, just catching his breath and staring out into the night. After a while, the door behind him creaked open and two figures came to stand on either side of him._

“ _Mijo_ ,” _his mothers voice was gentle and concerned. “Are you all right?”_

_He felt his father’s comforting hand on his shoulder. “Was it a nightmare?”_

_His parents would understand. They had grown accustomed to Keith’s visits. His father always commented on how much he enjoyed having Keith around to help out – how he was impressed by how busy that boy liked to keep. His mother never said outright, but Lance knew how much she enjoyed Keith’s presence from the little smile she sometimes wore in secret as she watched them all eat and laugh and talk around the dinner table._

_They knew how much he had helped Lance, and they knew of his lonely past. In the two years since they all had returned to Earth for good, they had come to consider Keith a part of the family._

_They would understand why the dream was having such an effect on him._

_Lance pointed with a shaky finger to the field beyond. “I dreamed that a ship crashed just there. When I ran to see if the pilot had survived…it was Keith. I tried to help him but he was bleeding…” He shook his head, trying to erase that image that still haunted his thoughts. “I watched him die.”_

_His mother made a soft, sympathetic sound. “You’re worried about your friend, but it was just a dream.”_

_“I know, Mom, I just…” He felt the panic rising in his chest again. When he continued, his voice was a whisper. “But it’s not like it couldn’t happen. Something could happen while he’s on a mission. Something could go wrong, and I will never…” He couldn’t finish the sentence._

_Out of his peripherals, he saw his parents exchange a glance._

_“Lance,” his father said softly. “The next time you see him, you should tell him these things. Or,” he added. “Why don’t you join him on his next mission? I’m sure he’d be happy for the company. Maybe that would help put your mind at ease.”_

_Lance was silent, considering those words. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about doing just that._

_His mother patted his arm gently. “Why don’t you come back inside? Send Keith a message in the morning and ask him when he’ll be back to visit. You know that boy is always welcome here.”_

_Lance let out a shaky breath, bordering on a chuckle. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. I’ll do that. I’m…I’m sorry for waking you both up.”_

_His mother’s arm wrapped around him, and she gave him a little squeeze before turning him around and guiding him back into the house. “No need to apologize. Just get yourself back up to bed, and I’ll make you something special for breakfast tomorrow, okay?”_

_Lance gave both his parents a brief but strong hug before trudging back up the stairs to his room. His legs were still a little wobbly, but his parents’ company had helped calm him down._

_The minute he lay down in his bed, however, the images returned – blood dripping off the pilot’s chair…seeping into the crevices of Keith’s armor…his hand falling limply at his side…_

_Lance was reaching for his phone, breathing shallowly. It took him several tries to type the words in correctly._

 

**_When I say vol you say…_ **

 

_It was less than a minute before his phone pinged and the corresponding answer popped up._

 

**_Voltron_**.

_Then an image replaced the words on the screen. Lance had managed to snap a picture of the exact moment Kosmo materialized out of thin air, about to land on top of Keith. Lance had set it up in his phone so that every time Keith called, he would see that image. It made him laugh every time he remembered the shriek of surprise Keith had uttered as the big ball of blue fur and slobber came hurtling toward him from above._

 

__

_The frozen image of Keith’s face was replaced by the real thing as Lance answered the video call. Keith’s hair was messy and he blinked sleepily at his phone._

_It was suddenly, painfully obvious to Lance that he had just woken him up._

_And of course he had. It was the middle of the night._

_“Hey, man, I’m sorry –“ Lance began. “I didn’t mean –“_

_Keith rubbed his eyes, making a soft grumbling noise at the back of his throat. “Don’t worry about it. You okay? Was it a nightmare?”_

_“Are **you** okay?”_

_The worry in Lance’s voice must have been far too apparent because suddenly Keith looked more awake and attentive. He tilted his head slightly to the side, his eyebrows pulling up. “Yeah, of course I am. I mean, I probably look like death right now, but that’s just ‘cause…”_

_“Okay.” Lance didn’t really know what he was doing. Keith obviously would prefer to be sleeping than talking to him. But his mouth didn’t seem to share the same guilt. “Okay, good. Because I just watched you die in my dream.”_

_Keith went still for a moment, just staring at him. Then, quietly, “You had a nightmare…about me?”_

_The soft bewilderment in Keith’s voice was too much for Lance to process in that moment. “Yeah,” he chuckled nervously. “I had a dream you crashed in the field by my house. You were bleeding everywhere. You were dying and I knew there was nothing I could do to stop it and it felt so real. It felt so real, and I think it’s because I know…I know it could actually happen at any time. You’re out there risking your life every day and I guess my subconscious is just telling me that I don’t…I don’t want to lose you.” He let out a shaky breath. “I just…needed to know you were okay. I’m sorry I woke you up.”_

_Keith didn’t respond right away, and when Lance looked up at him he had the oddest look on his face. Finally, he shook his head slowly._

_“You don’t need to worry about me, okay? You have enough to worry about already, so don’t add me into the mix.”_

_“Well, it’s not like I can pick and choose who I worry about.” Lance was calming down again – seeing Keith’s face, even if it was just through a screen, was comforting. He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment, wondering why the next question seemed so hard to ask. He’d asked it so many times before without any issue, but now – tonight – it seemed…more. Maybe it was the fact that they were both in their respective beds, and it was the middle of the night. Maybe it was the fact that the dream had affected him more than any others he could remember. Maybe it was Keith’s messy hair and sleepy eyes, and the fact that he had responded immediately to Lance’s text. “When…are you coming home?”_

_Back. He had meant to say back. When are you coming back? When are you coming to visit? When will you be returning to earth? When is your mission going to be over? Any of those would have been appropriate questions – but the word home had slipped out involuntarily._

_Keith gave him a small, sleepy smile. “Soon. We’re almost done here – maybe another movement or two – and then we have to report back to Kolivan. If he has something else for us, we’ll leave immediately, but if he doesn’t we’ll head straight to Earth. I know Acxa wants to get back as much as I do.”_

_A slow grin stretched across Lance’s face and he wagged a finger at the screen. “Acxa’s excited to see my sister because they’re dating. If you want to get back as much as she does…that must mean I am your poor, lonely sweetheart just pining away, waiting for you to return from the battlefield.” His grin broadened and he snorted a laugh. “Should I be writing you sad, heartfelt letters?” He put his hand to his forehead dramatically. “My dearest Keith,” he intoned. “The days have been long and lonesome –“_

_“Lance –“_

_“– without the warmth and comfort of you in my bed.“_

_“Lance –“_

_“I long for the day when you shall return to my arms, and –“_

“ _Sweetheart_.”

_Whatever else Lance had been about to say died in his throat. He gaped at Keith, trying to hide how much that one word had affected him._

_He hid it poorly, however, because Keith’s mouth was curving in a grin, and his eyes glittered with an expression that clearly stated ‘Two can play at this game.’_

_“Yeah, I thought that would shut you up.”_

_Lance let his face slide into a pout. “How rude.”_

_“If you’re done –“ Lance could tell that Keith was trying to sound annoyed, even though he actually wasn’t. “I probably should get back to sleep. It’s an early start tomorrow.”_

_“Oh. Yeah. Of course.” It wasn’t like Lance had wanted to stay up the rest of the night talking to Keith. That totally was not what he wanted to happen. “Let me know, you know…about when you’ll come to visit.”_

_“I will. And Lance?” There was just the slightest shift in Keith’s expression – the smallest change to the tone of his voice that had Lance holding his breath in anticipation._

_“Y-yeah?”_

_“There’s something…” Keith faltered and tried again. “I mean, I would like to…” His gaze darted down then quickly back up. “Can we talk? When I get back to earth…can we talk? Just you and me?”_

_“Yeah, man. Of course.”_

_Keith gave him a hopeful smile before ending the call – and Lance was left staring at his own face in the reflection of the screen._

_When he tried to fall asleep again after that, he couldn’t. His heart was beating too fast – but for a completely different reason._

_The next time he saw Keith, he was standing on a platform above a Galra fighting pit._

**Present Day:**

 

Lance was losing his mind.

He had awoken in a cell, his head aching from the blow that had knocked him unconscious.

He knew from experience that there was no escaping a Galra prison. There was no flaw in the design; no crack in the walls. No secret passage. But that didn’t stop him from trying every possible thing he could think of to break out.

He kept seeing his opponent’s face in his mind…hearing the words he had whispered in his ear.

His knuckles were bruised and bloody, because after he had tried everything else, the only thing he could think to do was beat his fists raw against the unforgiving plane of the door.

It was the only thing that kept his mind from imagining what was happening to Keith at this very moment.

 

He needed a distraction, because no matter how he looked at it, this was his fault.

 

He had come here – entered the match – to win; to save his friend, but he had failed.

He hadn’t been enough to keep Allura from sacrificing herself.

He hadn’t been enough to save Keith.

He couldn’t even do something as simple as keep his mask on during the match – and Acxa had been right. The minute Keith saw Lance’s face, he had done something stupid.

 

He slammed his fist again into the door, hearing the satisfying clang echo down the deserted hallway.

Keith was going to hate him. Keith would never forgive him – and he shouldn’t. This was unforgivable.

This was worse than losing Allura – because she had chosen her fate. She had left them to save everyone. She was gone, and that had left a huge, dark hole in Lance’s heart knowing he would never see her again.

But it hadn’t been his fault. He may not have mattered enough to make her stay and find another solution, but it had not been his fault.

 

_You have failed, and you will die knowing that you left your precious teammate at my mercy…_

 

He slammed his fist into the door again with a broken cry, the shock of the impact reverberating up his arm and into his shoulder.

What was happening right now? What were they doing to Keith at this very moment while he was stuck in here, helpless and trapped?

 

_I am going to break him…_ the Galra’s voice whispered in Lance’s mind, yellow eyes flashing and teeth bared in a predator’s grin.

 

Lance needed to get out of the cell. He needed to do something. He needed to fix everything.

But what could he do?

He fell forward, his arms pressed to the door, his head hanging down as he tried to breathe.

“Please…” His voice was small and broken. “Please, I need help. I can’t do this…I can’t…please –“

_Red –_ He sent the thought out into the universe in desperation. _I need you. Keith is in danger, and we need you. Please!_

But he knew, even as he thought it, that there would be no reply. The lions were gone. Everyone was gone.

Lance was alone, and Keith was going to die.

He thought he heard his name – faint and urgent – but dismissed the thought immediately. No one was here. He was trapped, and no one was –

“Lance!”

 

His head snapped up because he had not imagined that. He knew that voice, and it was close by.

“I’m here!” He pounded his fist against the door twice for good measure.

Footsteps sounded from outside the cell, faint, but getting closer. They stopped in front of the door.

“Stand back.”

Lance pivoted away, pressing his back against the side wall of the cell. There was a hiss, a spark, and then he watched with wide eyes as the metal of the door began to glow red-hot. A moment later something slammed into the door and it was flung open, the locking mechanism reduced to molten metal.

 

And then he remembered.

He had given orders to Shiro in case he and Acxa had not checked in by the time they arrived on Zaleer.

Shiro.

Shiro…and Acxa – who must have escaped somehow after the match.

Shiro and Acxa.

 

Lance strode out of the cell with renewed purpose and urgency.

“Lance, are you all right?”

He brushed off Shiro’s question with a wave of his hand, turning to Acxa. “Do you know where they’ve taken him?”

“Yes. After Keith agreed to that Galra’s terms and they knocked you out, they let me and the other one left alive just leave, guaranteeing us both a spot in tomorrow’s match.” She was already grabbing Lance by the arm, dragging him down the corridor of the prison. “It’s the same room as before, but he’s been there for at least two vargas already, and there are four guards posted outside, as before.”

Lance shook her hand off, hurrying to keep pace with her. “It doesn’t matter how many guards there are.” He glanced back at Shiro who was keeping step with them. “Do we have any weapons?”

Shiro gave Lance a grim, tight-lipped smile as he un-holstered a gun from his hip and handed it over.

“Acxa contacted me as soon as she was able to. She told me everything that has happened. I thought you might need this.”

Lance’s fingers slid around the smooth metal, feeling the weight of the gun in his hand. Yes. This was exactly what he needed right now. “Pidge and Hunk?” he asked.

They had reached the end of the corridor by then, and Lance’s question was answered for him.

It was a little strange to see his two friends back in armor, holding weapons and preparing to fight.

Lance nodded a greeting to them, but spared no time for anything else.

“Okay, here’s what’s going to happen,” he said, keeping his voice low – his senses on full alert in case they were spotted. “Acxa, you are going to take Shiro and me directly to the room where they are holding Keith. We will kill the guards and anyone in that room. Pidge and Hunk – you guys will keep watch and find us an exit route. We will need to get him back to our ships as quickly as possible – and avoid detection if we can help it. They are not going to give him up easily, so if we are spotted, there will be trouble.” His voice dropped dangerously low. “If we are seen and they try to stop us – we kill anyone who stands in our path.”

“Lance –“ Hunk’s voice wavered in concern.

“You didn’t see him. You didn’t see what they did to him!” Lance was shaking, his eyes fierce and intense. “You don’t know what they’re doing to him right now! We kill anyone who stands in the way.”

Acxa gripped his arm and he glanced over at her. Whatever had stood between them before in the years prior was gone, now. He knew, even if the others were hesitant about his orders, Acxa was with him one hundred percent.

Lance turned back to the others, looking first at Pidge and Hunk pointedly. His eyes found Shiro’s next and he gave a sharp nod. “Let’s go.”

Acxa took the lead – Lance and Shiro bringing up a close tail, while Pidge and Hunk followed behind.

“Lance,” Shiro murmured as they hurried down the dimly-lit hallway. “How…how bad is it? What should I prepare myself for?”

Lance gave him a quick glance before turning his attention back on the path before them. Fury seethed in his chest and gave him renewed strength and purpose. “When you see him…you will agree with my order to kill them all. Prepare yourself for that.”

There was silence after that. No one said a word as they followed Acxa through the underbelly of the arena.

Knowing it was just as pointless as trying to contact Red didn’t stop Lance from reaching out mentally as he ran.

 

_Keith_ – he thought fiercely. _Just hang on a little longer. We’re going to find you and get you out of here, I promise._ He pushed down the fear and anguish twisting inside his gut. He shoved aside the image of Keith standing on the platform – bruised and blood-spattered, eyes burning with murder.

He focused all his attention on conjuring up the image of Keith’s face the last time they had spoken on the phone.

Messy hair.

Sleepy eyes.

A soft smile.

 

_Can we talk…just you and me?_

 

And even though he knew Keith could not hear him, he sent the thought out – picturing it winding through the corridors and passageways under the arena. _We’ll talk. We’ll talk about whatever you want. And maybe I’ll even be able to find the right word for what you mean to me. Just hang on._

_Just hang on because I can’t lose you._

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for the next chapter. It's gonna be a tough one.
> 
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	5. Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team goes to rescue Keith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING ON THIS CHAPTER!!!
> 
> As I said in the beginning and in my initial tumblr post, it doesn't go into anything explicit, but dealing with the emotional side of things can be tough, too, so...YOU ALL HAVE BEEN WARNED.

 

 

 

  

HERE

 

 

 

 

The hallway leading away from the prison was deserted.

Lance chose to see this as a positive, instead of focusing on the overwhelming and terrifying suspicion that each cell they had passed by on their way out housed the skeletons of long forgotten prisoners.

If he followed that particular train of thought too far it lead him down the path of realization that he could have easily been one of them.

 

Fortunately, Acxa set a quick pace, leaving Lance no time to dwell on such thoughts, as all of his focus was put into the effort of trying to keep up while still moving quietly.

Occasionally he glanced back to check on the others because, despite everything, he was still in charge of this mission – and there was no way he was losing a single member of this team.

Their hallway soon came to a dead end – veering off in two directions perpendicular from their current path. Acxa halted as they reached the split, raising a hand to signify the others to hold position. Lance stepped up beside her, and they both peered around the corner to their left.

This second hallway stretching out before them appeared deserted as well, and Lance cast a questioning look at Acxa – his whole body buzzing with the need to keep moving.

She tapped a finger to one of her ears and pointed down the hallway.

No matter how Lance strained or tilted his head, he could not hear a thing. His trust in Acxa’s superior abilities was absolute, however, and gave her a short nod.

He turned back to the rest of the team, mouthing the words _Be ready_ as he held his gun up and motioned for them to follow.

Shiro’s eyes were cold as he raised his prosthetic hand like a weapon.

Pidge gave him a fierce, determined nod, her fingers grazing the instrument clipped to her belt – an electric, projectile device she had built to mimic her bayard as much as she had been able.

Hunk drew in a breath, giving Lance a long, pointed look. They had known each other for so long, now, Lance understood exactly what Hunk was trying to tell him with that expression…

 

_Be careful, Lance._

_Don’t kill if you don’t have to._

_You’re going to regret it if you do._

Lance realized he didn’t care.

He knew he should care. He knew he should listen to Hunk, but all he could see were the bruises on Keith’s skin. All he could hear were the words the Galra had whispered to him in the arena – and he knew he would do anything to get Keith out of this place alive. He would kill if he had to. He would sacrifice if he had to.

 

_Whatever it takes._

 

Lance turned back to Acxa, and they began to move down the hallway together – walking as silently as possible.

There were several doors on either side of the corridor, but only one of them was ajar. As they approached this doorway, Lance heard the voices – laughing, joking, jovial voices that made him shake with anger. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that whoever was in that room probably had nothing to do with Keith’s fate directly, but the fact that they were down here right now laughing like nothing horrendous was happening made him furious.

The team moved to the far right wall, approaching the doorway with extreme caution. Acxa leaned forward, peering into the room as much as she was able without being noticed.

After a moment she pulled back, shifting toward Lance and typing quickly on the communication device on her wrist.

 

**_5 soldiers. Distracted. We should be able to sneak past 1 at a time._ **

 

He nodded before typing out a similar message on his own device and showing it to the rest of the team.

Acxa waited for a moment, poised at the edge of the doorframe – then she dashed across the open space, stopping at the wall opposite.

One by one, they followed her – moving as quickly and silently as they could.

Lance’s heart pounded every time someone else dashed past the room…but they all made it without incident and hurried on their way until they reached a stairway leading even further down. Here, Acxa halted again and turned to face the team.

“The room where they have Keith is down there. They keep it far away from everything else so no one can hear –“ She broke off before finishing that sentence – but Lance’s mind supplied the rest. “This will be more difficult,” she continued in a hushed, urgent whisper. “The room where they have him is at the very end of an open hallway. There will be soldiers posted outside the door, and there is no way to approach without them seeing us.”

Pidge stepped in close to them, holding out her arm. A hologram was displayed above her wrist, showing the floor plan of the level they were currently on. “Hunk and I still need to find the fastest route out of here,” she said, pointing to a juncture on the hologram. “Is this location out of view of the soldiers? Hunk and I need a place to work unseen and undisturbed.”

Acxa examined the map for a second before nodding. “Yes. I believe that is where I hid before when I discovered where they took him.” Her finger traced along two parallel lines on the hologram. “This is the hallway we have to take. It comes to a dead end at the room, so there is only one way in and one way out.” Her gaze flickered over to Lance’s and held.

He knew what she was saying. Turning to Hunk, he placed a gentle hand on his friend’s shoulder. “You and Pidge keep out of view. Find us a route out of here, okay? Don’t think about anything else.”

Understanding flashed across Hunk’s face, and he started to shake his head. “Lance, buddy, you don’t –“

“Hey, I’m counting on you, Hunk.” Lance cut him off, his voice low and gentle. “Remember why we’re here. I need you to keep it together, okay? Keith needs you.”

Hunk held his gaze for a moment, biting his bottom lip. Then he nodded. “I’m here for you.”

Lance gave him a tight smile before turning back to the others. “Okay, let’s go. Acxa, Shiro…follow me.”

When they reached the juncture, Pidge and Hunk set themselves up with their backs pressed against the wall and got to work pulling up a route for their escape.

Lance felt strangely calm as he glanced at Acxa and Shiro.

He drew in a breath, and then stepped around the wall and into full view of the soldiers positioned outside the door at the end of the hallway.

There were four of them, and they shifted subtly as he started toward them, striding with purpose.

He felt their eyes on him; saw their shoulders square – their bodies becoming more alert.

He kept moving forward.

 

_Sixty feet…_

One of the soldiers stepped forward.

 

_Fifty feet…_

“You are not allowed to be down here. Turn back and there won’t be any trouble.”

 

_Forty feet…_

 

Another soldier joined the first. Weapons were drawn. Feet shifted into defensive stances.

 

_Thirty feet…_

“This is your last warning. Turn around!”

 

_Twenty feet…_

Lance planted himself squarely before the soldiers, letting all of his rage and hatred show on his face. The gun was in his hand, aimed at the foremost soldier’s head. Something past over the Galra’s eyes as he glanced from Lance to Shiro to Acxa – a flicker of recognition.

“Do you want to die?” Lance didn’t recognize his own voice; it belonged to someone else – someone who would pull that trigger without hesitation. Someone who would not allow anything to stop him, now.

 

 

“We are just doing our job.” The soldier held his gaze.

“Is that job worth more than your life?” Shiro’s voice was deadly calm from behind Lance.

“The Karva-Sel will not –“

The soldier did not get a chance to finish. The smallest noise came from inside the room – a sound like a whimper, choked off at the source. A clatter. A low chuckle.

The soldier’s eyes widened in realization – the expression freezing on his face as his head whipped back with the force of the shot. He dropped heavily to the floor, a trickle of blood running down his forehead.

Three more shots echoed through the silence of the hallway, and Lance was shoving past the fallen soldiers – slamming the full weight of his body into the door.

Shiro was beside him. He raised his foot and gave one powerful kick to the latch – and then Lance was stumbling into the room as the door was flung open.

He took the scene in all at once – each separate aspect falling into place like pieces of a puzzle slotting together.

Various items littered the floor. Articles of clothing, weapons of every variety, straps and ropes and devices used to restrain were scattered amidst the speckles and splatters of blood.

Three pairs of yellow eyes turned to glare at him.

Three sets of pointed teeth bared in a snarl.

One set of hands held a metal rod that crackled and sparked with bolts of electricity.

One set of hands was smeared with blood; claws curling at the ends of long fingers.

One set of hands was wrapped around a throat.

 

As the three Galra turned, growling at the interruption, Lance saw who he was looking for.

 

Keith had been placed in a chair in the center of the room. He was completely immobilized – his wrists and ankles bound to the seat with a coarse rope.

Lance’s opponent from the arena loomed over him, one hand resting on the backrest of the chair while the other curled around Keith’s neck – pushing his chin up at an awkward angle.

Lance saw the blood on Keith’s face. He saw the limp position of his hands and the slump of his shoulders.

The gun was already in his hand.

He fired three times – watching as each Galra fell in turn.

 

_“I will make you pay for this,”_ he had promised the Galra in the pit.

Now the debt had been paid.

 

“Acxa, guard the door!” he called, the gun dropping from his hand and clattering to the floor as he leaped forward. “Shiro –“ He didn’t need to give the command. Shiro was already at his side as they ran across the room.

Lances former opponent had fallen on top of Keith, knocking the chair over. Shiro grabbed the lifeless body and hauled it off the chair as Lance dropped to his knees at Keith’s head. He brushed away Keith’s bangs that obscured his face, calling out his name.

Keith’s eyes were closed. His head lolled to the side – and fear slammed into Lance like a blow to the chest. His fingers pressed against Keith’s neck, finding the spot just below his jaw – searching, feeling, trying – failing –

“Shiro –“ Lance’s voice cracked under the weight of his panicked desperation.

“Get him out of the chair and onto his back.” Shiro was already working –practically ripped the chair apart with his bare hands.

Lance spun, grabbing a blade from one of the fallen Galra.

As soon as the ropes were cut, Shiro flung the broken remains of the chair across the room and lay Keith supine on the floor. He positioned his hand over Keith’s chest and pressed down. There was a muffled zap from his prosthetic arm and Keith’s body convulsed.

Shiro shocked him again…and again.

Lance was hyperventilating. He couldn’t think past the one word screaming through his mind like a prayer:

_Please please please please please –_

“Keith, don’t you fucking do this to me!” Shiro never swore. There was sweat on his brow, and his eyes were wide and frenzied.

_Zap._

“Come on, Keith!”

 

_Zap._

“Come back!”

 

_Zap._

“Fuck –“

 

And then –

 

 

 

A gasp.

A deep ragged intake of breath…a chest rising and falling as air was pushed back into lungs; as blood began to pump once again through the heart.

And finally…eyes opening. Unfocused and dazed, but slowly clearing.

A sound tore from Lance’s chest…a sob or a name, or both. He leaned forward on shaking limbs, placing one hand on Keith’s shoulder.

“Keith…”

It was a broken whisper, but the sound of his name seemed to catch Keith’s attention. Wincing, he swiveled his eyes up toward the sound of Lance’s voice.

Their eyes met…and Lance’s heart shattered in his chest. He saw the exact moment Keith recognized him. He watched in anguish as tears sprang to Keith’s eyes – overflowing down his cheeks, cutting clean lines through the dirt and blood that clouded his skin.

 

 

Lance repeated his name, choking on the word. One hand was unconsciously stroking the side of his friend’s face, wiping away the tears with his thumb. “I’m sorry,” he rasped. “I’m so sorry we took so long. I’m sorry you had to… I’m sorry I wasn’t there to –“

There was no substance to Keith’s voice as he mouthed Lance’s name.

“No, don’t speak.” Lance sniffed, wiping at his own tears absentmindedly with his sleeve. “It’s okay. You’re okay. We’re gonna get you out of here. Can…can you move at all?”

Keith made an attempt to sit up – pain flashing across his face, sudden and severe.

Shiro was leaning forward, then, one hand resting on Lance’s shoulder while the other slipped beneath Keith’s neck. “It’s okay. We’ve got you. We’ll get you out of here.”

“Shiro?”

One of Lance’s hands came up to cover his mouth as Shiro paused. He lowered his head just a bit, giving Keith a look of pure affection, undercut only slightly by the tears glistening in his eyes. “Yeah, buddy. I’m here. We’re all here for you.”

Keith opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out. Shiro slipped an arm around his shoulders, hauling him up to the sitting position. Keith fell against Shiro’s chest, his arms hanging limply at his sides. He tried once more to speak, and Shiro leaned down so Keith’s mouth was right next to his ear.

Lance couldn’t hear the words Keith whispered. He couldn’t see Keith’s face – but he saw Shiro’s.

He watched Shiro’s brow furrow in confusion for a split second before his face came to life with a mix of horror and fury. He pulled away, holding Keith up so he could look him in the eye. He drew in a shaky breath, looking for a moment like he might be sick. Then he was forcefully pulling himself together. “It’s…it’s going to be okay, Keith.” His voice was not quite steady, though, and Lance suddenly didn’t want to know what Keith had whispered. If it had gotten this reaction from Shiro…he didn’t want to know. “We’ll have you checked out at the Garrison. It’s – it’s going to be okay.”

 

 

Keith whispered something else – and then suddenly Shiro’s eyes were on Lance. He gave a quick nod. “Yeah, he’s really here.”

Lance was leaning forward, and this time he heard Keith’s words. “Tell him…I’m sorry.”

Lance opened his mouth to protest – to question – but Keith’s eyes fluttered shut and he slumped forward in Shiro’s hold. The bigger man bent down, lifting Keith in his arms, cradling him tenderly against his chest as he carried him toward the doorway.

Acxa’s face twisted as they approached. Her eyes lingered on Keith’s unconscious form before she tore her gaze away.

“I…um…” She cleared her throat and looked up at Lance. “I received a communication from the…um…from Pidge saying that they have located the best and quickest route to our ships.” She held a gun out to Lance and he stared at it in her hand, not moving to pick it up. “Just in case,” she said softly. “I took it off one of the soldiers.”

Numbly, he reached for the weapon, feeling his fingers wrap around the cold metal of the grip.

Now that they had Keith, everything seemed to be catching up to Lance.

His head was pounding, his body ached, his hands stung, his eyes burned. His legs felt like they might give out on him at any second.

But they weren’t safe yet. It wasn’t over yet, and he needed to keep it together.

“Lance –“

“I’m okay, Acxa.” He shook himself and straightened up. “Let’s meet up with Pidge and Hunk and get out of here. I got this.”

They stepped over the bodies that littered the floor outside the room and made their way back down the hallway.

Pidge’s face went white the moment she caught site of Keith in Shiro’s arms. Hunk shut his eyes and turned away, looking like he might throw up.

“Get it together, guys.” Lance’s voice was rough. “We still have a long way to go before we can relax, so…so tell me how to get out of here.”

 

 

 

If Lance was being honest, he didn’t remember much about leaving the arena building – only flashes here and there…

 

Pidge and Hunk guiding them.

Acxa’s unrelenting grip on his hand.

His finger pulling the trigger of the soldier’s weapon.

Yelling and running.

Keith being handed off to Hunk.

Shiro’s eyes dark with fury…blood splattered across his armor.

Thick, red drops spraying out from Acxa’s blade.

 

Despite Lance’s body moving on autopilot throughout their whole escape, his mind retained every time he fired the gun and a body fell on the other end. He remembered the eyes of every soldier and fighter he took down.

He knew it should have mattered to him. He knew he should have been broken up about taking so many lives, but all he felt was an odd kind of disembodied numbness…and the memory of his fingers pressing against Keith’s neck and not feeling a pulse.

 

When they made it to the forest after losing the Karva-Sel members somewhere in the outskirts of the city, Lance counted them up in his head – his kills.

How many lives was Keith’s life worth to him?

He knew he could never put an actual number to it, but right here, right now…on this mission it had been 21.

Including the two aliens he had killed in the arena, he had taken 21 lives in order to rescue Keith.

He knew he should have felt sick and disgusted at that fact, but every time that thought tried to worm its way into his head, he glanced over at the unconscious form of his friend, held snugly in Hunk’s arms, and he knew he would do it again.

 

_Whatever it takes,_ he had told Shiro at the start of everything.

It had been a promise, and he had kept it.

 

Seeing the large ship Shiro, Pidge, and Hunk had taken to Zaleer was such a relief his legs almost gave out on him, but he forced himself to keep moving up the ramp. He forced himself to not relax until Acxa was at the helm and they were breaking through the atmosphere…

Until all that surrounded them was silence and stars.

 

 

 

It was only after they were well on their way back to Earth that Shiro pulled Lance aside, taking him by the shoulder and guiding him away from the others.

Before Shiro could say anything, Lance blurted out the question he had wanted to ask since they left the city. “Why was he apologizing to me? Why did he say sorry?”

Shiro shook his head, his face grim. “I…don’t know. I’m not sure about that, but I need you to prepare yourself for something else. I think it is best if you hear this from me, now, so it doesn’t come as a shock later.”

“Why? What’s going on?” Lance wasn’t sure he could handle any more.

“This is bad, Lance. This is really bad. I just need you to remember that he was there for you when you needed him most, so I am going to need you to be there for him, now.”

“Do you seriously think I won’t be?”

“Did you hear what he said to me before?”

The question stopped Lance in his tracks as the memory resurfaced. “You mean what he whispered to you after you revived him? No, I didn’t.”

He remembered the expression on Shiro’s face, and he didn’t want to know. Shiro was about to tell him, and he didn’t want to know.

Shiro closed his eyes for one moment before nodding in resignation. “He said ‘None of them used protection.’” His gaze was fixed on Lance as he said the words, willing him to understand without actually uttering the one word that would explain everything.

And at first it didn’t mean anything to Lance.

At first, they were just words his exhausted brain was trying to figure out.

When understanding came, it broke upon him like a wave, bringing with it a flood of emotions.

Denial came first, leading the charge, because it obviously couldn’t mean what he thought it meant.

“No.”

“Lance –“

“Shiro, _no!”_

This was quickly followed by horror and confusion.

“How could they – they – Wait, Shiro…they? ‘None of them?’ _Them_ as in –“

Shiro looked stricken as he confirmed. “Them as in more than one.”

Panic took over after that, guilt bobbing in its wake. “You mean if we had gotten to him sooner… If we had not spent so much time –“

“You can’t think like that.” Shiro leaned in, clamping both hands on Lance’s shoulders, cornering him and blocking him from view of the others. “We did everything we could with the time and information we were given. We did everything we could.”

“I didn’t.” Acceptance was sad and shameful when it reared its head. “I could have fought better. I could have listened to my instincts and tried to get to him before the fight was over. I could have taken his place like that one Galra suggested –“

Shiro cursed under his breath, his grip tightening.

“He’s going to hate me.” Lance gave in to the selfishness that was clawing at his heart, feeling like he might throw up. Tears prickled at his eyes and he blinked rapidly. “He is going to hate me for the rest of his life for letting this happen.”

That seemed to snap Shiro out of his own downward spiral, a frown creasing his brow. “Lance…I promise he won’t hate you. I promise the thought of blaming _you_ for this won’t even cross his mind, so I need you to pull yourself together and stop thinking that way – because do you know what is going to happen?”

Lance’s throat was too tight to speak, so he just shook his head.

“He’s going to blame himself.”

The minute the words were spoken, Lance knew they were true.

“He’s going to go over all the things he could have done – all the things he thinks he _should_ have done to prevent this. He is going to feel weak and powerless, and we cannot let that feeling consume him. Please Lance…he’s my little brother.” It happened so quickly, Lance felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. Shiro’s voice cracked. He drew in a sharp breath as a tear slid down his cheek. He repeated the last sentence – quiet and devastated. “ _He’s my baby brother.”_

Watching Shiro break down was the push Lance needed.

Because no one could be strong all the time, not even your heroes.

Because he knew how much Keith meant to Shiro.

Lance inhaled deeply, straightening his spine and squaring his shoulders.

He picked one emotion from the medley still swirling in his chest and let it take root. He let it spread – burning through his veins like wildfire; a deep, seething rage – fueled by one thought:

 

_How._

_Fucking._

_Dare._

_They._

Keith had not been theirs to hurt. He had not been theirs to touch. He had not been theirs to break.

He was not theirs at all.

He was Shiro’s brother. He was Pidge and Hunk’s friend and family. He was Acxa’s confidant. He was Krolia’s son.

 

He was Lance’s –

 

_– falling asleep on the couch with his head resting on Lance’s shoulder before the movie was even halfway over._

_– speaking softly as he brushed the sweat-soaked hair off Lance’s forehead after a particularly bad nightmare._

_– throwing his head back and laughing with his entire body at some stupid joke._

_– gingerly wading into the ocean up to his ankles; his bottom lip jutting forward in a pout as Lance teased him – telling him he would get used to the cold water faster if he just took the plunge and jumped in._

_– pressing a tender kiss to Lance’s temple when he thought Lance had been asleep._

_– whispering words of assurance: ‘You’re going to be okay. You will never be alone. You are so much stronger than you know.’_

_– lying on the floor, blood smeared across his skin, gasping for breath as his heart was shocked back to life._

 

He was everything.

And they had almost taken him away.

 

 

 

Lance planted himself on the floor beside the bench where they had laid Keith to rest for the remainder of the trip. His grip on Keith’s hand never faltered as his friend drifted in and out of consciousness.

He only released his grip after they landed back at the Garrison and one of the doctors physically pried his fingers open as several others wheeled Keith away on a gurney. Shiro ran alongside the gurney, yelling something back to the doctor supporting Lance.

There was a commotion from behind him, and Lance turned in time to see Hunk catch Acxa as she stumbled from the ship, her legs giving out beneath her the moment they hit the pavement. He hoisted her into his arms, carrying her toward the hospital entrance.

“I honestly don’t know if they’ve gotten any sleep in the past – I don’t know – three, four days?” Hunk said as he moved past the doctor holding Lance upright. “He needs to get checked out as well. Give him a sedative if you have to, just make sure he gets some rest.”

Lance vaguely heard the doctor saying something to him. He turned around – and then the world was falling away. He heard a sound like water rushing up toward him – like a wave crashing on a beach – and then everything swirled away into blackness.

 

 

 

 

Lance’s entire body felt heavy and consciousness sluggishly returned to his mind. He cracked his eyes open, feeling like even that was an effort.

For a moment he lay in confusion, blinking slowly.

He didn’t remember hearing his alarm go off, and it was already light out so he must have overslept and missed –

 

It was then that reality came rushing back to him.

His body slammed into panic mode, and he bolted upright, ripping the blanket off and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. The rush of blood to his head hit him so hard he staggered and nearly dropped to the floor – saved only by a pair of strong arms wrapping under his armpits and hoisting him upright.

“Easy…take it easy, buddy.” It was Hunk’s voice that sounded from somewhere behind him – quiet and full of concern. “We can’t have you passing out again.”

“How long –?“ Lance’s voice was hoarse from disuse.

“About 12 hours,” came the reply. “The doctor didn’t even need to give you a sedative. I guess your body was just –“

“Keith –?” Lance couldn’t keep the little, panicked quiver from his voice because anything could have happened in twelve hours! Keith could have been treated and released from the hospital. He could have left…running off somewhere to never see Lance again. He could have –

“He’s still out.”

Lance was finally finding his feet, and Hunk gingerly released him, keeping his hands raised just in case he needed to catch his friend again in a hurry.

“They ran a lot of tests on him and patched him up. Shiro was the only one who was able to even see him until about half an hour ago.” Hunk made a sympathetic face as Lance met his eyes. “The doctors put him in a mini coma to help his body recover faster. They say he’s probably going to be out for the next two days at least. I came here as soon as I heard because I knew you’d want to know when you woke up.”

Lance looked at his friend.

Hunk was a good guy. He had always been a good guy. No matter how much anyone tried to dislike him, he always won them over in the end because he was just genuinely nice and sweet.

“Do you hate me, now?”

Hunk’s shoulders slumped at the quiet question. “Why would I do that, Lance?”

“Because I took 21 lives. You watched me do it. I didn’t hesitate once…and I don’t regret it. I would do it again.” Lance forced himself to hold Hunk’s gaze even thought he desperately wanted to look away. He didn’t want to see Hunk’s kind eyes fill with disappointment and dismay. It was true he did not have any regrets from taking the lives of the Karva-Sel members – but he knew he had let Hunk down, and he did regret that.

“I know you would.” There was only a soft, sorrowful understanding in Hunk’s eyes as he reached out and put a hand on Lance’s shoulder. “You saved Keith, man. I’m never going to hate you for that.”

“No I didn’t.” Lance knew the tears were going to come. He could feel them clogging his throat and stinging the corners of his eyes. “I had to watch him stand up there on that platform above the arena twice. I had to listen to him agree to do anything that Galra said so he could save _my_ life.” When the tears did come, they fell like heavy rain, dripping off of Lance’s chin in tiny rivulets. “He…he didn’t have a pulse, Hunk. When we found him in that room that fucking bastard was choking him –“

Hunk’s large hands were placed gently on either side of Lance’s face.

“You should hate me,” Lance whispered, his voice choked with despair. “Keith is going to hate me, and you should to. I’m a killer, now, and I was too slow to stop them from –”

“Hey – _hey_ , listen to me.” Hunk tilted Lance’s head up slightly so they were eye to eye. “You were the one who decided to go after him. You were the one who made sure we didn’t waste any time. Acxa told us what happened when it was just the two of you on Zaleer. You risked your life in a Galra gladiator pit, Lance! And you say he didn’t have a pulse when you found him?” Hunk’s expression intensified as Lance’s face crumpled at the memory. “Well, he does now. He’s alive because you didn’t give up on him. He’s alive because you got to him in time. You saved him, and I promise you, he will never hate you. You gotta trust me on this one, man.”

Hunk yanked Lance forward into a fierce hug and Lance stifled a sob into his friend’s shoulder.

“Did I mention,” Hunk murmured. “That somewhere along the line you broke two bones in your right hand? So everything you did, you did it while injured. You’re a badass.”

Lance raised his hand so he could look at it. He hadn’t noticed the bandage wrapping around his fingers all the way up to his wrist. “I never felt anything,” he said in bewilderment.

“I’m telling you, man. Badass.” Hunk chuckled softly before pulling away and holding Lance at arm’s length. “I’m gonna take you to Keith’s room, now, okay? I know he’ll still be out for a couple days, but I think it’ll help if you actually see him.”

Lance’s legs were shaky as he shuffled beside his friend down the halls of the Garrison hospital. Nurses and doctors and people passing by watched them unashamedly, and, when Lance actually had the nerve to glance back at them, he found they were not looking at him in disgust or fear, as he had expected.

 

They were not looking at him like the failed paladin he believed himself to be.

They were looking at him with something akin to admiration and respect.

They were looking at him as someone who had done something they would have never dreamed of attempting themselves.

 

They looked at him the way he had secretly looked at Keith during their time as cadets.

 

 

Hunk placed a hand on his back as they stopped in front of one of the doors.

“You are not a killer, Lance.” There was nothing but sincerity in his voice. “No one sees you as a killer, okay? You’re a hero, and that is how Keith will see you, too.”

Lance took a deep breath in, giving Hunk a little nod before he pushed the door open.

He didn’t want to be Keith’s hero. He didn’t want to be a hero at all.

He didn’t know what he wanted – just that it wasn’t that.

 

Shiro was sitting in a chair beside the hospital bed, Kosmo’s large head resting on his knee, as Lance stepped into the room. Both raised their heads as he entered – and then Shiro was on his feet, shifting the large wolf gently out of his way as he stepped around the footboard and moved toward Lance.

Before Lance could even register what was happening, Shiro’s arms were wrapping around him – lifting him off his feet by the strength of the embrace. When he was set back down, Shiro kept his arms tight around Lance’s shoulders.

“Thank you doesn’t seem to cover it,” Shiro said softly. “I don’t know what to say, Lance, but I’m…” He drew in a breath and pulled away, looking Lance dead in the eye. “If it weren’t for you, Keith would have died…alone and afraid and in pain. You have come so far in the time I have known you, and I am so proud of you.” He smiled at Lance, his eyes glistening. “I am so proud and so grateful.”

Lance could only stare at him, his body trembling. No matter how long he had known Shiro or how much they had been through together, he would always be Lance’s childhood hero – and hearing him say those things was too much for him handle at the moment.

Shiro gave him a firm pat on the shoulder before turning and walking back around the bed.

Lance hung back.

From where he stood he was not able to see Keith due to the curtain shielding him from the door. For a moment, he wanted nothing more than to turn and bolt from the room, but he swallowed his fear and slowly stepped around the curtain.

He didn’t lift his gaze until he stood at the edge of the bed. When he did, he wished he hadn’t. Kosmo must have sensed his distress because the wolf was quickly at his side, pressing his flank against Lance’s hip. His wet nose nuzzled Lance’s elbow as he looked up, whining softly.

Keith lay perfectly still in the clean, white hospital bed, his dark hair splayed out on the pillow, machines beeping steadily beside the headboard. Bandages littered his skin, peeking out from beneath the hospital gown…but the bruises on his face were still visible. A neck-brace wrapped around his throat, an IV was attached to his arm, and an intubation tube ran from the corner of his mouth.

Keith’s hand rested at his side above the blanket, and tentatively – fearfully – Lance reached out and touched his fingers.

“How…” He didn’t bother trying to keep the strain from his voice. “How is he?”

“Physically?” Shiro answered. “Better than we hoped. We’re still waiting on the results of several tests, but the doctors are very optimistic.” There was a pause and then Shiro’s voice came again, softer this time. “He’s strong, Lance. He’s a survivor.”

The tears rose in Lance’s throat again. “They hated him so much.” He could hear the crowd again – the shouts and jeers and snarls. He remembered the fanatic glee in the eyes of the other fighters at the prospect of being left alone with Keith. “All of their hatred for Voltron, for the war, the rebels – all of it…they focused it on him. He didn’t deserve that. Nobody deserves that, but Keith…” He choked on the name, the tears spilling from his eyes, dropping soundlessly onto the mattress. “If I could have spared him from this, I would have. I would have taken it all on myself, Shiro. I tried –“ The tears were getting worse, blurring his vision, clogging his throat, constricting his chest. He shook his head. His whole body was shaking as the memories piled on, pushing down on him until he wanted to collapse to the floor and sob.

He wanted Keith to wake up.

He wanted to apologize.

He wanted the chance to tell him…

“I was so mad and so helpless, and he was so strong – and they…they were killing him. They tortured him and…and… he didn’t have a pulse, and you… Oh God, Shiro –“ Everything Lance had been holding back during their time of Zaleer was bubbling up to the surface. Everything he had suppressed and pushed aside for the sake of the mission was coming out in the form of blind panic. Somewhere in his mind, he knew it was over. He knew he had no reason to panic anymore; Keith was safe and they had escaped.

But it had happened.

It had still happened.

The one fear Lance always carried with him every time Keith went off on a mission had almost come true. It had been so close.

Kosmo licked his hand gently, whining again, and Lance looked down at the wolf. His hand was shaking as he combed his fingers through the animal’s soft, blue fur, trying to convey all of his guilt and remorse and sympathy in that touch.

“If we had gotten there a minute later, he would have… What if we had been too late? What if he had actually died?”

Shiro’s hands were on his shoulders, then. “Lance? I need you to calm down. He’s fine, you know that, right? You can see that. He’s alive, and he’s not in danger anymore.”

“I – I know, I know –“ Lance buried his face in his hands for a moment, trying to even out his breathing. After a moment he straightened up, wiping the tears from his cheeks. “I know… And I know it’s selfish – it’s so completely selfish of me to say this but it’s just that I… I need him, and I don’t think he knows it.” He tore his eyes away from Keith’s still form to look pleading up at Shiro. “I just need him around. I need to know he’s okay. I need him in my life. And I keep thinking about it, and if…if he had died on Zaleer he never would have known how much I need him – because nobody knew. Because I never said anything. Because he was always there for me, and I was never…” Lance shook his head. “Everyone believes he cares about me more than I care about him, and I don’t know how, but when…when he wakes up, I am going to find a way to prove to him and to everyone that is not true.”

“Lance –“

“I know you believe it too,” Lance interrupted. “But I’m telling you it’s not true.”

Shiro looked at him for a long moment, as if battling with himself on whether or not to say something. Finally he sighed. “Lance, it’s different. With Keith…the way he feels, it’s just different.”

“You can’t know that for sure.”

“Maybe not, but I have had the chance to casually observe the two of you for years, and I am fairly certain I am right. I’m not saying you care about him less, but…it’s just different.”

“You still can’t –“

“Do you have a word for how much you care about him?”

Lance blinked at Shiro in confusion. He could feel his heartbeat speed up; heat creeping across his cheeks. “Wh-what?”

“If you don’t know what I mean, then I am correct. It’s different.” He gave Lance a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. “Why don’t you stay with him for a while. I’m sure Hunk informed you it would be at least two more days before he is set to wake up, but I believe he can still hear us if we talk to him while he’s out.”

Lance stared after Shiro as he turned and exited the room. He was still too confused and tired and anxious to try to figure out what Shiro had been talking about.

Sighing, he pulled the chair closer to the bed and plopped down in it.

Kosmo was immediately there, planting himself in between Lance’s bent knees and leaning forward to lick the drying tears that still clung to his cheeks.

“You’re not mad at me,” Lance murmured, taking Kosmo’s large head in both hands as he looked into the wolf’s weirdly intelligent eyes. “And you don’t seem worried. I should take that as a good sign, right?”

Kosmo gave a little huff and Lance actually found his lips curving upwards in the hint of a smile.

“I’m glad we were able to get him back for you,” he whispered, absentmindedly stroking the wolf’s cheeks.

Kosmo pushed his snout firmly against Lance’s chest, keeping it there for several seconds before pulling his head back and looking up expectantly into Lance’s eyes.

 

_For you, too._

 

The animal’s message seemed so clear, Lance wondered again if there was some form of low-level telepathic communication emanating from this creature.

Seemingly satisfied, Kosmo huffed again and curled up at the base of the chair, leaving Lance alone to focus his attention on his friend lying motionless in the bed before him.

For a couple minutes he simply stared – listening to the machines beep, watching the steady rise and fall of Keith’s chest.

His hand reached forward unconsciously, his fingers curling around Keith’s, comforted by their warmth. He pressed the pad of his thumb against the inside of Keith’s wrist, feeling the rhythmic pulse beneath his finger.

“Hey, man,” he said, glancing up toward the head of the bed, his eyes trailing over Keith’s face. “I don’t know if I believe you can hear me, but if you can –“ Lance paused, willing the tears back. He had cried enough for one day. “I’m sorry.” It came out as a whisper. “I am so sorry, Keith. I will make it up to you, if you’ll let me.” His fingers tightened just a little, wanting more than anything in the world to feel Keith’s fingers squeeze back. “Whatever it takes.”

 

_Do you have a word for how much you care about him?_

 

He heard Shiro’s question in his mind, but he still didn’t understand.

It was so much more complicated than what others realized, and he wasn’t even sure there was a word to encompass everything he felt.

 

“I’m here for you,” he whispered, his thumb brushing gently back and forth against the skin of Keith’s wrist. “Even if you hate me…I’ll always be here.”

 

 

 

 

 

Lance was medically cleared and discharged from the hospital, but he still spent the remainder of that first day in Keith’s room.

When a nurse popped in to check on Keith and inform Lance that visiting hours were over for the day, he called Hunk to see if his friend could give him a ride home.

Acxa, it turns out, had woken up and been discharged hours before Lance, and was already at the house when they arrived. She and Veronica were the first to run out and meet him as he got out of the car.

The rest of his family was not far behind, and soon he was surrounded by familiar faces, full of worry and relief.

There were hugs and tears and fussing over his injuries.

Lance took it all in stride until they started asking him about the mission and about Keith. He was grateful when his Mother noticed the change in his demeanor at those questions and immediately changed the subject after telling everyone that Lance had had a long day and they could talk about this in the morning.

He had spent the rest of the evening being much quieter than normal, sticking close to his Mother’s side like a tall, lanky shadow.

 

 

The following day the entire family packed into their van and drove to the Garrison. Lance walked steadily through the hospital halls in between Acxa and Veronica – his sister’s arm wrapped tightly around his shoulders and his hand clasped in Acxa’s hold.

Despite the horrible, unspeakable nature of their mission, Lance was grateful for the one small fact that the relationship he and Acxa shared had shifted. An unspoken agreement had been reached – a bond had been formed – and Lance knew that if she ever needed him, he would drop everything to help her, just as he knew without a doubt she would do the same for him.

She was part of his family now, the same way Hunk and Pidge and Shiro were.

The same way Keith was.

 

Lance hated watching his parents’ reaction upon entering the room and seeing Keith in the bed. He hated how still his father went – silent and staring, his mouth curved down in a scowl. He hated how gentle his mother became, stepping up to the side of the bed and smoothing some of the hair out of Keith’s face, planting a tender kiss on his forehead.

He hated watching them explain to his niece and nephew in simple terms that Keith had been very badly hurt; that he would wake up, but it would take some time. He hated how his niece leaned up on her tiptoes and whispered something in Keith’s ear before planting a small, childish peck on his cheek.

He hated it all because he knew that was how they would react if he had been the one lying in that bed – and he hated how that knowledge made his stomach twist painfully because he still didn’t understand.

 

_Do you have a word for how much you care about him?_

 

There was no word to describe how he felt as he watched his family fuss tenderly over Keith as he slept.

 

 

 

When Lance’s family returned home, Lance stayed, planting himself in the chair at the side of the bed.

 

 

 

The others came and went as much as they could, outside of their normal responsibilities. Shiro was there often, checking up on Keith’s status. Pidge popped in every once in a while, fiddling with the machines, making sure everything was performing its function properly. Hunk would stop by and keep Lance company when he could, drawing Lance into reminiscent conversations about their time with Voltron and all the stupid things they’d done when they were younger.

The only constant in the room was Kosmo.

Shiro had informed Lance the wolf had teleported into the room the moment Keith was placed in the bed, scaring all the hospital staff present. They had tried to get him out of the room, but had eventually given up after he just kept teleporting back in every time someone dragged him out the door.

 

 

On the third day, Lance entered the room to find a nurse removing Keith’s intubation tube. She offered him a cheery smile, informing him he should expect Keith to regain consciousness by the end of the day.

After she left, Lance was scrolling through his phone in the chair by bed, Kosmo curled at his feet, when the door to the room burst open.

For a split second, panic seized his heart at the wild-eyed Galra who stormed in – until he recognized Krolia, with Kolivan following close behind.

She spared Lance one look before hurrying over to the bed, leaning over her son’s sleeping form. The gentleness of her touch as she stroked the side of his face was contrary to the fury burning in her eyes.

Kolivan kept his distance, standing at the foot of the bed, but Lance could see even he could not keep the anger completely from showing on his stoic features.

Lance put his phone aside, averting his eyes as Krolia bent over Keith, murmuring to him and stroking his hair. He was toying with the idea of slipping out of the room silently and leaving them to have a private moment when Krolia straightened abruptly and fixed her eyes on Lance.

She didn’t need to ask the question for him to understand what she wanted to know.

There were so many things he wanted to say, his eyes flickering between the two Blade leaders for a moment.

_I tried to contact you._

_We could have used your help._

_You should inform the members of the Blade that they should be able to contact you in special cases, even if you have informed them to maintain radio silence._

But he knew those only sounded like poor excuses and would serve no real purpose.

“Keith’s unit was attacked on their mission to Morath. He was captured by the Karva-Sel and taken to the fighting pits of Zaleer.”

Kolivan made a startled noise at the name, pulling back, his fingers clenching as he gripped the footboard. “Krolia –“ His voice held a warning.

Krolia had gone deadly still – her entire demeanor shifting from worried mother to something that sent an actual shiver up Lance’s spine. He was grateful he did not need to spell it out for them. It was clear they were both fully aware of what sort of things happened to anyone taken against their will by the Karva-Sel.

“He is my son, Kolivan.” Every word – every movement of Krolia’s body screamed danger. She radiated rage and hatred and heartbreak – the very air around her almost buzzing with the strength of her emotions. “I am going to kill them all.”

They way she spoke the words had not been a threat or a promise…it had been a fact.

Lance was glad of that. He rose from the chair, drawing her attention. “We took out anyone who tried to stop our escape, but I will help you with the rest. We will all help you if you ask us.”

The tall Galra woman looked at him – really looked at him for the first time since she had entered the room.

“I know what you did.”

Lance’s heart sank at her words, guessing what would follow.

 

_You weren’t there for him when he needed you._

_You didn’t fight hard enough on Zaleer._

_You don’t deserve to –_

 

“I know the Blade would have left him for dead.” Lance looked up as Krolia continued, frowning. He had not been expecting that. “I know that his own unit was giving up on him. I know that you did not. I know that you would have gone after him alone if necessary.” Her eyes softened as she held his gaze. “I know you risked your life to bring my son back.”

Lance shook his head. “It wasn’t enough. I didn’t get to him soon enough to –“

Krolia held up a hand, cutting him off. “Did you know that Keith spoke extensively about his team during our time in the quantum abyss?”

“He’s…never really talked about that time to me.” Lance had always wondered, but had not wanted to press Keith for the information.

“Nor should he. We saw things…I saw things that –“ she broke off, her eyes boring into Lance’s. “But you should know that during our time there…during all of our talks… he spoke of you the most. I know all about you, Lance McClain.”

Lance’s breath caught in his throat as he waited for her to list off all of his insecurities – everything he had done wrong; all the mistakes he had made.

“I trust you with my son.”

Her words drove the breath from Lance’s lungs. He stared at her – eyes wide and mouth open – because he had no response to that.

Because the way she had said it, it sounded like approval; it sounded like permission.

It sounded like a blessing.

Lance was still staring as she turned, heading toward the door. “You should stay with him,” she tossed over her shoulder. “You should be here when he awakens. And we do not require assistance.”

She rounded the corner, giving a sharp whistle, and Kosmo was up like a flash, zapping out of the room to follow her.

Lance felt Kolivan’s eyes on him and looked up at the imposing Galra towering over him. He tried not to cower under the weight of Kolivan’s hard stare.

“Many would be dead if not for that boy. The Karva-Sel has everything coming to it that Krolia and I will deliver.” He gave Lance a curt nod. “We will return once the job is finished.”

 

 

 

Lance was dozing in the chair later that evening when the sound of his own name roused him. He was up like a shot, bolting out of the chair.

The tiny smile Keith offered him was worth all of his awkward flailing.

He pulled himself together and stepped over to the bed. “Hey, man.” He couldn’t have kept the grin from his face even if he wanted to try. “How are you feeling?”

That question, however, wiped the smile from Keith’s face. He turned away, pushing himself up until his back rested against the headboard. “I’m fine.”

Lance shifted his weight onto the bed at Keith’s feet in a half-seated position, one foot still resting on the floor. “Well, then that was the fastest recovery in the history of the universe.”

He saw Keith’s jaw clench, but got no response.

Keith’s hand rested in a fist at his side, and Lance leaned forward, brushing his fingers against his friend’s knuckles. “Keith –“

“You shouldn’t –“ Keith slipped his hand out from beneath Lance’s. He wrapped his arms around his torso, pulling his knees up, curling in on himself as if he was trying to make himself as small as possible. “I’m fine. You don’t have to be here, Lance.”

“Yes, I do.” The words might have turned someone else away. But Lance knew Keith, and he knew this feeling all too well. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Keith shook his head. “It’s fine. I told you I’m fine. I don’t need you.”

“Yes you do.” Lance scooted forward. “Do you remember how many times I told you that after Allura died? You knew I was lying back then, just like I know you’re lying now. You can try to push me away all you want, but _I_ told _you_ I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving you alone.”

“I _want_ to be alone.”

“Well tough, because I want to stay with you.” Lance held up a finger before dropping his hand to the mattress. All of his guilt and worry and fear came bubbling up to the surface because Keith would not meet his eyes. “Keith, I’m sorry it took us so long to get to you. I’m sorry for my part in all this. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you –”

“Stop it!” Keith spat the words at him. “Why are you apologizing? You – you risked your life to rescue me like a fucking damsel in distress, which is apparently what I am. My entire life…everything I’ve done…” He shook his head, a kind of bleak acceptance twisting his features. “I thought I was better than this. I guess I was wrong.”

“You’re not wrong.” Lance moved further onto the bed, reaching up to gently take Keith’s face in his hands as he tried to get his friend to look at him. “You are stronger than all of us, even if you don’t feel that way at the moment.” He paused before adding, “Axca told me what they planned for you in that arena, and do you know what my reaction was? I went and threw up in a trashcan. I couldn’t even be strong _for_ you in that situation, but you…you were standing on that platform staring them all down in defiance.”

Keith pulled his face out of Lance’s hold. “I’m sorry you had to do that. I never meant –“

“Are you fucking serious?” Lance kept his voice gentle, edging on incredulity.

“Yeah I am. You should go.”

“Keith, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Just leave me alone!”

“No! Stop fighting whatever it is you’re fighting right now!” Lance twisted his hands together as much as the bandages would allow. He wanted to grab Keith and shake him. He wanted to pull him into a hug. He wanted – “You don’t have to act strong right now. You don’t have to pretend you’re not hurting! Its just m –“

“I’m not pretending, Lance. Just go away!”

“I’m not going away.” Lance raised his voice to match Keith’s tone. “I’m gonna stay here and keep pushing you until you either cry or actually fucking talk to me – because we both know that’s what you need right now, even if you don’t like it!”

Keith’s head was fully bowed, his nails biting into his skin as he squeezed his arms around his body. “Please – I told you I’m fine –“

“But you’re not!” Lance hated that he had to do this, but he knew if he didn’t get Keith to open up right now he would keep everything inside, letting all of his trauma fester – eating away at him until there was nothing left of the person Lance had known before. “For once in your life, I know you’re not fine. I saw you, remember? I know what they did to you!”

“ _No you don’t!”_

And there it was.

That was the tone Keith used when he couldn’t fight against his emotions anymore; when he had nothing else to hold onto and could only speak the truth.

“You don’t know what they did. You weren’t there!” The anger in Keith’s voice died as quickly as it had arisen, and Lance stared at him wide-eyed – his heart hammering in his chest, because this was different.

In the several times he’d had to push Keith for a reaction – for the truth – it had always ended in yelling. They had shouted at each other until, eventually, they both realized there was nothing left to shout about and they began to calm down. Then they would remain quiet until Lance, usually, said something stupid and Keith would fight the urge to laugh until they finally gave in to the mirth, together.

But Keith raised his head, now, his eyes meeting Lance’s…and everything was quiet.

“They broke me, Lance.” The words were so soft, so devastated, Lance wanted to wrap Keith up in his arms and never let go.

“No, man, that’s not –“

“I tried to fight back. I’m good at fighting. I’ve been fighting my whole life, but this was…different.” Lance knew he was finally getting the truth – and he hated it. He could hear the tears choking Keith’s voice, and he _hated_ it. He knew he had to sit there and listen to whatever Keith wanted to tell him…but he still hated every single word. “I had no weapons, and there were so many of them. They tied me up. They held me down –“

Lance wanted to scream. He wanted to throw something. He wanted to run after Krolia and help her murder everyone in charge of the fighting pits. “I know, Keith,” he whispered instead.

Keith held his gaze for a moment, his eyes searching Lance’s face. Then he dropped his head, a bitter, watery laugh tearing from his throat. “Oh. Right. Of course you do. Did Shiro tell you?” He waved the question off before Lance could even open his mouth to respond. “It doesn’t matter. Everyone will know soon enough. Everyone will know what I let happen, and they will never trust me to lead a Blade mission again. And I don’t care – I don’t care what they think of me. I don’t care if they talk about me behind my back. I’ll just…have to prove myself all over again. I’ll just have to show everyone that this hasn’t affected me, and I can still do my job. I’ll just –“

“Keith –“

“Kolivan will know. My mom will know. They’ll take away my position and rank with the Blade because they’ll think I’m too weak, now, but I can – I can just work my way up from the bottom like I did before. It’s fine. On – on that planet they –“ his voice caught in his throat for a second before he rushed on. “They tried to see who could make me show the most pain – so I refused to give them that. They did everything they could to make me scream or cry or… but I made myself barely make a goddamn sound, and if I can do that then I can do this. I can face all the people out there as if nothing happened…everyone at the Garrison. Every member of the Blade –“

“I’m not _people_ , Keith.” Lance watched as his words registered on Keith’s face. He watched his jaw clench and his nostrils flare. He saw the tiniest tremble of his lower lip – and he understood that must have been the expression Keith had worn. The entire time, fighting off the pain – sinking deep into his own mind to a place of numbness and escape, just willing everything to be over –

Lance got to his feet and moved forward, waving his hands as he motioned Keith to scoot over on the bed. As Keith hesitantly complied, Lance kicked off his shoes and crawled in beside his friend. He leaned back against the headboard, pulling the blanket over his legs and then slipped an arm behind Keith’s shoulders.

“What are you doing?” Keith whispered as Lance pulled him close, guiding his head down until it rested against Lance’s shoulder and his body slotted into place, nestled against his side. “Hey, Lance –“

“You can trust me,” Lance whispered harshly into Keith’s hair as he pulled the blanket up around the two of them. “It’s just you and me. You don’t have to hide anything when it’s just you and me. You’ve just been through something horrible, and you need time to heal. Everyone will know you need time to heal, and everyone will know this won’t be something you can just get over and move on from. But you can’t ever actually move on if you ignore it and pretend it never happened. You should know that more than anyone, because you were the one who taught me that two years ago.” He wrapped his other arm around his friend, trying to be gentle as he remembered the bruises on Keith’s ribcage. “I wish there was some magic word or phrase I could say to fix everything, but there isn’t. All I can do is be here when you need me, and especially when you say you don’t need me. That’s what you did for me, and that’s what I will always do for you.”

After a moment he felt Keith relax into his side. “If you do find a magic word or phrase, let me know,” he mumbled.

Lance let out a soft chuckle, absentmindedly combing his fingers through Keith’s hair. “Um…potato chip? Mountain range? It takes two to tango?”

A soft huff hit Lance’s ears. It wasn’t quite a laugh, but it was more than he could have hoped for. He tilted his head so his cheek rested against Keith’s hair, tightening his arms just a bit. “Hey Mullet?” he asked quietly. “When I saw “vol” you say –“

“Voltron.” It was a whisper that turned into a soft chuckle…that turned into a sob.

 

 

Keith buried his face in Lance’s shirt and cried.

And Lance held him.

Long after he stopped crying.

Long after he fell back asleep.

Long after the nurse tried to kick him out because visiting hours were over.

Long after the sun had set and the moon shone in through the hospital window.

Lance held him…

 

 

…and finally understood.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you enjoy the ride on that emotional rollercoaster?  
> Feel free to comment! I love getting comments/feedback!
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	6. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance has the best family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I posted, but this should be a nice little breather after the previous chapter. More intense stuff to come down the line, but sometimes you need a break from all that! ;P

 

 

 

TRUST

 

 

 

 

Lance awoke slowly, blinking several times before his eyelids actually agreed to remain open.

He groaned as he stretched his limbs, wondering why he had fallen asleep at such a weird angle when he was usually splayed out flat on his back, taking up as much of the bed as was humanly possible.

His bleary gaze swept the room and he frowned, wondering why the sunlight was streaming in from a different direction than it should have, and –

“Don’t freak out, okay?”

Lance started, letting out a confused, sleepy grunt before turning his head and peering up toward the sound of the unexpected voice.

The sight of Keith sitting with his knees up and his back pressed against the headboard of the hospital bed brought everything flooding back.

“Why…” Lance croaked. “Why would I freak out?”

Keith’s bottom lip was jutted forward in a pout, and he was staring hard at the far wall of the room. “I…sometimes would come to sleep in the same bed as you after one of my nightmares,” he mumbled. “But it was always in the middle of the night and you were always half asleep. I didn’t want you to freak out because you couldn’t remember why I was in your bed, so I would always wake up before you and sneak back to my room. But…you’re kindof in _my_ bed right now, so…”

“Well, I’m not going to wake up before you and sneak away, so you’re just gonna have to deal with it if this happens again.” Groaning, Lance rolled over and pushed himself up to a sitting position – only to let his upper body flop forward, his head falling onto the mattress between his outstretched legs.

He heard Keith chuckle softly. “Lance, you have a farm. You’re definitely used to waking up way earlier than this. Stop being so dramatic.”

“Being dramatic is who I am, thank you very much.” Lance raised a finger in protest, but didn’t move from his crumpled over position. “And I had a late night, okay?” With a final groan, he pushed himself upright, and slumped back against the headboard beside Keith.

When he glanced over, Keith was looking down at his hands curled in his lap.

“Hey, are you –“

“I just wanted to thank you,” Keith interrupted. “For last night. I tried to push you away, but I really…” He drew in a deep breath, smiling softly as he raised his head and turned to look at Lance. “I needed you to stay. I needed you there, so…thank you, Lance.”

 

 

_Do you have a word for how much you care about him?_

 

 

Even thought Lance understood, now, there was still no word to fully describe how he felt. The only word that came close was one he threw around casually and often.

He said it to his family, his friends, his pets; to every plate of food Hunk had ever presented him.

 

He had said it to Allura.

 

 

It wasn’t as though the word didn’t have any meaning. He absolutely meant it every time the word left his mouth, but it just didn’t seem like enough.

He had meant it when he told Allura how he felt. But if he compared that feeling to how he felt right now about Keith…it just didn’t seem to cover the scope of it.

Keith made him feel safe – but also protective.

Keith made him feel at home – but also like he wanted to go out in the world and do amazing things.

Keith made him feel happy – but had the ability more than anyone else in his life to shatter his heart.

Allura had broken him. She had sacrificed herself, and she had left Lance to pick up the pieces and try to piece himself back together again.

Allura had broken him – Keith had helped put him back together again.

Because with Keith, he felt _everything_.

 

The word _love_ wasn’t nearly enough.

 

 

He returned Keith’s smile, now. “There is no need to thank me. This is what we do for each other, man. I will always be here for you. Remember our code?”

Keith looked at him for a long moment, his expression unreadable. “You’re a good person, Lance.”

His voice was so soft and so sincere that it sent an unexpected wave of emotion through Lance’s chest with such raw power, he drew in a sharp breath, pulling his knees up and wrapping his arms around them, resting his chin on his arms. “I killed 21 aliens to get to you. Did you know that?” He couldn’t see Keith’s expression from where he sat, now – and he wasn’t sure he wanted to. “Hunk kept warning me to be careful. He claima he isn’t, but I know deep down he’s disappointed with me. He’s too…kind to resort to killing, but I…I don’t care. They were hurting you.” He cursed silently as tears brimmed in his eyes. “They were _hurting_ you and I would have killed all of them if that’s what it took. I would have done anything to –” He bowed his head completely, hiding his face in his arms – his voice stretched thin as he tried to hang on to his last ounce of control. “God, Keith…I don’t know what I would have done if…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it. “I’m just so glad you’re okay. That doesn’t cover it; it doesn’t even come close…I’m just so glad.”

Lance sniffed loudly, worried what Keith would say; worried he had let too much show…wondering if he should say more.

“There’s no way you’re getting me to cry twice in less than 24 hours.”

Surprised, Lance raised his head.

Keith’s eyebrows pulled up towards the center of his forehead when he saw Lance’s expression, his mouth curving down into a scowl. “Stop it. Stop making that face. Stop crying or I’m gonna start crying and then we’ll both just be idiots crying in a hospital bed.”

“Hey, I didn’t cry once last night!” Lance jabbed a finger in his face. “I held it together so you could let go. Plus how many times have I cried in front of you? You owe me and you know it!”

Keith batted his hand away. “I already said thank you – what more do you want?”

Lance leaned forward, taking Keith’s face in his hand. “How about just one tear?” He was grinning despite himself as he dragged a finger down Keith’s cheek. “One solitary, dramatic tear like in the movies!”

Keith’s palm covered Lance’s face, as he pushed him back. “The only thing I could cry about right now is the fact that you’re getting all up in my space and you’ve got some serious morning breath.”

Lance pulled away, pressing a hand to his chest and gasping dramatically. “How dare you! I have beautiful, fresh breath in the morning – you just don’t know because apparently you never stick around after we’ve slept together, Keith!”

The moment the words left his mouth, he regretted it. He watched as a blank look settled over Keith’s features – his gaze turning distant and hard as he withdrew within himself.

Lance reached out, gently putting his hand over Keith’s. “Hey – no. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like –“

Keith was already shaking his head the moment Lance had started speaking. “No, no. It’s not…” he swallowed thickly, shaking his head as if to clear away whatever was troubling him. “It’s not that.” His eyes found Lance’s, and there was so much emotion in them – so much pain and grief and guilt. “I’m sorry.”

 

_Tell him I’m sorry…_

 

With everything that had happened since, Lance had forgotten about Keith’s confusing words back on Zaleer. A frown creased his brow and he leaned forward slightly, tilting his head. “What are you apologizing for?”

Keith’s lips pressed into a thin, tight line. A shake of his head was the only response – as if whatever he was apologizing for was too horrible to even speak out loud.

“Please tell me what –“

“Just let me apologize. I can’t give you more than that.”

Lance wanted to press him further, but his voice was too quiet; too sorrowful. His eyes were too wide and pleading. His words were too confusing.

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

“Lance. Please just let me.”

Lance’s fingers tightened around Keith’s. “Okay,” he whispered. The tone of their conversation had shifted. The lightheartedness from earlier had vanished, replaced by something dark and heavy and suffocating. “There’s nothing you could do that would need my forgiveness for, but…if you need me to in this moment, I accept your apology.”

Keith didn’t respond to that, but it seemed as though a weight had been lifted from his chest.

Lance kept his fingers curled tightly around Keith’s, not wanting to let go. After a moment, he dared to ask, “I know you’re not ready yet, but can you promise me that one day you’ll tell me what you are apologizing for?”

Keith’s eyes were sad as he turned to look at Lance. “One day,” he promised. “I’ll tell you on the day I have nothing left to lose.”

Lance didn’t have time to respond to the horrible implication of those words because suddenly the door was bursting open and people were swarming into the room.

“Keith!” Pidge rushed forward, her glasses askew and her lab coat fluttering out behind her. “We just heard you were awake. We came as soon as we could!” She started to reach out – but then drew back at the last minute. “Can I…” It was rare for Pidge to sound so unsure of something. Lance was convinced her mind worked at a thousand times the rate of a normal human, so if she was hesitant about an action, there was a very specific reason. “Is it okay if I hug you?”

And there was the reason.

Lance was suddenly all too aware of the fact that he was sitting in bed with Keith. That he was holding Keith’s hand. That he had hugged Keith the previous night, and it had not even crossed his mind to ask –

Keith gave his hand a squeeze before untangling their fingers. Slowly, he slid from the bed and got to his feet, swaying a little.

Hunk was beside Pidge in an instant. “Keith – buddy – take it slow, okay? You don’t have to if – if you don’t want to…”

Keith seemed to realize the same moment as Lance, because abruptly the blank expression flashed across his face. He shook it off just as quickly, however, and gave a nod.

“No. I would like a hug, actually.”

Pidge moved carefully, advertising each movement as she stretched her arms out and softly wrapped them around Keith’s waist. As he returned the gesture, her embrace tightened and she buried her face in his chest, muffling a sniff in the fabric of his hospital shirt.

Hunk stepped forward, placing a gentle hand on Keith’s shoulder. His eyes were kind, but his voice was serious. “You really gave us a scare, buddy. I’m so glad to see you awake and on your feet again.”

Pidge pulled away, wiping subtly at her eyes, leaving room for Shiro to walk over. He and Keith shared a look, and then Keith was the one stepping forward as Shiro’s big arms engulfed him. Keith’s face was hidden in Shiro’s chest as the larger man bent his head to whisper something in Keith’s ear.

No one caught what he said, and no one wanted to. It was something just for the two of them.

After a moment, Keith stepped back, positioning himself so he was half-sitting on the side of the bed. Lance saw his jaw clench as he looked at each of them in turn.

“So you all…know?”

Pidge and Hunk exchanged a glance.

“We know, Keith,” Shiro confirmed.

Keith nodded once, curtly. “It doesn’t change anything. I can still do my job and everything, I will just…I might need some time to…”

“Are you actually being serious right now?”

“Pidge!” Hunk nudged her, a warning in his voice – but she shook it off.

“No. Seriously, Keith?” She narrowed her eyes and glared up at him. “Because it sounds like you are apologizing in a very _you_ sort of way – and you can’t actually be doing that because that would be insane.”

“She is right,” Shiro interjected. “We know this will take time. No one expects you to immediately bounce back from this. You understand that, don’t you?”

“I…I do know that, but still…” Keith shook his head, leaving the rest of the sentence hanging in the air as he changed the subject. “I do need to thank all of you for coming after me. It means a lot that you went out of your way and took so much time out of your schedules for me. I owe you all my life.”

“Technically, you really just owe Lance your life,” Hunk mused. “Not that we wouldn’t have gone after you, man – don’t ever think we wouldn’t have – but it was all his doing. Like, your BoM squad, or whatever, thought you were already dead and Lance was all _No, I refuse to believe that!_ and he got everyone together and organized. I wish the circumstances had been different, but he was actually a really badass leader! You should have seen him out there ordering everyone around and making touch calls.”

“We couldn’t have pulled it off without each other.” Lance shifted uncomfortably, feeling Keith’s eyes on him. “We’re a team, remember? And now we’re whole again.”

The bed dipped as Keith climbed back in. He shifted over until his shoulder was pressed against Lance’s. It was a small gesture, but Lance knew Keith well enough by now to understand the weight it carried.

“You should also know,” Shiro said, stepping closer and taking a seat on the edge of the bed. “That Lance also tried to contact Krolia. We were going to go with or without her, but your mother was –“

“She’s there right now.”

They all turned to look questioningly at Lance as he clarified: “She’s on Zaleer right now with Kolivan and Kosmo.”

Keith’s eyebrows pulled forward in a frown. “What do you mean?”

Lance let his fingers brush against Keith’s beneath the blanket. “She came here yesterday morning with Kolivan. I told them you had been taken by the Karva-Sel and they knew what that meant. They are on Zaleer putting an end to it all.”

“Good riddance to the Karva-Sel.” Pidge thrust one fist into the air, looking satisfied. “They don’t stand a chance if those three are coming after them.” Her eyes flicked to Keith’s and she grinned at him. “Your mom is pretty amazing – and totally scary!”

Keith’s only response was a slight downward curve of his lips.

“Keith.” Lance spoke quietly, nudging Keith with his shoulder. “This doesn’t mean what you think it means.”

Keith’s eyes found Lance’s with a question.

Lance shook his head in response. “It doesn’t mean they think you’re not capable of taking care of yourself. It only means they love you and care for you. It means they would do anything to keep you safe, and it means they were upset they were not able to be there to help bring you home in the first place.”

“Any of us would’ve done the same,” Hunk said, stepping over to the bed.

It happened in the blink of an eye.

Hunk reached out and gave Keith’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze. But Keith had been looking at Lance and did not see the touch coming until he felt Hunk’s hand on him.

His reaction was instantaneous.

Lance saw a wave of blinding fear flash across Keith’s face, and then he was leaping away – vaulting over the opposite side of the bed, dropping into a defensive stance, his eyes wild and his teeth bared in a grimace.

For a split second, everyone froze.

Hunk’s hands shot up above his head, Pidge’s eyes were wide as she gaped, Shiro stared at Keith across the room – and then Lance moved.

Slipping carefully from the bed, he stepped toward Keith, holding out his hands like one would when approaching a wild animal.

“Hey, man,” he murmured – quiet and calm. “It’s okay. You’re okay. You’re safe. It was just Hunk.” His fingers curled over one of Keith’s clenched fists as the other boy slowly blinked, his stance slumping as he staggered to an upright position.

Hunk’s hands were now clasped in front of his chest, his eyes wide and his expression distraught. “Keith, man, I didn’t…I am so sorry. Oh my God – I’m so sorry! I never –“

“I…I don’t understand.” Keith looked around the room, trying to find the answer in their faces. “I’m not – God, Hunk, I’m not _afraid_ of you. I would never be afraid of you. I don’t…”

“Keith.” All eyes turned to Shiro. “This isn’t just a physical recovery. With what you have been through, it may be some time before your mind recognizes touch as non-threatening. We will all help you by amending our actions and keeping –”

“No, I don’t want you all to –“

“A complete lack of physical contact isn’t going to be good for recovery,” Lance interjected.

“That’s not what I am suggesting.” Shiro looked pointedly toward their linked hands. “Obviously it is not always an issue. But asking permission, or advertising a touch, as Lance has shown just now, would be the amendment.”

The scowl on Keith’s face was stubborn as he said, “You don’t have to change anything to accomodate me. I need to learn to deal with this.”

“If your position were switched with any of us,” Shiro told him sternly, “think of what you would do.” When he received no response, he pressed. “Keith, what if Lance had been the one to –“

“ _Shiro_.”

Lance knew that tone of voice, and a wave of protectiveness surged through him. He slipped an arm around Keith’s shoulders, pressing him against his side.

“Hey, that’s enough.” He kept his tone firm. “Guys – this is a learning process, okay? And we’re all in this together. We’ll figure this out because that’s what we do.” He cracked a smile, trying to bring the mood back up to where it had been when they had first arrived. “If you all could stick around while I was dealing with my bullshit and depression, you can do it for anyone, right?”

He felt a tug on the back of his shirt as Keith wound his fingers in the fabric.

“That’s true,” Pidge said coolly. “Remember when Lance almost walked into the ocean like the drama queen he is?”

“Pidge!” Hunk sounded aghast, but Lance only chuckled.

“Yeah, we should probably avoid any impromptu midnight beach visits,” he agreed. “There aren’t any hot lifeguards on duty at night to heroically drag you to safety and give you mouth to mouth.”

Pidge made a soft gagging noise, and Hunk leveled a disapproving look at him.

“Come on, Lance, we were having a serious discussion.”

“Hunk, believe me – when it comes to hot lifeguards, I am always serious!”

 

The door swung open, then, and the group turned to see a very bright, very cheerful nurse stride into the room. She took one look at them and her face pulled into a deep frown.

“Young man, you get back in bed right now!”

Lance felt Keith’s posture straighten, her sharp tone snapping him to attention.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“And what are you all doing here?” she demanded. “Visiting hours are not until 10am. All of you – out!” She leveled a look at Lance, raising one eyebrow. “Even you, sleeping beauty. They may have made an exception for you last night, but this is my shift, and we are going to be playing by the rules, understood?”

The nurse pushed past the group, tutting to herself in annoyance as Keith slipped from beneath Lance’s arm and sheepishly crawled back into the bed.

They all shuffled out, muttering apologies and letting Keith know they would be back as soon as they were able.

One the way out the door, Lance felt Shiro’s arm slip around his shoulders. The large man gave him a brief squeeze before stepping away and walking off down the hall without looking back.

 

 

 

 

 

Lance visited Keith every day. He arrived at the hospital at the start of visiting hours and they would spend the day playing cards or video games, or just talking in Keith’s room.

As Keith’s physical wounds began to heal and his strength returned to him, the doctors allowed him time in the hospital’s courtyard to get some fresh air.

During the hours he spend out there, Lance often found Pidge or Hunk sitting beside him on a bench, or casually strolling along the pathways. Pidge would explain to him what she was working on with her family, and Hunk would bring Keith snacks, and tell him about Shay and how his restaurants were doing. Their visits were always accompanied by a casual carefulness, and a shy _Can I hug you?_ before taking their leave. Keith never mentioned it, but Lance could see how much he noticed their altered behavior.

Shiro joined them as much as he was able, and he was a little freer with his touches. He never asked permission, but it was obvious he was taking care to move slowly, making his gestures clear in their intent: A pat on the shoulder, a hand ruffling hair, a hug goodbye.

Lance knew that growing up, Keith had never been a big fan of being touched. He also knew Keith rarely was one to reach out and touch others, unless there was a purpose.

But something had changed in the years after the war had ended. Lance was certain it had everything to do with Keith spending so much time at his house with his family – all of whom were never shy with their touches. After two years with the McClains, it had reached the point where it was normal to see Keith sitting on the couch with Nadia on his lap, or for Luis to rest his elbow on Keith’s shoulder as they took a break from helping out in the fields. Veronica had especially grown fond of walking by and violently ruffling Keith’s hair everytime he had it up in a ponytail because it always made him grumble and have to let his hair down and do it back up.

Lance, of course, had been the first person in his family Keith had grown comfortable with touching – and any given day had often found them lounging on the couch with someone’s feet in the others’ lap, or leaning heavily on one another after a hard day’s work.

This, in fact, had a lot to do with Lance’s own road to recovery.

He remembered one day in particular when he was hanging around the kitchen, chatting with his mom as she prepared dinner. Keith had come up beside him and casually wrapped an arm around Lance’s waist as if it was something they did all the time. It was the first time the thought had crossed Lance’s mind that maybe – just maybe – everything would actually be okay after all. That maybe the happiness he felt in that moment was all right to feel.

This behavior had become so normal for Lance, he found it very hard to remember that he really should be doing better at controlling his actions around Keith, now. Every time he walked up beside Keith and slung an arm around his shoulders, or reached out without thinking to brush the hair from his face, he expected to be met with a violent reaction. His mind would catch up a second after his hand made contact with Keith’s skin, and he prepared himself for that blinding look of fear; he prepared himself for the moment Keith sprang away from him, dropping into a defensive stance – ready to fight for his life.

But that moment never came.

It happened several times while Lance was around – a misplaced hand from a doctor or nurse, another patient or concerned visitor getting too close – but it never happened because of Lance.

He figured he had just been incredibly lucky, but he still lived in worry of the one day Keith would look at him like he was a threat.

 

 

One day, a week after Keith had woken up, Lance arrived at the hospital a little later than usual. A nurse informed him that Keith was getting some exercise and fresh air in the courtyard.

Pushing open the doors leading outside, he spotted Keith almost immediately –standing by one of the benches along the pathway, talking with two people. As Lance approached, he recognized them to be Kinkade and Griffin, who must have been there for a visit.

Despite working together, Lance had never really gotten very close to any of the MFE pilots. Out of the four, Kinkade was the only one he actually occasionally got along with because he was quiet and somewhat goofy.

Lance had always found Leifsdotter to be too blunt; Rizavi to be too prying – and James Griffin he remembered from the Garrison days. He had always resented James for how he had treated Keith during their first years as cadets. Over the years James had gotten better, but he still acted strangely around Keith, and Lance had never quite figured out why.

Seeing them together, Lance quickened his pace. Logically, he knew there was nothing to worry about. He knew that whatever had happened in the past had been forgiven, and what remained was a grudging respect between them, born on the battlefield.

It was only after he saw James raise his hands, clamping them down on Keith’s shoulders that Lance understood why he had been nervous. It was obviously a friendly gesture – something James had done unconsciously – but Lance found himself sprinting across the remaining distance, knowing what would come next.

His instincts had been right because the moment the touch fell on Keith’s shoulders, he sprung back, crouching low, his feet sliding wide along the pathway. His hands raised, fingers flexing and muscles tensing – ready to spring into action.

Kinkade drew back, and James’ hands shot up above his head – shock and surprise clear on his face as he stared into Keith’s suddenly yellow eyes.

Lance shoved between them, planting himself directly in front of Keith – reaching out immediately to touch his fingers to one of Keith’s hands. Keeping constant contact, his slid his fingers up the length of Keith’s arm, making sure his hand remained flat and open, until it came to rest against Keith’s cheek.

“Hey…” he murmured, keeping his eyes soft and his voice calm. “Keith. Keith, can you hear me? It’s okay. You’re okay.” Relief flooded through his chest as he felt Keith relax under his touch.

Slowly, Keith straightened, his eyes never leaving Lance’s as they returned to their normal color. One of his hands came up to cover Lance’s fingers as they rested against his cheek.

Lance gave Keith a small, relieved smile before turning around to face James. He squared his shoulders as he felt Keith’s hands latch onto his waist. A shuddering breath washed over the skin on the back of his neck as Keith dropped his head and pressed his forehead to Lance’s shoulder.

Lance met James’ still wide eyes. “You can’t just touch him, man,” he scolded. “Not without permission, okay?”

Something flashed across James’ face that – if Lance hadn’t known better – almost looked like jealousy. “You did, though.”

“I what?”

“You touched him just now, and I didn’t hear you ask permission.” The words were biting. “You touch him all the time. You’re practically hanging all over him every chance you get! Why wouldn’t I think it was okay?”

This conversation was rubbing Lance the wrong way. “What are you – spying on us or something? It’s none of your business, man!”

James tried to peer around Lance to see Keith’s face. “Keith…look, I’m sorry if I scared you or something. I didn’t mean to. I just thought you were fine with it since I’ve seen other people touch you after…you know?”

“That’s not necessarily true.” Lance glanced up into Kinkade’s thoughtful eyes. He gave Lance a pointed look before turning to James. “It’s actually very obvious once you notice it, but it’s not _other_ _people_. It’s just Lance and occasionally Captain Shirogane.”

Lance felt Keith’s hands tighten on his sides.

“What are you talking about?” he asked.

Kinkade offered him a shrug. “I mean the people Keith allows to touch him without asking. It’s you. Occasionally Captain Shirogane as well, but most of the time, it’s just you.”

Lance let his thoughts travel back over the past week because that couldn’t be right, could it?

Except…

 

That first day, he had literally crawled into bed with Keith and held him while he slept.

He remembered every time during Keith’s recovery that he had placed a hand on Keith’s shoulder. Every time he had twined their fingers together. Every time his arm had found a resting place around Keith’s shoulders or waist.

He remembered the days he had spent in Keith’s hospital room – slipping into the bed beside him to pull him close and assure him he was safe from whatever waking nightmare he had been reliving. He remembered every time he had wiped the sweat from Keith’s face and brushed the hair out of his eyes.

He remembered the softness of Keith’s skin beneath his fingers. The tightness of Keith’s grip around his own. The warmth of Keith’s body pressed against his side.

 

“You didn’t realize, did you?” Kinkade’s voice drew Lance back to the present. “I guess I am just more observant than the rest of you.”

James’ face had twisted into a scowl, which he was directing at Lance for some reason. Confused, and still trying to process this new information, Lance scowled back.

James’ expression darkened. “This doesn’t make you special, McClain.” He took a step forward, trying once again to peer around Lance. “Keith, you have to trust me. I swear I would never hurt you.”

Lance had been about to retort when he felt Keith straighten behind him. His right hand slid along Lance’s back as he stepped around to stand beside him.

“It’s not about that,” he said quietly. “I’ve had problems with Pidge and Hunk before – and it has nothing to do with them. You think I don’t trust both of them with my life? It’s a reflex, James. I can’t help it, and it’s going to take time to get over.”

James addressed Keith directly, as if Lance wasn’t standing right there. “But why him? Shiro, I get, but…seriously… _him?_ After everything –“

“Stop talking, now.”

James glowered, ignoring the warning in Keith’s voice. “You know it’s pointless. You admitted that on the night –“

“That’s enough of that.” Lance swung around, turning his back on the two pilots. “Let’s go back inside, okay?”

He saw the agreement on Keith’s face. Lance placed a hand on his back and began slowly guiding him back into the hospital building.

 

He thought it was over. He thought they could just forget about the whole conversation and go about their day, but –

“He’s not yours, McClain!”

James’ voice seemed to echo through the courtyard, and for a moment everything for Lance seemed to freeze. Images of Keith flashed through his head; pictures and memories he had never wanted to see again.

 

_Shackles binding his wrists._

_Bruises and bloody scratches littering his skin._

_Limbs bound to a chair._

_A hand around his neck._

 

Lance didn’t remember leaving Keith’s side until he stood directly in front of James, gripping his shirt with both fists.

“He doesn’t belong to anyone, James.” It was the voice he didn’t recognize. The voice he had used while addressing the guards outside Keith’s room on Zaleer. “I killed 21 aliens who thought he belonged to them. You think I’ll hold back with you if you try to touch him before he’s ready?” He shook James harshly. “He doesn’t need that right now. He just needs a friend. He needs someone he trusts – and it’s not about you or me or anyone else. As long as I’m the one he trusts, I will be there. If he decides he trusts someone else more, then that’s his choice – and I would _back the fuck off_.”

Kinkade pried Lance’s fists away from James’ shirt.

“All right, that’s enough.” Warm brown eyes fixed on Lance. “Let it go. He didn’t mean it in the way you thought he did.”

Lance and James glared at each other for a moment longer before Lance abruptly turned and stalked back to Keith.

The two of them walked in silence away from the courtyard and back inside the hospital building. Lance was still fuming – trying to push away the images his mind had conjured up. He didn’t even realize they had made it all the way back to Keith’s room until his friend’s quiet voice broke his concentration.

“We slept together.”

Lance blinked in bafflement as Keith sat down heavily on the bed with a sigh. “Um…”

“James, I mean. Once.” Keith shrugged. “I guess that’s why he got so offended.”

Lance couldn’t think of a single response to that statement because it hurt – and he had no right for it to hurt the way it did. Because James was not always right, but he had been right about one thing: Keith did not belong to him.

“When?” he asked finally.

Keith shrugged again. “I don’t know. Maybe a couple months ago?”

“Why?” Lance didn’t really want to know. The question just slipped out because he needed something to distract his mind from the mental image of Keith and James together.

Keith made a face. “I was drunk. It was a bad day. Does it matter? I told him it was only going to happen once and I meant it.”

 

_Why didn’t you come to me if it was a bad day?_

 

Lance mind supplied the answers before he even finished thinking the question.

 

_Because you weren’t there for him._

_Because he obviously doesn’t feel the same way about you that you feel about him._

_Because he doesn’t need you like you need him._

 

 

“Why do you let me touch you?”

Keith looked up, holding Lance’s gaze for a moment before he sighed. He patted the bed beside him and after a second’s hesitation, Lance walked over and sat down.

“I don’t know, honestly.”

They were both facing forward, their knees just barely brushing.

“All I know,” Keith continued, “is that I never feel scared when I am with you. This might sound stupid, but I think it has something to do with the fact that you’ve always had…honest intentions? You have no ulterior motive, you know?” Keith nudged him with an elbow and Lance glanced over to see a slight grin on his face. “Like, if you are going to grab someone’s ass you’ll just do that. You won’t put your hand on their back first and casually let it slip lower, pretending you don’t notice.”

Lance snorted. “That’s absolutely true. My ass-grabbing intentions are always made 100% clear.”

“It’s truly noble of you.”

They sat in silence for a moment before Lance straightened his spine, drawing in a sharp breath. “Ok. This is going to sound weird, and I don’t want you to take it the wrong way, but…” He could feel his cheeks heating up and he tried to fight the blush back. “Could I…help you? I mean, if you’re having trouble with people touching you, is there anything I can do to help you get over it?”

“No.”

Lance’s shoulder slumped back down as he waved it off. “Yeah. Right. That was a stupid thing to ask.”

“No, I mean…”

Lance almost jumped in surprise as he felt Keith’s fingers brush against his own. Tentatively, Keith slid his palm against Lance’s, twining their fingers together so their joined hands rested on Lance’s knee.

“I mean I think I trust you too much for it to be effective.” Keith’s voice was soft. “Because this doesn’t scare me. It doesn’t make me want to turn and run away. You can’t help me, because no matter what you do, I think I’m always going to be okay with it.”

“Holy shit,” Lance breathed.

“Yeah,” Keith agreed.

Lance felt his heart speed up. For a moment, he considered not saying it, but –

“It’s the same, you know,” he murmured – heart in his throat. “For me. With you. It’s the same.”

Keith didn’t respond, but Lance knew he had heard because a moment later, he lowered his head to rest against Lance’s shoulder.

 

 

And Lance felt like his chest wasn’t large enough to contain his heart anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

That night he dreamed of Keith.

 

Keith’s back pressed against the wall as Lance’s hands slid slowly up his sides, slipping beneath his shirt. Pressing forward so his body was flush against Keith’s, he could feel the small breath Keith let out against his neck.

Lance trailed his lips up the curve of Keith’s neck, barely touching – letting his breath ghost over the soft, pale skin. One of his hands traveled farther up and he buried it in Keith’s hair, cupping the back of his head as he pulled him even closer.

_Touch me, Lance._ It was a whisper in his ear, soft and husky. _Please_.

_Are you sure?_ Lance whispered back.

_You’re the only one._ Lance could feel his heart pounding. He could feel his mind going numb. He could feel Keith’s breath on his ear. _I will always let you touch me._

Lance pulled back just far enough to look into his friend’s face. Keith stared back at him, eyes shining and face flushed. _You would do that for me?_

_You are the winner,_ Keith whispered to him. _I will do anything you ask._

Blood seeped from both corners of his mouth as he smiled, dripping onto his suddenly bare chest – leaving trails of red across the mottled purple and yellow bruised flesh of Keith’s torso. Lance turned his gaze back to Keith’s face – and Keith’s eyes were pure yellow staring back at him.

Lance blinked once – and when he opened his eyes Keith was on the floor. He fell to his knees, hovering over his friend. There was a pool of blood spreading out beneath Keith’s body. Lance’s hands were red – his fingers leaving smudges and streaks of blood as he ran his hands over Keith’s exposed skin, trying to find the source of the bleeding.

Keith’s eyes were open and staring at nothingness; his skin slowly draining of color.

_You are too late,_ whispered a voice in Lance’s head. _You weren’t there._

 

 

Lance’s eyes flew open, and for a moment, all he could do was lie in his bed, heart hammering in his chest and his fists clenched around the blanket.

He was reaching for his phone when a thought stopped his hand. He lay there, frozen – one hand hovering over his phone on the bedside table as the thought sunk in:

_This can’t be about you anymore. He’s dealing with enough. You have to be able to handle this on your own._

Before, he wouldn’t have thought twice about sending Keith a message, no matter the time of day or night. Every nightmare he’d had; every bad thought or awful day, he had automatically reached out with a message or a call – and he had taken it for granted.

 

He had taken _Keith_ for granted.

Until he almost hadn’t been there anymore.

 

Lance was the one who should be on the other end of that call, now – the one who would pick the phone up, no matter when it rang; no matter what he was doing or dealing with.

He was the one who shouldn’t bother Keith if he was actually having a good night’s sleep because Lance knew from experience how rare that could be.

He was pulling his hand back when the phone lit up abruptly, chiming loudly in the quiet room – making Lance yelp in surprise.

He quickly snatched the device up and unlocked it, staring down at the words on the screen.

 

_Can I call you?_

 

“Yes, please,” he whispered before quickly typing a response.

It was only a second later the screen lit up. Relief washed through Lance’s chest as he answered the call and saw Keith’s face on the other end.

“I was just dreaming about you.” The words slipped out in a rush before he could really think about how that sounded.

Keith let out a shaky breath. As he raised a hand to run through his hair, Lance could see how much he was shaking. “I…was just dreaming about _you_.”

For a moment, they just stared at one another. Lance saw Keith’s lower lip tremble for a second before it was clamped beneath his teeth.

“I was standing above that arena again,” Keith said finally. “I watched you fighting those aliens in the pit. I watched one of them kill you.” He ran a hand over his face, clearly trying to get himself under control. “I’m so sorry, Lance. You shouldn’t have had to do that. I know you don’t want that life anymore. You shouldn’t have –“

But it was the middle of the night.

It was the middle of the night – Lance had just woken from a nightmare, and Keith was apologizing to him. Again.

This was no time to be anything but honest.

“I do want a peaceful life, Keith,” he said bluntly. “I want to wake up every morning and be happy and not worry about being killed or fighting in a war. But I don’t want any of that if you aren’t here. I went in there willing to risk everything to bring you back safely. I would have given my life in that arena if it meant you could return to earth. I want you to know that.”

Keith’s face crumpled and he dropped his head into his hand with a broken whisper of “Oh my God.”

Lance was swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “Keith, I’m gonna drive to the hospital, okay? I don’t want you to be –“

“No!” It was a whimper – but then Keith was pulling himself together; raising his head and wiping his cheeks before he opened his eyes and met Lance’s gaze. “No, it’s okay. I just…needed to see you were okay, I guess.”

Lance was still poised at the edge of the bed, ready to spring up. “Are you sure? I don’t mind driving –“

Keith was already shaking his head. “I’m sure.” There was a pause and then he added in a small voice, “If you come over now, I will end up doing something I’ll regret.”

And Lance’s heart was pounding in his chest because he completely understood. He didn’t know Keith’s reasons – he wasn’t sure exactly what Keith meant when he said that – but he did understand.

Because the memory of the dream was still vivid in his mind: Keith’s voice whispering in his ear _Touch me, Lance._

Because Keith was afraid and vulnerable, and they had both apparently dreamed of the other one dying.

Because he knew if he walked into that hospital room and took one look at Keith’s face, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from kissing him.

“Okay,” Lance agreed quietly.

_I love you._

“But I am going to visit you in the morning, okay?”

_I love you._

Keith nodded, drawing in a shaky breath. “Yeah. Yeah, I think the nurse said I would be released tomorrow, so if you don’t mind…maybe you could give me a ride to my apartment?”

_I’ll do anything for you._

“Yeah, of course. Whatever you need, okay?”

A small, grateful smile curved Keith’s lips. “Yeah. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Lance sat on the edge of his bed, holding the phone in his lap after the call ended.

With shaking hands he opened up his messages and typed out the words _I love you._ His thumb hovered over the send button – before he backtracked, deleting the message and shutting off his phone.

He flopped back onto the bed with a groan, knowing he wouldn’t be getting anymore sleep that night.

 

Keith had instructed Lance to take him to his apartment as they got in the car the next morning.

The longer they drove, and the closer they got to the turn-off, however, the more adamant Lance became that that was not going to happen.

He had been to Keith’s tiny studio apartment many times over the years, and it was the last place he thought Keith should be right now.

The space was too small.

The walls were barren of any decorations.

The only furniture consisted of a sad-looking mattress in one corner, and a desk and chair in the other.

The way the windows were positioned, barely any natural light filtered in, and being in there gave you the impression of being trapped in a dismal hole underground.

 

No, there was no way Lance was going to leave Keith alone in that place with no company other than his thoughts.

 

 

“Um…you missed the turn.” Keith was pointing back out the window as they sailed by the turn-off. “Don’t you remember where I live?”

“Of course I do.” Lance kept his gaze straight forward, hands gripping the wheel. “That’s where I’m taking you.”

“No.” Keith’s tone was blunt. “I am not going to impose on your family. They already have enough to deal with and I –“

“Do you honestly think I would leave you alone in that barren room you somehow call a home?” Lance gave him a withering look. “Do you have any idea what my mom would say if I came back without you?”

“Lance, it’s too much. I don’t –“

“No. Don’t you dare finish that sentence. Do you know how many times Nadia has asked me _When is uncle Keith coming over? I miss uncle Keith! Where is uncle Keith? I want to show him my drawings!”_

Keith pulled one leg up, wrapping his arms around it and resting his chin on his knee. “I bet she’s gotten really good at drawing, now. It’s been…a long time.”

Lance couldn’t keep the smile from his face. “Dude, I think she fell in love with you the minute you showed her the picture you had drawn of her and her stuffed walrus. She wants to be just like you when she grows up.”

A shudder jolted through Keith at those words. His fingers dug into his leg and his breath came faster and faster until he gasped, “Lance – stop the car!”

Lance slammed on the breaks, skidding onto the shoulder – frightened by the panic in Keith’s voice. Before the car had even come to a full stop, Keith was unbuckling his seatbelt and leaping from the vehicle.

Swearing, Lance slammed the car into park and flung his door open, dashing around the side to where Keith was stumbling backwards away from the road and into the field beyond.

“Keith –“ Lance caught up to him easily, holding out his hands. “Hey – are you okay?”

“How can I face your family like this?” Keith was visibly shaking, now. “Everything was going so well – it was all just getting better, and now…now it’s all ruined, Lance! I’ve let everybody down!”

Lance grabbed him by the shoulders, giving him a shake. “Keith, literally everyone in my entire family loves you. Nothing is ruined. You could never do anything to let any of them down, okay?”

Keith drew in a long, shaky breath – his eyes searching Lance’s face. “Does that…” He tried again, his voice unsteady. “Does that include you?”

 

_You have no idea._

Lance hoped the look he gave was as sincere as he felt. “Of course it does.”

Keith continued to stare at him, and Lance wanted to keep talking. He wanted to let his hands slip down Keith’s arms to twine their fingers together. He wanted to say all the things he was feeling in that moment. He wanted to say all the things he had felt over the years; the things that were only now starting to make sense.

What he finally did speak, it was to ask, “Do you really want to be alone right now?”

He saw Keith’s jaw clench. He saw the hesitation on his face, but he knew there was only one answer to his question.

Eventually Keith gave in and rolled his eyes. “I’ll stay for one night.” It was said so begrudgingly, Lance knew he would get nowhere if he tried to press the matter, now. He would wait, and when Keith believed he had overstayed his welcome, he would bring it up again.

“Yeah, man,” he agreed. “Whatever works for you.” Then he added, “Now, can we get back in the car before someone drives by and thinks I’m trying to abduct you?”

Keith scoffed at that. “Like you could.”

“I will have you know,” Lance stated, stepping back around to the driver’s side door and opening it. “That I am a lot stronger than I look. Don’t underestimate me!”

Keith slipped back into his seat as they both buckled their seatbelts. “Implying you don’t look strong. Kindof an unintentional insult to yourself, there, Lance.”

Lance grinned, shifting the car into drive and pulling back onto the empty road. “You know what, Keith? We can’t all be as perfect as you.” He adopted a mocking tone, “’Oh, look at me. I’m Keith. I’m a ninja alien and I look exactly as strong as I am.’”

“You’re complimenting me?” Keith chuckled despite himself. “You’re insulting yourself and complimenting me? You actually are abducting me, aren’t you? You’re not the real Lance. You’re some kind of…shape-shifting assassin and you’ve taken on Lance’s form.”

Lance let out a maniacal laugh, tossing his head back as far as he could while still keeping his eyes on the road. “You fool! There never was a _Lance_! It was me all along – and now that you have discovered my secret, there is only one thing I can do with you.”

“Kill me, I’m guessing?”

“ _Yes_ …” Lance drew out the word dramatically. “But I will kill you over years and years, so you won’t even know you are being killed. I will take you to my lair with the rest of my kind and we shall feed you and clothe you and give you a bed to sleep in. You will fall into a false sense of security until you eventually come to trust us completely! You have already started to fall into my trap!”

Keith snorted. “Brilliant assassination plan you got there.”

“I know! It was devised specifically for you!”

The snort turned into a laugh. An actual, genuine laugh. The first, since Keith had woken from his coma – and Lance had to fight the urge to just let go of the steering wheel and pull him into a hug.

“I really missed you, Lance.”

Without thinking, Lance reached over and gave Keith’s hand a squeeze. “Well, then it’s a good thing _I’m_ thinking logically and taking you back to my family’s house.”

“It’s just for tonight,” Keith reminded him.

“Yeah, sure. Whatever you say, man.” He started to pull his hand away, but Keith held on, keeping their fingers locked together – and Lance knew he had made the right call by not taking him to his apartment.

 

 

The minute the car ground to a halt on the gravel driveway, the front door was flung open.

Nadia shoved her way past Lance’s mother and Veronica and sprinted the distance from the house to the car as Keith was getting out of the passenger side.

Lance’s mother shouted a warning, but Nadia’s jubilant shriek of “Uncle Keith!” drowned it out as she launched herself into the air. Surprised, Keith caught her, lifting her up until he was able to settle her comfortably on one hip.

Her small arms wrapped around his neck and the grin on her face was radiant.

Lance watched them as the little girl began to babble about everything that had happened since she had last seen Keith, insisting that he take a look at her drawings as soon as they got inside.

One look at the affection in Keith’s eyes as he listened to the little girl, and Lance knew it wasn’t just going to be one night.

 

 

 

 

The remainder of the day went smoothly.

Lance helped his mother make up the guest room, and Nadia clung to Keith like a small, adoring leech.

And for a couple hours Lance could let himself imagine that everything was normal. He could let himself forget all they had been through. He could let himself forget what it had felt like to press his fingers to Keith’s neck and not feel a responding pulse. He could let himself forget the wild and terrified look in Keith’s eyes when he was touched in a way his body perceived as a threat.

For a couple hours, everything was good, and he was happy.

 

 

Lance thought Keith had already gone to bed for the night as he made his way to the kitchen to grab himself a late night snack.

As he approached the open doorway, however, the sound of voices made him pause just out of view behind the wall.

“Mr. and Mrs. McClain,” he heard Keith saying. “Can I…can I talk to you?”

“Of course,” came the response from his mother. “Here, sit down. We were just making tea. Would you like some?”

“That would actually be really nice.”

Lance heard the sound of chairs scraping the floor as they settled down around the table. Cups clinked together as his mother took the boiling kettle off its heating pad.

Water was poured into three cups as Lance’s father asked, “How is the guest room for you? I wish we’d had more time to prepare, but –“

“It’s perfect.” Keith’s voice was quiet and earnest. “It’s always perfect.” The sound of cups being set on the table was followed with a quiet “Thank you.”

“Now –“ Lance heard his mother settling into her chair. “What is on your mind?”

There was a pause before Keith responded. “I’m sorry, this is…”

“Take your time.” Lance’s father’s voice was gentle.

“No, I mean –“ he heard Keith draw in a deep breath. Whatever he was trying to say was difficult for him, and suddenly Lance got the feeling he should leave. Unfortunately, his curiosity and concern won out in the end, anchoring his feet to his hiding spot behind the wall.

“I’m sorry for…what happened,” Keith said. “I know that Lance – I know he doesn’t want that life anymore. I know he’s happy here, and I should have never put him in a situation to compromise that.”

Lance clamped a hand over his mouth, his eyes going wide. _You should have left,_ his mind scolded him. _Can you really listen to him take the blame for what happened without stepping in to stop it?_

“Keith –“ his parents seemed just as appalled at the sentiment.

Keith ignored their protest. “Did he tell you he fought in a gladiator style arena? Did he tell you he had barely any sleep the entire time he was out searching for me? Did he tell you he had to kill to get to me?” The guilt in Keith’s voice had Lance one second away from stepping out of his hiding place. “He risked his life to rescue me, and he never should have done that. I don’t want that for him. I don’t want that for your family. So I’m sorry.” There was a pause, then Keith added quietly. “If you don’t want me to stay here anymore, I understand. If you don’t want me around –“

“Why are you saying these things?” Lance’s mother couldn’t keep the distress and disbelief from her voice any longer. “How could you possibly think –?“

“Keith.” His father was calmer. “I think you are missing the bigger picture here. We are fully aware that what Lance did was dangerous. No, we did not have those specific details, but of course we knew there was a risk.”

“But we trust our son, and we know him,” his mother added. “Perhaps better than he knows himself.”

“In certain areas, I would say so.” There was a slight chuckle in his father’s voice and Lance frowned, wondering what areas he was referring to. “For example, we knew there was nothing we could do or say to stop him from going after you, no matter the risk. If there was even the slightest chance you were still alive –“

“But I don’t _want_ him to risk his life for me! I don’t want him to put himself in danger because of me. You have all been so good to me. You have all done so much and made me feel so welcome in your home, and I –“

“Would you do the same for him?” Lance’s ears perked up at his father’s question.

“What?”

“Would you risk your life for him? Would you travel halfway across the galaxy and fight in a gladiator pit? Would you kill to keep him safe?”

“Of course I would.” There was not even a second’s hesitation.

“Then I don’t see a problem.”

There was a pause and then Keith’s voice came again, disbelieving. “Just like that?”

“Just like that,” his father confirmed.

Another pause, and then, “No wonder Lance turned out to be such a fucking good person.” There was a sharp creak from the chair, and then Keith added hurriedly, “Wait, no – God, I’m sorry, Mr. and Mrs. McClain, I didn’t mean to say –“

The sound of his mother’s laughter interrupted Keith’s apology.

“Keith, let me ask you something,” she said, her voice light and kind. “You’ve been visiting us and staying with us for the past…two years?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“You’ve seen how much we love our children and our grandchildren?”

“Of course.”

“We wouldn’t let anyone stay around our children if we thought they had ill intentions, or if they were oblivious to any harm or heartbreak they might cause, would we?”

“I don’t…” Keith faltered.

“That was a silly question. Let me put it plainly. We are happy you are a part of Lance’s life. We are grateful you trust us enough to come here and talk to us after all you have been through. You are not biologically ours, but you are still a part of this family, and nothing you have done – or has been done to you – has changed that.”

“Besides,” his father added with a chuckle. “If Lance has fought and killed to bring you home safely, do you think for one second he would let us kick you out of this house?”

Both of Lance’s hands were pressed against his mouth to keep himself from making a sound. His eyes stung with tears and he blinked them back.

There was silence from the other room, and then shuffling. “Oh, no – no, no,” his mother’s voice came again, soft and soothing. “Oh, sweet boy…you’re okay. Everything is okay. Keith, look at me. May I – may I give you a hug?“ More shuffling, and then a muffled, watery sob. “How could you think we would turn you away? You stay here as long as you need.” She laughed softly. “You know…I think if it were up to _Lance_ , you would stay here for the rest of your life.” Another muffled sob drifted from the kitchen, followed by a soft shushing from his mother. “Oh, Keith…you are so much more loved than you know.”

Lance was too distracted trying to listen to what was going on with Keith and his mother, he didn’t hear movement from the room until his father stepped around the doorframe of the kitchen, raising an eyebrow as he looked down at his son – completely unsurprised by his presence.

Lance opened his mouth – caught in the act – eyes darting to the kitchen door and back again.

His father smiled and looped an arm around his shoulders, twirling him around and marching him down the hallway away from the kitchen.

“Eavesdroppers rarely hear anything good,” he said when they were far enough away. “But I think that conversation was all right.”

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.” Lance looked away, bashful. “I was on my way to the kitchen, and I heard you all talking and didn’t want to interrupt.”

His father gave him a squeeze. “Well, since you did overhear everything, your mother is right, isn’t she?” When Lance only gave him a confused look, he grinned. “About Keith being more loved than he knows.”

Lance stopped dead in his tracks, forcing his father to stop as well. The arm around his shoulders slipped away, and his father turned to face him, one eyebrow raised and arms folded across his chest, expectant.

“I – I don’t…” Lance stammered. “I mean, what are you even talking about?” He waved his hands around, getting more flustered by the minute. “I mean, of course he’s loved, I’m not saying… Like, you know his pet, Kosmo? Man, that – that dog would do _anything_ for Keith – it’s crazy! He would –“

His father laughed, loud and clear, tossing his head back. “Hiding behind someone’s pet! Just wait until I tell your mother!”

Lance deflated, holding his hands out in front of him in protest. “Wait, no – please don’t…” It was no use, and he knew it. His shoulders slumped as he let out a groan before looking up at his father with pleading eyes. “Is it…really that obvious?”

“Maybe,” came the reply. “It’s hard to say because we are your parents. We’ve had the privilege of watching you grow up. We know what makes you happy and what breaks your heart. And we know what drives you.”

“Oh, please.”

Lance jumped at Veronica’s sudden voice behind him. He whirled around to see her standing there, hip cocked to the side and one eyebrow raised.

“You’re just trying to make him feel better,” she said, placing one hand on her hip and batting the other in Lance’s direction. “We all know it’s because he’s been talking about Keith non-stop since that first holiday break after he enrolled in the Garrison.” She adopted a mocking tone, rolling her eyes. “ _Keith this – Keith that…Did you know that Keith beat Takashi Shirogane’s record in the flight simulator? I heard that Keith punched another student right in the face! Keith is Shiro’s favorite. Keith has stupid hair_.” Her eyes narrowed and she flashed an evil grin at her brother. “And remember when I asked if ‘ _that long-haired friend of yours’_ was available for a date and you immediately started babbling about just how incredibly _unavailable_ Keith was? I mean – come on, Lance. You knew I was a lesbian. Funny how your mind just automatically turned to Keith in that situation. Almost like you were already thinking about him, or something.”

“Okay, okay, that’s enough. I think he gets your point.” Their father shook his head, smiling to himself. “Now, since you are still living under my roof I have the right to tell you I think it’s time you both got to bed. I could really use some help in the morning, so we should all get some sleep. You know Keith is going to be out there helping me, and if he’s the only one I am going to be very upset.”

Lance was turning away when his father’s voice stopped him. “Oh, and Lance? I hope you get an especially restful night’s sleep because tomorrow you and I are going to have a very long talk about gladiator fights.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](https://erithel.tumblr.com/)   
>  [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ErithEl)   
>  [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/erithel/?hl=en)   
>  [Voltron Comic](https://tapas.io/episode/1299614)


	7. Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two boys go to the beach. Twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm putting a WARNING on this chapter!!!
> 
> As always there is nothing explicit, but the last part is Keith talking about what happened to him, so I guess read at your own risk.  
> You can thank the show Outlander for one part in particular.

**Chapter Seven: Sorry**

 

 

 

 

**Two Years Ago:**

 

_The scent of brine in the air was so familiar._

_He felt the same cool breeze sweeping in from beyond the horizon, the recognizable cold grip of the ocean waves as they pulled at his ankles, the old feeling of sinking into the sand – deeper and deeper until he might be swallowed up._

_Lance hated that he was numb to these familiar things, because these were the memories of home._

_He had been looking forward so much to his first visit to his childhood home and the beach he had grown up on. He had spent all that time with Voltron fighting someone else’s war, hoping beyond hope that it would all still be there when he returned._

_But he looked up at the night sky, now, and all he could see was a universe that had taken away someone he loved._

_It had all happened so fast – one minute she was there, and the next she had vanished from existence._

_One minute she was standing right in front of him, and the next she was gone… floating away to become part of something cosmic and universe-altering the Lance couldn’t understand._

_The thoughts ran rampant through his brain, tumbling over one another – each one screaming louder than the one before:_

 

**_You were not enough._ **

**_She never loved you._ **

**_She never even cared about you._ **

**_No one ever will._ **

**_You let her die._ **

**_You’re always going to be alone._ **

 

_The thoughts drove Lance’s feet to move. He stepped robotically forward, only vaguely aware of the water now surging around his knees._

 

**_You could just float away, too. No one would know. No one would miss you. No one would –_ **

 

_Someone shouting his name snapped Lance back to reality a moment before a hand was grabbing him harshly by the wrist. He was dragged backwards and tackled onto the damp sand at the water’s edge._

_Keith’s eyes were wide and slightly frantic as he hovered over Lance – hands bracing himself on either side of Lance’s head, legs straddling Lance’s hips._

_“What are you doing?” Lance’s voice was hoarse._

_“What are **you** doing?” came the demand from above. “You were walking out into the ocean!”_

_Anger reared it’s head, sudden and fierce. Lance gave a wordless growl, pushing against Keith’s chest, trying to shove him off. Keith caught his wrists and rolled, dragging Lance with him._

_Lance gave an indignant yelp as he found himself in the same exact position as before – except now he was covered in sand, and Keith was pinning him down with a tight hold around his wrists._

_“Get the fuck off me!” Lance spat. “What are you even doing here?”_

 

**_Do you even care?_ **

 

_“I came to check on you!” Keith snapped back. His eyes flashed in the moonlight, fierce and determined. “And it’s a good thing I did because what the fuck, Lance?”_

_“I wasn’t gonna drown myself – don’t be a moron!”_

_“You’re the moron! If you weren’t gonna just walk into the ocean and let yourself float away then tell me…tell me what you were actually doing.”_

_It had sounded so appealing and Lance hated that Keith had hit the nail on the head._

 

**_Just let go and float away. Just like Allura did… Vanish from the world, never to be seen again._ **

****

_Not to die…just to disappear._

_He growled, teeth bared as he struggled against Keith’s grip on his arms. “What does it matter? Just leave me alone!”_

 

**_Do you actually care?_ **

_“What does it matter?” Keith was shouting at him, now. “Because as far as I can see, I just saved your life. We already lost Allura, don’t make us –“_

_“Don’t you say her fucking name!” Lance didn’t know if he’d ever been this angry in his life. “You never even really liked her. I bet you’re glad she’s gone!” He knew it wasn’t true – and that’s why he said it, because he knew it was going to hurt. He wanted it to hurt. He wanted_ **_someone_** _to hurt as much as he did in that moment._

_His words had the desired effect on Keith. His face twisting in mortification as his grip slackened just enough for Lance to free his wrists and shove him away._

_Their bodies twisted in the sand, rolling again – and Lance found himself on top of Keith, his knees pressed against Keith’s waist, one hand fisted in Keith’s teeshirt._

_Somewhere within his heart, he knew he needed this fight to keep going. He needed to yell and hit something. He needed this to escalate so he could get all of his agony and heartbreak out in a burst of aggression._

_But Keith did not give him that._

_He stared up at Lance with wide, grief-stricken eyes, his hair splayed out around his head on the damp sand._

_“You can hit me. It’s okay.”_

_Lance reeled back, sitting up on his heels as he stared down at his friend lying beneath him._

_“It’s okay,” Keith repeated, and his voice was too understanding; his expression too crestfallen. “Whatever you need, I’m your guy.”_

_Lance’s fist clenched at his side, and he saw Keith’s eyes drop to pick up the movement. His gaze swiveled back up to Lance’s face, his eyes giving Lance permission – telling him he understood. Telling him it was okay._

 

__

 

_If they had kept fighting, he may have accidentally swung at Keith and then immediately regretted it. But there was no way he could raise his fist when Keith was looking at him like that._

_Lance ground his teeth together._

_The desire to yell and fight and hit something was fading, and with it, his strength to hold himself up._

_Releasing his grip on Keith’s shirt, he smoothed out the wrinkles before letting his body fall forward, catching himself on his hands in the sand by Keith’s head._

_His face hung over Keith’s, but his eyes were squeezed shut so he couldn’t see his friend’s expression. He only heard and felt the soft, shaky release of breath against his cheek, and he understood that Keith had really been prepared to take a punch from him just now._

_“It doesn’t matter what I do.” Lance was too tired and too emotional to hold back his words anymore. “I did everything I could to make her happy, but it was never enough. I’m never going to be enough, so why should I bother? I don’t know if she even cared about me at all.”_

_“She did care about you.” Keith’s voice was just audible over the crash of the waves behind them. “I know she did.”_

_“You can’t know that for sure.”_

_“Hey…hey, Lance? Yes I can. Do you know why?”_

_Lance felt soft fingers on his chin, tilting his head – and then he was staring into Keith’s eyes, only inches away._

_“Why?”_

_“Because you’re you. It’s impossible for anyone not to care about you.”_

_“Fuck off.” It wasn’t mean, just disbelieving._

_“I care about you. Isn’t that proof enough?”_

_Lance’s eyes caught and held Keith’s. He wasn’t sure if it was hard to breathe because they had fought or if it was because of some other reason entirely… Their proximity to each other. The softness of Keith’s voice. The moonlight reflecting in his eyes. His fingers that still lingered on Lance’s chin._

 

**_I care about you._ **

_“We all care about you. We need you, Lance. You have no idea how important you are to us.”_

_Lance stared at him, unable to break their eye contact._

_Finally he breathed out, “You said earlier that whatever I needed, you’re my guy, right?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“I know you’re not a touchy person, but…I could really use a hug right now.”_

_Keith stared at him for a second longer, and then he was reaching up – his arms snaking around Lance’s shoulders. He pulled Lance down on top of him, their chests pressed together and Lance’s face stuffed in the crook of his neck._

_Lance had had a brief moment of wishing it was Hunk with him instead of Keith. Hunk gave the best hugs, and Keith had always seemed a little hesitant – like he was expecting the other person to pull away at any second; like he didn’t want to linger too long and ruin something._

_But this was different._

_Lance felt himself melting in Keith’s embrace. He felt Keith’s arms squeezing snugly around his torso. He felt one of Keith’s hands running up and down the length of his spine. He felt Keith’s heartbeat matching his own._

_This was the kind of hug that conveyed a message, and Lance felt his eyes sting a little as he understood._

 

**_I’ve got you._ **

**_I care about you._ **

**_I’m not going to let you float away._ **

 

_“You’re my guy, Keith?” Lance didn’t know why he whispered those words. The moment he said them, he wanted to take them back because it suddenly felt too intimate._

_But Keith answered simply, his hand never stopping on its path along Lance’s back. “I’m your guy. Whatever you need, I’ll be here for you. Just please – God, please don’t give up on yourself, okay?”_

_It should have been awkward, but it wasn’t._

_Lance was literally lying on top of Keith in the sand, his face buried in Keith’s neck. He should have felt uncomfortable. He should have wanted to move away._

_“If I get too close to the edge,” he whispered instead. “Will you pull me back?”_

_Keith’s hand stilled for a moment, then – only to trail upwards. Lance closed his eyes as he felt Keith’s fingers comb gently through his hair. “Of course I will.”_

_Lance kept his eyes closed, letting go for just a moment._

_He let the sound of the waves and the gentle ocean breeze soothe the anguish in his mind._

_He let the echo of Keith’s words comfort the pain in his heart._

_He let the warmth of Keith’s fingers in his hair lull him into a state of calm and stillness._

_And he understood – if only for a second – that he wasn’t alone._

 

 

 

**Present Day:**

 

Lance slept through the night without interruption, and woke before the sun had risen. Despite only having several hours, he felt rested and ready to start the day.

No one else in the house was stirring when he made his way downstairs, and so he decided he might as well whip up a quick breakfast before it was time to head out for the day.

He knew from experience that the kitchen was a safe distance from the bedrooms, so if he kept the radio low enough, he would be able to play music without waking anyone else up.

The process of frying bacon and cooking scrambled eggs had become so routine for Lance, he could perform the tasks almost without thinking – and that left him room to dance around the kitchen, using his spatula as a pretend microphone as he mouthed the words to the song currently floating from the speakers.

In the middle of a particularly dramatic and exaggerated twirl, he spun towards the doorway – and noticed he was not alone.

It was not the first time Keith had caught him performing to an imaginary audience, so Lance didn’t feel the slightest bit of embarrassment. Even less so, from the way Keith was watching him – leaning against the doorframe, arms folded across his chest and an amused look on his face. Something deep and fierce bloomed in Lance’s chest as he realized Keith was still wearing the sweatpants and tanktop he had leant him for the night.

Grinning, he sauntered over to the doorway – dropping into a deep, dramatic bow before standing back up and holding out his free hand.

“Good sir,” he quipped. “I believe it’s only fair for you to allow me to sweep you off your feet.”

Keith chuckled, his voice thick with sarcasm. “I don’t know. Those were some serious moves. How could I possibly keep up with that?”

Lance couldn’t help but wink. “Something tells me you’re a fast learner. And I am an excellent teacher.”

After a second’s hesitation, Keith reached out and took the offered hand. Lance spun him out, then tugged him back in until they were face to face.

“Just follow my lead,” he teased. “And see if you can keep up.” He tossed the spatula in the direction of the sink – grinning triumphantly as it found it’s mark. Placing one hand on Keith’s waist, he let the fingers of his other hand slide around Keith’s.

Keith’s free hand came to rest on Lance’s shoulder. “Your eggs are going to burn.”

It was said as a joke, but they were so close right now. Keith still looked a little rumpled from sleep, and Lance was holding him in his arms as soft music played in the background. “Let them burn.”

The look Keith gave him made Lance want to step forward – to run his fingers down the side of Keith’s face and press his lips –

“What a waste of good food.”

Lance rolled his eyes. “I live on a farm. With a chicken coop. We have plenty of eggs.”

“Ok. Fair.”

They lapsed into a comfortable silence as Lance casually guided Keith around the room, maneuvering around the kitchen table with ease.

“Is this a slow dance?”

The question was so unexpected, Lance raised an eyebrow, his feet coming to a halt. “What?”

“A slow dance,” Keith repeated. “I’ve never been to a dance or a prom or anything, so –“

“That was a sad excuse for a waltz.” Lance raised one eyebrow. “But oh, please – allow me to show you a slow dance.”

Keith gave him an expression that said _go ahead_ , and Lance took a step back. He held up one finger and stepped quickly over to the stove because the eggs were burning, now, and he didn’t want any distractions. A smoke alarm would be very distracting – as would the reprimands from his parents that would follow such a disturbance.

“Okay.” He said, coming to stand directly in front of Keith. “Now, since you’ve never been to a dance before, you should get the real experience.” He paused for dramatic effect. “Keith, let me show you the wonderful world of slow dancing like a teenager.” He stretched his arms out at their full length so they just barely grasped Keith’s waist. “Now, put your hands on my shoulders. No – you stay right there. We have to remain as far away as humanly possible from each other. And now…we sway.”

Lance shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Keith raised an eyebrow as he began to follow along. After a moment he gave Lance a disappointed look.

“If this is it, I’m suddenly glad I never went to a dance. What’s the point of this?”

Lance grinned at him. “The point is this is how you start slow dancing when you’re a kid and you don’t know what to do with your hands.” Gently – carefully – he pulled Keith forward until their bodies were just barely pressed together. “It gets better as you get older.”

“I still don’t know what to do with my hands.”

Lance chuckled softly. “Slow dancing is basically like a hug where you shuffle around and rock side to side. There’s no specific thing you do with your hands. Just whatever feels natural.”

“Basically a hug, huh?” Keith seemed to consider that for a moment. Then his arms slid up to wrap around Lance’s neck, as he leaned forward.

 

 

They were so close, now. Lance’s cheek was pressed to the side of Keith’s head and their bodies gently swayed to a rhythm that was more about the two of them and less about the actual song playing.

Lance wanted to run his fingers through Keith’s hair – smoothing it down and combing out the tangles from sleep. He wanted to tilt his head down and press a soft kiss to Keith’s temple, letting his lips linger long enough so Keith would understand it meant something more.

He wanted this moment to last forever.

 

“Did you make enough food for everyone?”

Both Lance and Keith started at the unexpected question from the doorway. They sprang apart, whipping around in unison to see Luis lounging against the doorframe. His expression was a poorly concealed mask of innocence.

He looked between the two of them for a moment before sighing and walking past them to the stove.

“Oh man. Your eggs are ruined.” Luis surveyed the pan in disappointment before picking up the paper towel Lance had used to dry the bacon. “Oh well. These are mine, now. Thanks!”

“Hey!” Lance shook off his stupor, swiping a hand towards his brother as Luis sidestepped out of his reach. “I put a lot of effort into that bacon, I’ll have you know! You’re a thief and I will report you to the authorities!”

“Don’t blame me. You had plenty of time to eat it yourself. You snooze you lose!” With a grin and a mock salute, Luis escaped out the kitchen doorway with his prize.

Lance placed both hands on his hips and glowered at the place Luis had just been. “Man,” he grumbled, more to himself than Keith. “I really wanted that bacon.” His head snapped around then, fixing Keith with a pointed look. “Okay, here’s the deal. Since my dancing lessons have not only turned you into an expert slow dancer, but also cost me my breakfast, I’ve decided I will have to charge you a fee.”

Keith’s only response was to fold his arms across his chest and fix Lance with the most unimpressed look he could muster.

Lance shook his head, batting a hand through the air. “No, no, no…You can’t get out of this. You owe be a debt, man, and I think I know the perfect way for you to pay it.”

Keith’s lips curved up in the smallest smirk. “You want me to finally teach you how to do that flying kick I learned from the Blades?”

“No, I – wait.” Lance narrowed his eyes, leaning forward as he scrutinized Keith’s face. “Okay, that’s tempting I admit. But no.” He shook off the thought of Keith practicing his fighting moves on the front lawn. “Here’s what you’re going to do. You are going to have my mom teach you to make garlic knots exactly the way she makes them. And I mean _exactly_. Then, once you have mastered the recipe you are going to supply me with an endless supply of carby goodness for the rest of my life.”

“That seems like the payment doesn’t really match the lesson.”

“Hey, I taught you skills you will be able to apply at every wedding or social event you attend from now on. One lifelong debt merits another, wouldn’t you agree?”

Keith’s eyes met his and held. “Fine. I’ll even make sure to inform all my future dance partners where I learned my amazing skills from.”

Lance’s face broke out into a full grin as he clapped Keith on the shoulder. “Perfect! Now, I’m still hungry, so how about some more bacon before dad wakes up?”

 

 

 

The days stetched into one week, and then another – and Keith did not bring up the idea of leaving to return to his sad, lonely studio apartment.

He still had bad moments.

He still flinched away from unexpected touches.

He still woke from nightmares and had nights of little to no sleep.

His attention would still drift inwards – his expression turning blank and hard as he relived the horrors he had faced on Zaleer.

 

But whenever his body went into defensive mode, Lance was there to impose himself between Keith and the perceived threat.

He was there to slip into Keith’s room at night; to stay up talking for hours in an effort to distract from the memories. He was there to slip an arm around Keith’s shoulders – to pull him close and whisper words of comfort into his hair. He was there to hold him until the shaking stopped.

Keith never flinched away from Lance’s touch, but every so often a change would come over him. Everything would be going well and then something would be said or done that triggered a memory within his mind.

His face would slip past the blank expression into something riddled with guilt and agony and hopelessness.

He would look at Lance like something he was getting ready to let go, and whisper _I’m sorry_.

He never explained what he was apologizing for, and after a while Lance stopped asking.

But it hurt.

It hurt more than if Keith had flinched away from him.

It hurt more than any of the times Lance had had to watch Keith walk away.

It hurt because it wasn’t Keith’s body involuntarily reacting to a perceived threat. It was something specifically to do with Lance – and whatever it was seemed to be something so terrible, he physically could not bring himself to say it out loud.

It was something Keith felt he needed to keep apologizing for, even though Lance was _certain_ whatever happened had not been any fault of Keith’s.

It hurt because it was unmistakably clear it hurt Keith every time the memory resurfaced.

And every time he whispered the words, Lance’s heart broke a little more.

 

 

 

Realistically, Lance knew Keith would not be staying with them indefinitely, but he had allowed himself to hope.

Or at least he had allowed himself to go into full-blown denial and just ignore the fact that one day Keith would leave.

It was nearing the end of the third week when reality came marching back into Lance’s life.

 

It was noon when he and Keith returned from an errand run into the nearest town. Lance headed inside first, carrying half the bags – walking into the kitchen to see his parents seated at the table with guests.

He had a second to take in the sight of Krolia and Kolivan hunched over the McClains’ table that was just a bit too small for them. He had one more second to drop the bags before his arms were full of a teleporting wolf who launched himself at Lance, bowling him over and licking his face.

The sound of the front door opening and closing drew Kosmo’s attention away from the boy currently beneath his paws.

Keith stepped into the doorway and everything went still. Keith’s eyes were wide as he stared at his mother and Kolivan. Slowly, the bags he was carrying slid from his grasp, thudding to the floor.

Then Kosmo was moving. He didn’t launch himself at Keith, as he had with Lance. He moved slowly – a soft, forlorn whine sounding from his throat. When he stood in front of Keith he carefully raised himself up on his hind legs, putting his front paws on Keith’s shoulders with surprising gentleness. The wolf simply looked into Keith’s face for a moment before whining again and leaning forward to nuzzle his nose against Keith’s cheek.

Lance was back on his feet by then, watching the odd display.

The smile Keith gave the wolf was sad and understanding. He reached up to ruffle the fur of Kosmo’s cheeks. “I know,” he whispered. “I know, bud. But I’m okay. Everything is okay now.”

Kosmo whined again, softly, and licked his face.

 

_I’m sorry_ , his actions said. _I love you. I missed you. You scared me._

 

Attention was drawn back into the kitchen as Krolia stood, her chair creaking.

Kosmo let his paws drop back to the floor, turning so he was positioned at Keith’s side.

For a moment, Keith wouldn’t look at his mother. When he finally raised his head, his features were set in a stoic mask.

“Krolia – Kolivan,” he began, his tone all business. “I know you’ve heard some things, but I promise it won’t effect my position with the Blade. I just need a little time and then I will return to my missions. You do not have to –“

“Stop.” Krolia’s voice was sharp, and Lance saw Keith flinch. Before he could move to stand beside his friend, Krolia’s tall, straight posture wavered.

“Keith –“ Her voice was suddenly thin; her eyes holding more emotion than Lance had ever seen. She took one halting step around the table. “You’re my son. My only son. You are the most precious thing in this universe to me.” For one terrifying moment, Lance thought she was about to start crying. Instead, she drew in one long breath, her face settling into something hard and determined. “I don’t want you going back to the Blade, Keith.”

Lance’s mouth fell open. He looked from Krolia to an equally shaken Keith, then helplessly at his parents. They shared a look, silently asking if it would be ruder for them to leave or to stay for whatever was to come next.

“No. _No_ , it’s all I have.”

The moment Keith spoke, leaving the kitchen no longer became an option for Lance.

“Keith, you don’t –“

“No!” Keith didn’t even try to hide the desperation in his voice. “I’ve put so much time and effort and so – _so much_ of myself into the Blade. I’m telling you I’m fine. I can still do this.”

Anger lit up Krolia’s eyes. “Keith. You saved the universe. You put all of yourself into a war you had nothing to do with. You’ve done so much to help your world and other planets heal and repair themselves after the destruction of Zarkon and the Galra empire.” She took another step forward, her voice rising. “And do you know what that mission report said – the one from Morath where you were captured? ‘ _One member of Blade team MIA, presumed deceased_.’” She shook her head in disgust. “We’ve worked so hard – you have worked so hard – to try and change the way we operate, and still that’s all you were to them in the end.”

“That _is_ all I am!”

Lance hated when Keith got angry. His default state of being was generally grumpy and reserved, but in actuality, it was rare for him to actually be mad. It had only happened several times in the years they had known each other – and every time it happened, it scared Lance.

“There’s no more Voltron. There’s no more team. There’s no more war!” Keith slashed a hand through the air. “Nothing matters anymore! I have to do this. I have to still be able to do this. I need something to make me feel useful. I need to know that I’m not – I’m not wasting my second chance.”

Lance didn’t know how to feel. His heart was racing, as happened when anyone argued around him. But the things Keith was saying made him nervous in a way he couldn’t fathom.

The finger Krolia pointed at her son’s face was an accusation. “The Blade did that to you, too. The Blade almost cost you everything. We almost never met, Keith!”

“Mom –“

“You say it’s over, but something like that stays with you. Something like that comes from somewhere, and it doesn’t just vanish after one incident!” Her eyes were blazing, and the family resemblence was clear in that moment: Once they got started on something, there was no giving up. Her gaze flicked to the McClains, who watched cautiously from their seats at the table, before it swung around to land on Lance. “Do they know?”

“ _Mom_ …”

“They treated you as family. They care for you.” She had captivated the room – taken over and had them all hanging on her every word. “Have you told Lance? Have you told anyone? Would you have ever even told me if I hadn’t seen it in the Quantum Abyss?”

Keith set his jaw, but there was fear in his eyes. “There’s nothing to tell. Everyone has their own problems. I’ve always dealt with mine on my own.”

The anger drained from Krolia then, seeping away to dissipate into the air. “You have to talk to people, Keith,” she murmured, sad and quiet. “You’re not dealing with it, you’re just denying it. You have to accept it and admit it before you can move on.”

“When Keith joined the Blade, it was at a desperate time.” Kolivan usually only spoke if absolutely necessary, so his intervention now took everyone by surprise. “We were of one mindset: Win the war, defeat the enemy. The individual is not important. The mission is all that matters.” He gave a slow shake of his head. “If I have one regret it was that at the time I let our one goal cloud by judgement and my sight.” He raised his head, scanning the faces who watched him around the room. “If I had been more aware, I would have noticed just how…young you all were. So young and impressionable and…not like us.”

Lance felt his heart sinking because there was only one way this conversation was going, and he willed it to go anywhere else. The room seemed to be shrinking around him as Kolivan continued, setting the scene of their battle at Naxzella for his parents; spelling out a side of this story Lance had never heard before.

“I was approached by one of the rebels after the battle. He informed me of what had occurred, and I admit I was proud. We had trained Keith right, I thought. He was finally beginning to understand.” Kolivan was looking at Keith as he spoke. “I will never forget the look your rebel friend gave me after I expressed my feelings to him. _You think Voltron will still work with you if Keith dies and you brush it off like it’s nothing?_ He asked me before walking away. That is what I would have done. It would have been just another lost Blade, doing his duty. Just another casualty of war.” Lance felt himself suddenly caught in the yellow stare of the large Galra. “You see, in that moment when the rebels’ weapons were useless and Voltron was too far away, Keith made the decision to fly his ship into the cruiser – to break through the shield and disrupt Haggar’s connection to Naxzella. It was tactical. It would have worked. His life would have ended that day, and we would have praised him briefly as the hero of the battle before moving on to the next fight.” Kolivan tilted his head, his mouth pulling taught in what might have been a sad smile. “But that face you are making right now…” he said, nodding his head in Lance’s direction. “That horror and anger and…heartbreak. That is what we never considered. That is what we are working to change, now, within our organization.”

Krolia’s arms were folded across her chest. “But we still have a long way to go. And the fact that you called yourself just another expendable Blade member a moment ago means you are not in the right mindset to return at the present time.”

Lance felt like his ribs were squeezing his lungs until he wasn’t sure he was even breathing anymore.

“How close were you?” It took him a moment to realize he had been the one who had spoken.

Keith pressed his lips together, giving a small shake of his head as if he was still dismissing it. As if after all this time he still thought of himself as –

“How close were you to the shield?” Lance demanded. “How close were you to killing yourself in that battle?”

Keith held his gaze, and for a moment Lance thought he wasn’t going to answer. Then, quietly – “I don’t know. Feet? Yards? My eyes were closed.”

And Lance…stared at him, because there were no words to express what he was feeling in that moment.

 

Betrayal that Keith had never told him.

Guilt that he had never known.

Terror at the realization of just how many times he had been so close to losing his friend.

Shame over how selfish he felt as he recalled all the times Keith had been there for him to encourage and build him up – and all along Keith was the one who had needed someone to be there.

 

_You weren’t there,_ his mind reminded him.

Why had it taken him so long to figure this out?

 

“I’m telling you, it doesn’t matter.“ Keith’s voice was firm, but Lance couldn’t look at him anymore. “It was so long ago. I’ve moved on.” Out of his peripherals, Lance saw Keith turn back to face Krolia. “Please…I need to do this. I need something. Please don’t take this away from me.”

“Keith –“ Krolia was pleading, now, her voice soft and earnest. “You were captured. You were tortured. You would have died if your team had not shown up to rescue you. Not your squad. Not the Blades. Your team. Your friends.” She held up a hand to stop his next words before he could speak them. “I know you think by saying this, it means I think you are weak, but that is not it at all. You are my son. I know how strong you are. I know how capable you are. But you can’t do everything alone. Sometimes you have to let someone else take care of you. Sometimes you have to let yourself go and trust the people around you before you destroy yourself.” Her voice did not waver, but Lance was shocked to see tears glistening in her eyes. “I wasn’t there for you. I know that. I missed so much; you endured so much, and I wasn’t there. Please let me be here, now. Please let me help you. Please let me show you how much I care about you. Because I do. I know I wasn’t there, but I am here with you, now, and I am not leaving.” She blinked, and the tears that had been clinging to her lashes fell, sliding down her cheeks. “I love you, Keith. You are my whole world. And I wasn’t there…”

Silence filled the kitchen as her voice trailed off. Lance wasn’t sure if anyone was even breathing. His gaze was fixed on Keith, and he saw the moment his friend’s bottom lip began to tremble.

“ _Mom_.” Keith was eight years old when he said that; the whimper of a child crying out for help because for the first time in his life, someone was there to listen.

Krolia crossed the room in two strides, scooping him up into her arms. Keith’s face was buried in her shoulder – his broken sob getting muffled by the fabric of her Blade uniform.

 

And Lance had to leave the room.

 

Because he felt selfish.

Because he felt like a bad friend.

Because there was too much loneliness and heartbreak and fear Keith had been suppressing all his life…and Lance had never asked. Keith had always seemed so together. He always seemed so strong and brave – and Lance had leaned on him. He had shed the tough skin he had built up around himself and let Keith see his own true pain.

But not once had he offered to do the same in return.

 

 

 

He blindly stumbled out of the house and onto the front porch, falling against the beam and wrapping his arms around it for support. He needed something to hold onto in that moment.

He didn’t hear the door softly open; didn’t hear the footsteps padding across the porch. He didn’t know he wasn’t alone until there was a gentle hand on his back.

His mother’s face crumpled with sympathy as he turned to look at her. One of her hands raised up to brush across his cheek – and Lance realized he was crying.

Once that realization sunk in, he couldn’t stop.

“I’ve been so selfish, Mama.” It was a code – a name he only called her when he really, truly needed her.

“Why do you say that, mijo?” Her hand was softly stroking up and down his arm, her touch warm and comforting and reassuring.

“All this time he –“ It was getting more and more difficult for Lance to get the words out. “H-he was helping me. He was there for me. No – no matter what…” His words dissolved into a shaky sob as he wrapped his arms around himself. “And he never s-said anything. He never told me –“ His body was collapsing in on itself, and his mother took a step forward, wrapping him in her arms like he was a little kid again. “I know we were at war,” he choked out. “I know it was dangerous, but this – this is different, and I never…” His hands were grabbing tightly to her sweater, now, clinging to her like she was the only thing keeping him safe and grounded. “I’ve almost lost him so many times, and if…if he had died back then I never would have…I never…”

“Oh, Lance, I know.” His mother’s hand stroked his hair, her voice sympathetic and gentle. “I know. And I promise you no one else thinks of you as selfish. Everyone deals with problems in different ways. Everyone deals with heartbreak at their own pace, and it is never wrong to rely on others if help is offered.”

He let her words settle in and spread to all the corners of his heart until he was finally ready to stand up straight, his tears drying on his cheeks.

He inhaled deeply, letting the air out on a shaky sigh as he pulled the collar of his shirt up to scrub at his face. His mother stepped beside him, leaning back against the porch railing. She wrapped one arm around his shoulders and he leaned his head down to rest against hers.

“I am so proud of you, Lance,” she said quietly. “You have done amazing things…but that doesn’t change the fact that you all should have been worrying about things like grades and tests and school dances. Not life and death. Not war. Not aliens. Not whether or not your life was less important than a mission.”

“I wouldn’t change it,” he whispered. “Not one minute of it.”

“Tell me why, mijo.”

Lance’s response to her previous statement had been automatic; instinctual. Now, he paused, considering the reasons behind his words.

“Because being together made us all better,” he said finally, letting his heart carry his words. “Because we saw the stars and we visited worlds and cultures and people that made every possibility seem real. Because no matter how bad things got, we had each other. No matter how dark things seemed, we were still able to laugh and have fun – and it helped us learn who we truly are.” He looked at her, his eyes wide in understanding. “I lost that for a while. I thought everything I was depended on the fact that Allura chose to sacrifice herself to save the universe. I thought I was nothing because she was gone.”

“And now?” his mother prompted.

“Now,” he said slowly. “I know I am more than that. I know my happiness and self-worth isn’t based on someone else’s actions. I know that I still have something to offer the world.”

“You have so much to offer,” his mother confirmed. “You spent so much of your life trying to catch up. You thought you were slow, and you told me you were not smart, but it only meant that you learn at a different pace than the people you were comparing yourself to. You spent so much time trying to be something more – trying to grow up so fast – and I think you are finally learning to slow down and settle into who you actually are.” She gave him a little squeeze. “You may take a while to get to where you are going…but you always get there eventually.”

 

_Do you have a word for how much you care about him?_

 

The thought entered Lance’s head unprompted, and he raised his head, feeling his cheeks heating up.

There was a pause and then his mother’s voice came again. “I take it you have recently reached a particular conclusion that you feel you should have come to years ago?”

Lance opened his mouth to protest, but then remembered the conversation from several nights ago. “Did…did dad talk to you?”

“Your father and I have no secrets from each other.”

Lance shot her a pitiful look and she answered it with a smile. “We always had our suspicions, but we didn’t want to press the matter. If I have learned anything about being your mother it’s that you do things when you are ready and not a second sooner. And if you do things you did not believe you could do, it means you have always been ready.”

The door opened before Lance could respond, and both he and his mother turned to see Krolia and Keith silhouetted in the doorway.

“I want to thank you,” Krolia said. “You have been a family to Keith in the times I was unable to be. If there is anything we can ever do to repay you, we –“

Lance’s mother stepped forward, waving that thought off before it could be completed. “When it comes to family, there is no need for payment of any kind.” She turned a warm smile on Keith for a moment before glancing up at Krolia once again. “I take it, you will all be departing soon?”

“Yes. We will be –”

The rest of Krolia’s response was lost to Lance as the news sunk in. He had always known it would happen. He had known that when Krolia returned, Keith would leave with her – but now that it was a reality, he didn’t want it.

“Lance? Can you help me pack?”

He turned his eyes to Keith, not trying to mask any of the emotions on his face and nodded. Without a word, the two of them left the porch and made their way to the guest room.

Somehow it felt more final than all the other times Keith had stayed with them; all the other times he had packed up and said goodbye – leaving for a mission or just heading back to his apartment.

They remained in silence as Keith went about shoving his meager belongings into a dufflebag while Lance hung back, leaning against the doorframe. Once the bag was zipped up, Keith tossed it on the bed and sighed. Only then did he turn to Lance.

He opened his mouth to say something – but there was no need for words, now.

Lance crossed the space between them, pulling Keith into a hug that he hoped conveyed everything he couldn’t say out loud.

From the shuddering breath Keith let out and the way he pressed his face into the spot between Lance’s neck and shoulder, he believed the message had been received.

It was Keith who broke the silence, his voice muffled in Lance’s shirt. “I didn’t want anyone to know. It was stupid – and I realized just how stupid it was the minute Lotor showed up and that shield exploded in front of me. So I never said anything because I was ashamed – and I knew if I brought it up, people would just worry about my mental state. They would start treating me like I was a risk to myself, and I didn’t want to be seen as something fragile.” He drew away just far enough to fix his eyes on Lance in the dim light of the hallway filtering into the room. “I know a bunch of terrible things have happened after that moment in my life, but…I like to think the good moments make up for it.”

And Lance almost leaned forward; almost made his feelings absolutely and undoubtedly clear.

 

But he knew Keith would have taken his actions as pity.

 

So, instead, he smiled. “There was a time when I thought you were perfect and could never do anything stupid if you tried. Man, was I wrong.”

A faint grinned pulled at Keith’s mouth. “That makes you an idiot as well.”

“Just a couple of morons,” Lance agreed. “Crying to their moms.”

“A step up from crying in a hospital bed,” Keith remarked, stepping away from Lance and picking up his bag. “What’s next? Crying to a stranger at the market?”

That made Lance laugh outright. “’What’s wrong, sir, are you all right?’” He switched his voice from concerned cashier to a fake sob. “’I just have so many feelings!’”

Keith chuckled softly as he stepped past Lance and headed for the door, the duffle bag slung over his shoulder.

“Hey, man –“

Keith paused in the doorway, turning back to cast a look over his shoulder.

“You know I want you to stay, right?” Somewhere in the back of his mind, Lance thought his heart should have been racing to admit that so bluntly. His palms should have been sweaty, and he should have brushed it off as a joke like he normally did. But he held his ground and faced the truth, letting the words linger in the air with no follow up.

Keith gave him a long, unreadable look. “That means more to me than you know,” was all he whispered before slipping around the doorframe and disappearing from view.

And Lance’s chest felt lighter than before – because it felt less like a goodbye, now.

It felt more like a beginning.

 

 

 

The days dragged on as everything shifted back into a pattern of normalcy.

Nadia asked about Keith.

Lance helped out on the farm, falling back into his normal sleep pattern.

He helped his family cook and clean and run errands.

Axca came to visit, and the only change was that instead of the two of them avoiding one another, they were often found sharing a coffee on the porch or gathering eggs from the chicken coup. Lance showed her action movies, and she taught him fighting moves in the back yard.

His siblings teased him and told stories of their daily lives and jobs.

He shared tea with his parents after dinner.

 

It was the life he had wanted – quiet and calm and serene and predictable.

But as the days turned into weeks, and the weeks became one month, he was coming to accept that it might not be what he wanted anymore.

 

 

 

Lance was lounging on the couch one evening after dinner, the sounds of Luis and Rachel washing dishes in the kitchen behind him, when the shrill ringing of his phone drew Lance’s attention away from the TV. He answered it without looking at the caller ID, barely getting through a greeting when the person on the other end was speaking.

“Is he with you?”

Lance frowned, trying to decipher the speaker by their voice. “What?”

“Lance, is he with you? Please tell me he is at your house right now.”

Lance’s frown deepened because it was Krolia, and she had never called him before.

And then her words registered.

“N-no.” He was on his feet, scrambling up from the couch. “No, he’s not. What – what’s going on? What’s wrong?”

He heard Krolia snap something sharp and Galran on the other end of the phone.

Lance’s heart was beating wildly, now – pacing in restless, haphazard circles around the room. “Krolia!” he barked into the phone. “What happened?” Under normal circumstances, he would have never used that tone with her, but this was not the time to be exercising the utmost politeness.

He was expecting a shout or a reprimand in response, but she only sighed. “I don’t know. I came home and he was gone, along with Kosmo. All that was left was a note on the table saying –“ he heard shuffling in the background. “ _’Mom, I don’t want you to worry. I just need some air._ ’” She sighed again, this time more like a groan. When she spoke, she sounded exhausted. “It has been vargas, and he isn’t back. I thought he was with you, but…”

“Hey.” Lance made sure to keep his voice calm. If he knew one thing from experience, it was that in a situation like this, at least one person had to stay in control and keep a level head. “You said Kosmo is gone, too? That means they are together. There’s no way that wolf would let anything happen to Keith. You know that. So he must be –“

Lance started in surprise as a sharp bark sounded from outside the house.

“Was that –?” Krolia asked.

“Yeah.” Lance was already running toward the front door. “Hang on.”

He flung the door open – only to see Kosmo standing alone with his front paws propped agains the bottom step leading up to the porch.

“It’s just Kosmo,” Lance said into the phone hurriedly. “I’m going to hang up, now. I’ll let you know when I find him.” He didn’t wait for her to respond – already dashing out the door and down the steps. “Where is he, bud?” he asked the wolf, winding his fingers in the long, blue fur. “Take me to him.”

 

 

 

The moment Kosmo had dropped him off, Lance knew where he was – and his bare feet were flying across the sandy wooden planks that formed a pathway through the dunes to the beach.

_He wouldn’t do anything stupid,_ he tried to reason with his own fear as he ran. _He’s not like me._

He crested the top of the hill, the full view of the moonswept ocean spreading out before him. Stark shadows riddled the pits and ridges in the sand, and there, down by the water’s edge, he saw a figure.

His phone was still in his hand, and he had the presence of mind to send a brief message to Krolia before he was hurtling down the hill and running across the uneven beach.

 

_I found him._

 

“Keith!”

The figure by the shore barely turned, as if he had been expecting that particular voice to shout his name.

Lance splashed into the retreating waves that ebbed around Keith’s ankles. He was panting hard from running and from the nervous energy coursing through him.

“H-hey!” he gasped. “I found you.”

Keith’s hair lifted softly in the ocean breeze, swirling around his face.

“Your mom –” Lance was slowly catching his breath. “Krolia called me. She said you disappeared.”

“I left a note.”

Lance hated how lifeless Keith’s voice sounded. He hated the blank look on his face. “Yeah, hours ago apparently. Are you okay?”

Keith gave a little shrug, his gaze trained out over the moonlit ocean. “I just needed air.”

Lance spread his arms out in a sweeping motion. “Well you’ve got it. Is it helping?”

“No.”

“Keith –“

“I’m sorry, Lance.”

It was that apology again. The specific apology for something Lance didn’t understand.

He took Keith by the shoulders and made him turn so they were facing one other.

“Do you remember the last time we were here at night?” he asked. “Do you remember what you said to me all those years ago?”

“Probably something stupid.”

“No, you – well one thing was, if I’m being honest, because you told me to punch you in the face – so, yeah, that was pretty stupid.” Lance shook himself out of the sidetrack. “But no. No, you told me you’re my guy for whatever I needed. You told me if I got to close to the edge, you would pull me back.”

Keith’s face was still blank, but Lance could tell he was listening.

“It’s my turn, now.” Lance took a step closer until there was only about a foot of space between them. “I’m your guy, and right now, Keith…you’re too close to the edge.”

A sad smile twisted Keith’s lips. “It’s different.”

Lance shook his head firmly. “I don’t think it is.”

“No, when I said that, I…” Keith closed his eyes for a moment, breathing in. When he opened them again, it took him a moment to drag his gaze back up to meet Lance’s. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Everything you do matters.” When Keith only scoffed, Lance pressed firmly on, driving his point home. “Everything you do matters _to me_. You matter to me.”

Realization was slow to dawn on Keith’s face, but when it did, a spark of life seemed to return to his features.

“Am I –” he asked carefully. “Am I hurting you right now?”

Lance could have lied. He could have said anything to spare Keith’s feelings, but he had never been good at that; not when it mattered. “Yes.”

And that seemed to do the trick.

Beneath Lance’s hands, he felt Keith’s posture straighten as emotion returned to his eyes. “I don’t mean to hurt you,” he whispered – his voice barely audible above the waves. “I don’t want…”

“I know you don’t.”

They were silent for a moment longer until Keith gave him an imploring look.

“I don’t want to go home yet,” he admitted.

“You do remember that the beach is one of my favorite places in the world, right? We can stay here as long as you need.” Lance flashed Keith a smile, giving him a quick pat on his shoulder before jerking one thumb further up the beach. “Plus, I don’t think you’ve ever watched a sunrise over the ocean and you’re missing out.”

 

 

The only sound was the quiet swish of the waves as they broke on the sand. The sky was so clear that night, Lance found himself searching for the constellations he had learned as a kid when he knew he wanted to travel out beyond his tiny, blue planet.

“Do you ever think about everything we’ve done?”

He didn’t turn at Keith’s quiet question. “Not really,” he admitted. “It’s just life, I guess, and ours turned out to be a little more exciting than most.”

Keith was quiet for a moment, then he continued. “I think about it sometimes. I think about fate and destiny. I think about how we all came together and all we accomplished. But mostly I think about how different my life would have been if none of this had ever happened.”

Lance did turn his head, then, looking at Keith’s profile bathed softly in moonlight. “You would have never met your mom,” he said. “You wouldn’t even know you’re not fully human.” He considered it for a second, then amended his statement. “Actually, no. I take that back. Eventually something would have set you off, and you would have gone all Galra on some poor unsuspecting dude picking a fight in a bar or something – and then you would probably have been swarmed by government agents who dragged you off to Area 51 where they did weird experiments on you to try to figure you out.” He grinned at Keith, then, even though he was not looking in Lance’s direction. “And _then_ , they would have called in the big guns. That’s me, by the way, because I would totally have become some top-ranking official at the Garrison who knew all the secrets. And that’s how we would have met.”

Keith chuckled softly. “A top-ranking official, huh? Your life would be pretty good if Voltron had never happened.”

And just like that, Lance felt his heart drop. He rolled over, propping himself up on his elbows as he faced Keith, his face serious. “Hey, maybe that would be the case, but you have to know I don’t regret a single minute of any of this.”

Keith’s voice held poorly concealed bitterness. “Really? Not a single minute? If we had never found the Blue Lion – if we had never found Voltron – you’re right. You probably would have an amazing job, because people would have eventually recognized how impressive you really are. You probably would be happy, and married to a beautiful woman, with a huge, loving family.” His voice dropped to a raspy whisper. “You wouldn’t be lying on this beach with me because I can’t deal with my own feelings.”

Lance let his heart break for just one moment before he swept up the pieces and started painstakingly gluing them back together. “Nope. I think you’re wrong. You wanna know why?” He reached out and poked Keith’s shoulder – and finally Keith turned to look at him. “Because I told you…I would have been called into this secret government facility where I would have met this weird, mulleted, possibly purple half alien dude. We would have argued and bickered at first – I probably would have asked him to learn the most basic things, like, I don’t know, a team cheer or something. Whatever. But eventually, without either of us realizing it, we would have become friends. I think we would have become such good friends that one night I would have said to hell with my responsibilities, and broken you out – and we would have spent the rest of our lives on the run from the government.”

The remaining shattered pieces of Lance’s heart were all pulled back into place – the organ becoming whole and alive again as Keith unexpectedly rolled over onto his stomach and placed his hand softly over Lance’s.

“Thank you.”

Lance wanted to press on; to say everything that had been on his mind…but Keith spoke before he had the chance.

“You’ve been so incredibly good to me, and I don’t want to ruin it, but I need to ask you something.”

Lance was sure Keith could feel his hand shaking and the sweat forming on his palm. “Y-yeah? What is it?”

“I…want to tell you what happened.” There was a pause as Keith drew in a breath, removing his hand. “I’ve been trying to process it all on my own – honestly I’ve been trying to forget – but I don’t think I can move past this if I keep it all inside. Not this time.” He dropped his chin to rest on his arms and mumbled, “But I know what I’m asking of you, so please tell me if it’s too much.”

Lance wanted to reach out and touch Keith – to put a hand on his shoulder, to entwine their fingers, to brush the hair out of his face – and he would have done it, if not for how incredibly inappropriate it felt given the subject that was on Keith’s mind. He dug his fingers into the sand instead. “You…trust me enough to talk about this? I’m not…I’ve never…I mean I don’t have experience talking these things through, and I’m sure there are people far better suited –“

“I want you.”

Those three little words drove all the breath from Lance’s lungs.

“I know I could talk to a professional. I know I could talk to Shiro or my mom and they would be able to comfort me and give me advice…but I’m not looking for any of that.” He cast Lance a quick sidelong glance. “I just want to talk. I don’t want you to try to fix anything because it’s not your problem to fix. I know that you will just hear me out, and if you say anything afterwards it will be the right thing.”

“You don’t know –“

“Yes I do. It’s what you do. But I don’t want to do this if you are not comfortable with it.”

Lance’s finger was tracing small circular patterns in the sand as he processed the request. “I’m not going to lie to you, Keith,” he said finally. “I never wanted to hear what really happened to you – but that’s because I wish it had never happened. I wanted to be the big fucking hero who swooped in at the last minute and saved you before anything could happen, but I didn’t. I failed you, and that’s why I never wanted to know. But…” he added. “I think that’s also why I should know. Just don’t judge me if I get emotional.”

“I won’t judge you if…you don’t judge me.”

“You’ve got a deal.”

Both of them were quiet for some time after that. Lance tried to prepare himself for what he was about to hear, and he suspected Keith was trying to psyche himself up to actually put it into words.

When he finally began to speak, Lance listened.

 

“I only have hazy memories of being captured. I think I was injured and they healed me. What I do remember is that no one would tell me anything, no matter how many times I asked. No one would talk to me; no one would look at me except to leer. They dressed me in that loincloth and bound my wrists and marched me out onto that platform, and…I thought I was going to fight. I thought they would throw me in the arena – and that would have been fine. Everything would have been fine – but then they called me a _prize_ …and I knew.”

Lance listened, trying to breath evenly.

“I’ve never been scared like that before. I’ve had people hate me. I’ve been bullied and attacked, but this was…” The breath Keith let out was shaky. “They were going to hurt me, and they were going to enjoy every minute of it. I knew that, but I still held onto some slim hope that I could escape; I could fight them off and get out…and then they took me to the room and…” Keith bowed his head. “There were eight of them, there, waiting for me, and that’s when I knew there was nothing I could do.”

Lance listened as anger coiled in his chest.

“I still tried, though. I tried to fight; I tried to get away, but they held me down and stripped me, and…and after a while I reached a point where I accepted that my only option was to just wait it out. It was like everything I thought I was had been stripped away and all that was left was helplessness. I wasn’t a paladin. I wasn’t a fighter. I wasn’t a survivor. I was helpless and alone, and I was going to die in that room – on that night or one of the nights to follow.”

Lance listened as his body began to shake and tears choked his throat.

“But that wasn’t even the worst part. Most of them were rough and violent. They wanted me to know how little and insignificant and powerless I was, and that was something I could endure until the time was up. I know I blacked out a couple times. I vaguely remember at one point they had to stop and give me water, and I remember one of them saying they weren’t actually supposed to kill me which gave me a tiny bit of hope that maybe I could actually survive this long enough to come up with an escape plan. And that’s when one of them started being gentle.” Keith’s eyes were focused so hard on the sand in front of him, Lance thought he might set it on fire with the intensity of his gaze. “I was struggling to stay awake when one of them took me in his arms. He kissed me and stroked my hair. He brought me back to consciousness. He let me catch my breath. He gave me hope that someone understood how wrong this was…and then he took his turn. But he was still gentle. He covered my eyes and whispered in my ear that everything was going to be okay. He gave me compliments and told me how much he was enjoying this. Then he told me to think about someone I loved. He told me to imagine their hands on me – their lips on mine – their voice in my ear. And I was so desperate for anything other than pain that I…did what he asked. And it was the worst experience of my life because I…enjoyed it.” Lance watched as a tear slid down his cheek before dropping into the sand. “I knew it was wrong. I knew everything about it was wrong, but I just needed something…” He shook his head. “I think about it every day, and every day it gets worse. Every day I feel more disgusting because who does that? How could I have enjoyed any second of that? And I feel as if I violated the person I was thinking of. I feel like I used him the same way they used me, and it makes me hate myself a little more every time I think of it.”

Lance listened as his heart broke and silent tears slid down his cheeks.

He listened as Keith told him everything he had been too slow and too weak to prevent. He listened until Keith stopped talking and buried his face in his arms, effectively shutting himself off from the world.

And after everything he had heard, there was only one thing Lance wanted to say.

“I’m going to ask you something, and – I can’t stress this enough, Keith – you can say no.”

Keith only grunted in response.

“Can I hug you?”

Keith was so quiet and still for so long Lance wondered if he had even heard the question. Then, moving slowly, Keith pushed himself up from his place in the sand until he sat on his knees, staring down at Lance. Lance hurriedly pushed himself up to a sitting position as well, waiting.

“After all of that – after everything I just told you, you actually want to…you don’t think I’m –“ Keith’s eyes were big and wet, and his voice was unsteady. “You still want to touch me?”

A sob was ripped from Lance’s throat – harsh and painful and muffled behind his hand. “Of course I do! I love you, Keith; you’re my best friend! You’re my best friend and you’re in pain.”

Keith stared at him for a moment – mouth open, eyes wide, unbelieving. And then he reached out and Lance pulled him against his chest. Keith tucked his head into the spot just below Lance’s chin, his arms hesitantly snaking around Lance’s waist.

As Lance wrapped his arms around Keith’s back, he tried to convey all the things he wanted to say – _I’ll protect you. I’ll keep you safe. I’ll stay with you as long as you need. I’ll always find you – in any world, any reality, any alternate timeline…this is right where I will be every time._

 

__

 

They stayed there for a moment, clinging to one another, before Keith whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“Nope.” Lance’s arms tightened around his friend’s back. He dropped his forehead to rest against Keith’s shoulder. “Don’t you dare.”

“Please let me.”

Lance was struck by the emotion in Keith’s voice. Normally he would have pulled away to look at Keith’s face, but right now he didn’t think he could let go even if he wanted to. “Keith, no –“

“ _Please_. Please let me.”

There was something about the way he said it…something he had said earlier that made Lance feel like _something_ almost made sense. The pieces of a puzzle were coming together, but the image dissipated before it could be completely formed.

His fingers brushed through Keith’s hair at the back of his neck. “Okay,” he conceded. “You’re right. I’m your guy for whatever you need, and if this is what you need…okay.”

Keith shuddered, and Lance felt it through his entire body. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Lance. I’m so sorry.”

Lance wanted more than anything to tilt his head and press a kiss to wherever on Keith’s face he could reach – cheeks, forehead, temple, lips…

Except…

 

_… one of them started being gentle…he kissed me and stroked my hair…_

“You’re forgiven, Keith,” he whispered instead, adding silently, _Now and always._

They continued to hold one another. Even after the position of the hug became too cramped and awkward…even after they both lay back on the sand, faces turned up toward the stars – they held on because neither seemed to want to let go.

Lance watched the night sky. He listened to the sounds of the ocean and felt Keith’s fingers entwined in his, and he thought, _One day I’ll ask him who he thought of. One day I’ll have the courage to ask him who it is he loves._

 

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](https://erithel.tumblr.com/)   
>  [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ErithEl)   
>  [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/erithel/?hl=en)   
>  [Voltron Comic](https://tapas.io/episode/1299614)


	8. Sweetheart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two boys spend some time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, and because you have all been so patient...have a SUPER LONG CHAPTER that a break from the real angst.
> 
> Thank you everyone who commented on the post I left previously saying I would be taking a short break. I really needed to hear at the time that SOMETHING I was creating was actually resonating with an audience, even if it wasn't based on original characters. :)

**Chapter Eight: Sweetheart**

 

 

 

**Two Weeks Later**

 

Lance felt a little odd walking through the halls of the Garrison.

There were so many memories attached to this place; so many feelings brought up by the fluorescent lighting and cool grey walls.

It was here he had hoped to make something of himself. Here he had been teased and berated and made to feel like he would never amount to anything. It was here he had met his friends.

It was here he had returned a war hero, wanting nothing more than to get a hug from his mom.

It was here that, only months ago, he had trudged in a daze with Veronica and Acxa as they prepared to tell the other paladins that Keith was dead.

 

He drew in a breath before knocking on Shiro’s office door. The response from inside was immediate, and he turned the doorknob with a shaking hand, hoping he didn’t look as nervous as he felt.

“Lance!” Shiro looked up from his desk. “Is everything all right?”

Lance waved off his concern. “Everything’s fine. I just wanted to…can I talk to you?”

“Always.” Shiro held a hand out, motioning toward the couch against the far wall. “What’s on your mind?”

Lance sat, his hands twisting nervously in his lap.

He didn’t start speaking until Shiro took the seat beside him, one arm slung over the back of the couch.

“So…I’m not entirely sure what’s going on,” Lance began hesitantly. “I’m just gonna try to talk this through a little and kinda…I don’t know, figure it out as I go?”

Shiro only gave him an expectant look, waiting for him to continue with that calm, unwavering patience Lance had always admired.

Lance groaned, wiping his palms on his jeans, and slumped against the backrest of the couch. “I’m really…restless,” he said. “Lately, I’ve been feeling like something just isn’t enough. Like before, I was fine just helping out on the farm, and that was good. But ever since…”

“Does this have to do with going back out into space to rescue Keith?” Shiro prodded gently when Lance trailed off.

He nodded. “There was so much of that I hated, but still…” he shrugged.

To Lance’s surprise Shiro started to laugh. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he shook his head. “Do you want to know what I was doing right before you knocked on my door?”

“Um…”

“I was talking to Keith.” Shiro’s eyes twinkled as he glanced up at Lance. “Keith, who also just mentioned how he was feeling ready to get out there again. Nothing huge. Nothing too dangerous, but just…something.”

“Are you sending him on a mission?”

Shiro gave him a pointed look. “Yes. There’s a relief mission to Bogarus. No more than two people are needed. A quick delivery of medical supplies, nothing more. It will be good for him to get back out there – and this, in my opinion and experience, is guaranteed risk-free. It is something Krolia will agree to, I believe, even if she still has Kosmo with her.”

“Oh.” Over the past several months, there had been an underlying feeling of relief – and Lance realized now that it had been because he had known exactly where Keith was. Now, it was going to start all over again. No matter what Krolia had said before, Keith would eventually return the Blades. He would go off into space and be caught up in dangerous missions, and –

“The thing is,” Shiro’s calm voice pulled Lance out of his spiraling thoughts. “I was tring to think of who to send with him. Mainly, who could I send with him that would put Krolia at ease.”

“Acxa?” Lance offered.

“She was my first thought, of course, but then again…she left Keith for dead back on Morath along with the rest of his Squad.” Lance recognized the voice Shiro was using; it was the voice of someone prying for an answer they already knew. “Who do you think Krolia would want to accompany her son on his first mission after Zaleer?”

 

_Me._

 

The thought surprised Lance in how quickly it came into his head – and how sure he felt when he thought it.

He immediately backtracked, trying to consider it logically and not let his own feelings cloud his judgment, because that’s what it had to be, right?

Except…

 

_I know all about you, Lance McClain._

_I trust you with my son._

 

“Um…you, probably?”

From the look Shiro gave him, Lance knew he wasn’t convincing either one of them.

Shiro leaned forward, holding out a hand. “You are feeling restless, Lance? You want something to do? Keep my brother safe.” When Lance simply stared, dumbfounded, at the outstretched hand, Shiro narrowed his eyes. “Do you think it’s a coincidence you chose today – right now, after I had just spoken with Keith – to come to me?” His expression softened as he added, “If you hadn’t come to me, I would have sought you out for this, anyway. It’s a tactical decision, because Keith will be so focused on keeping _you_ safe, he won’t have much time to dwell on what might go wrong for himself.”

 

 

 

**Three Days Later**

 

No matter how many times he experienced it, the moment a ship broke through a planet’s atmosphere was something Lance never really got used to. At first all you could feel was the pull as gravity tried one last time to pull you and your ship downwards; you could feel the weight of everything, and the struggle of the ship as it accelerated. You could hear the roar of the engines and then, all of a sudden, it all vanished and you were surrounded by innumerable stars.

In that moment, everything else fell away, and – even if just for a second – it felt as if none of your problems mattered anymore because the universe was too big, and what did your tiny problems matter against that?

 

He didn’t even turn as he heard the quiet chuckle from beside him in the cockpit.

“This isn’t anything new, you know,” Keith said. “You didn’t even look like that when you first flew the blue lion!”

Lance shrugged, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Yeah, because I was too busy showing off! I mean, first of all, I was actually meeting Shiro – my idol and number one hero – and also you were there, so I had to prove I could handle it like it was no big deal.”

Keith snorted. “You were showing off because of me?”

Lance finally did turn then, grinning as he leaned back in the seat. “Of course, man! But you wanna know a secret? I was fucking terrified.”

Keith’s focus remained on the dashboard in front of him, but Lance saw his mouth curve in a smile. “Me too.”

“Yeah, I remember you saying it was because of my flying.”

“Well, there was that.” Keith ignored Lance’s indignant huff. “But also…I mean who wouldn’t be scared? At the same time, though, it was…so exhilarating! We were just kids, and all of a sudden we were flying into space and meeting aliens – and fighting aliens?”

“And now we’re making deliveries to alien planets.” Lance paused, then snorted out a laugh. “Wait. Yeah, I’m making a delivery to an alien planet with my buddy who is half alien – and that’s just completely normal. When did that become normal?”

“The only thing around here that’s not normal is you.”

Lance put a hand to his chest, gasping dramatically. “Keith, my buddy, my man – you’ve finally admitted it.” Keith ducked as far away from him as he was able while still keeping his hands on the controls as Lance stretched out a finger to poke his cheek. “You’re right. I am not normal. I am extraordinary, thank you very much.”

“Extraordinarily good at distracting the pilot.”

It was almost as if for brief moment in time, Lance was able to forget everything they had been through. Everything was easy and relaxed – and he wanted to keep it going as long as possible. “ _Psh_. I’ve seen you fly through asteroid fields and Galra space battles, dodging lasers and canon blasts. Nothing I do could ever shake your focus.” He bit his lip. “Although, I gotta admit, I really want to test that theory, now. How about it?” He leaned forward, trying to catch Keith’s eye. “Wanna see what it takes for me to distract you to the point where you completely lose control of the ship and crash it into the nearest planet where we have to build ourselves a shelter and live off the land until we’re finally rescued?”

Keith gave him a quick sidelong glance. “You sure you wanna do that? Have you forgotten I survived in the desert and on a space whale for years. I can live off the land better than you ever could.”

“Aw, Keith…” Lance whined. “You would help me though, right? We’re a team, remember? You wouldn’t leave me to die alone on a strange planet, _right?”_

“Depends on what you did to eventually distract me.”

“ _Keeeith!”_ Lance let his body go limp in the chair, toppling over dramatically to one side. Losing his balance completely, he slid from the chair and plopped onto the floor. “You can’t just – _ow_ – leave me to starve. Just think of how bored you’d be living all alone on an alien planet without my jokes and general charm to brighten your day!”

“Only you could claim to have charm while lying face down on the floor.”

Lance laughed despite himself. “Come on. That’s part of my charm. You love me for it.”

“You’re right. I do.”

That wasn’t right, Lance decided. _He_ was the one who was supposed to be doing the distracting. Keith wasn’t the one who was supposed to say something that sent a lightning bolt crackling through his whole body and made his heart hiccup in his chest.

Lance flipped over, holding his breath as he looked up and met Keith’s eyes.

A smirk pulled at Keith’s mouth as he glanced down, his eyes sparkling. “I’d be lost without you. Who else would charm the dangerous creatures and aliens who would come to kill us? I mean, I can fight, but what’s that compared to finger guns and a cheesy pick-up line?”

“You’re making fun of me, but those things have gotten me this far.” To emphasize his point, Lance stretched one arm out in front of himself, pointing a finger at Keith’s face with a wink and a smirk.

“I’m so charmed right now, I can’t even handle it. I think that’s it, Lance. I’m gonna crash this ship.”

Lance sat up sharply. “You think I can’t do it, but I’ll show you.” He grabbed onto his chair and hauled himself to his feet, stomping over to stand directly behind Keith’s chair, just slightly to his left. He linked his hands behind his back and waited.

It only took a few minutes for Keith to ask in a drawn out, suspicious voice, “Laaaance?”

Lance raised an eyebrow but didn’t respond.

He heard Keith sigh. “I get what you’re doing, and it’s not going to work.”

Lance still remained silent.

He let the silence stretch on for a couple more minutes before leaning down so his mouth was right up next to Keith’s ear. “You know I remember you’re ticklish, right?”

Keith slammed several buttons on the dashboard before vaulting from his seat and placing it stratetically between himself and Lance. “Don’t you fucking dare!”

Lance couldn’t keep the shit-eating grin from his face. He glanced out the front window then turned back to Keith. “You didn’t think I could do it,” he taunted. “But I think I just won, Mr. I’ll Never Get Distracted From My Pilot Duties.”

Keith mirrored his expression, his hands curling around the edge of the chair. “It’s on autopilot. Fuck you!”

Lance gasped loudly. “That’s cheating!”

“Yeah, well, tickling should be cheating too!” As Lance tried to take a step around the chair, Keith moved in opposition to him, holding out a warning finger. “I told you. Don’t you fucking da –“ Keith’s sentence devolved into a yell as Lance lunged toward him.

They spent the next several minutes dashing around the small space of the cockpit, yelling and laughing. Finally Keith held up both hands, slumping against the wall as he tried to catch his breath.

“I can’t believe I’m about to say this but…”

“Yes?” Lance prompted, grinning from ear to ear.

Keith shot him a playful glare. “Ugh. Fine. You distracted me. You win, Lance. Are you happy?”

 

_I am so fucking happy right now, you don’t even know._

 

Lance pointed a finger at his own face, grin still plastered across his features. “What do you think, Mullet? I know you’re not great with human interaction, but think you can work out what this expression means?”

Lance yelped as Keith lunged forward without warning. His hands latched onto Lance’s space suit, his eyes bright and intesnse.

“Think you can work out mine?”

No matter how many years he’d been dealing with this, Lance’s out was always resorting to jokes. Jokes to relieve tension in a situation; jokes to quell awkwardness, and especially jokes to keep him from grabbing Keith’s face and doing something that would absolutely work as a distraction.

“It’s a tough one.” Pursing his lips, he squinted at Keith, pretending to ponder the question. “I’d have to say that expression is telling me…you forgot to turn the oven off in your apartment.”

“No, it’s – wait.“ Keith broke off, his face immediately morphing into the expression Lance had just described, brown pinched and eyes wide. “Fuck…did I?”

The laugh tore its way through Lance’s body, starting in his stomach and bursting from his throat as he threw his head back, clamping a hand down on Keith’s shoulder.

“Well, you know what?” Keith’s voice broke through his glee. “If I did leave the oven on and my place burns down while we’re out here, it was somehow your fault and I’m gonna have to live with you until I get another place. I’m sure your mom would understand.”

“Yeah, you would.” Lance was still chuckling, wiping his eyes, when it hit him with sudden, blinding clarity. His head snapped up, all trace of laughter gone in an instant as he met Keith’s eyes with intensity. “Keith, you _should_.”

Keith eyed him, brow pinched in confusion. “Burn my place down?”

Lance let his fingers tighten just a little on his friend’s shoulder. “Move out of your place. Live with me and my family.”

If they hadn’t known each other for so long, Lance would not have been able to pin point the emotions that flashed across Keith’s face in rapid succession. “Are you…” Surprise, fear, elation, wariness. “Is this part of your _distract Keith so we crash_ scheme?”

Lance made sure to keep his expression plain and his voice adamant, so there was no confusion. “No, I’m being serious.”

“Are you asking me to move in with you?” Keith chuckled nervously, but despite that, his face settled into something Lance really wanted to call hope. “This is all so sudden. We aren’t even dating, Lance. Think of the neighbors.”

Lance sniffed, waving a hand through the air dismissively. “The neighbors already know about our scandalous affair, _sweetheart_. It’s time we proclaim it to the world.” His other hand came up to rest against the side of Keith’s neck. “Joking aside, though… You know you would be welcome. You spend so much time with us, the guest room is basically yours already. Just think how happy it would make Nadia to have you around all the time!”

That made Keith smile. “Well, if it’s for Nadia…” His hand came up, fingers just barely brushing Lance’s elbow. “Seriously, though? I think…I’d like that. I’d like that very much.”

“Really? That’s great!” It was rare, but on the occasion this level of happiness filled Lance’s heart, he felt like he was trying to contain a sun within his ribcage. “That’s so great!” And it was too much; this time it was too much and he thought if he didn’t do something he might actually explode. “Hey. Don’t…don’t freak out, okay? I’m just really happy.”

The small breath Keith drew in as Lance began to lean forward seemed to suck all the air from the cockpit. Keith’s fingers tightening on his elbow felt like they were burning Lance through his space suit. When he pressed his lips to Keith’s cheekbone, he allowed himself to give over to a moment of weakness – letting his lips linger there for a moment longer than required for a simple, friendly peck.

When he pulled away, he got to watch Keith’s eyes flutter open – and the look he was met with was worth than all the stars surrounding them.

There was something crackling between them; the anticipation in the air before the skies break open with lightning and rain.

Lance felt that if he so much as breathed, he would shatter whatever was building, so he watched in breathless fascination as Keith set his jaw – a decision forming in his mind.

The shrill sound of the alarm blaring from the dashboard had never been a less welcome sound.

Keith tore his gaze away, shifting immediately back into business mode as he slipped around the pilot’s chair and grabbed the controls, pushing buttons and flipping switches until the beeping stopped.

Lance let his breath out as silently as possible, taking a moment to get himself together before sliding back into the co-pilot seat as casually as he was able.

He felt Keith’s eyes on him and turned to catch a sheepish grin. “We almost did crash.”

Lance leaned back, looping his arms behind his head. Calm. Casual. Nothing to show how fast his heart was still beating. “Would you look at that?” he said, eyes closed in the absolute picture of nonchalance. “Looks like I won twice. Remind me to bet money on it next time.”

 

 

 

 

 

The original plan was to make the delivery of medical supplies, then immediately return to Earth.

The hospital staff were so grateful, however, they insisted on putting Keith and Lance up in a room for the night, so they could rest before their return journey.

From their briefing of the planet Bogarus, and what they had seen of the capital city, neither saw the harm in staying for one night. The vaguely bear-like blue and green Bogaruns were relatively peaceful, despite their outward appearance, and the idea of exploring a new planet’s city appealed to both boys, so it did not take much to convince them to accept the offer. They were shown to a hotel and given a spacious room with two beds and a small balcony overlooking a park.

Keith always brought an overnight bag with extra clothes, and had advised Lance to do the same. After changing out of their space suits and contacting the Garrison to let them know they change of plans, they set out into the city, to wander and sightsee – and hopefully find something to eat.

 

Bogarus was one of those planets on the outskirts of civilization, where it was rare to see any alien species other than the natives. Lance and Keith stood out starkly from the crowds they wandered through. With the exception of several confused or surprised glances, they were left alone to go about their business unhindered.

They stumbled into an open air market, and Keith’s eye was immediately caught by a stall that sold various weapons. Lance hung back, leaning against a wall as he waited for his friend to finish browsing. While he waited, he unashamedly observed the Borgaruns passing by – families, couples, shoppers, browsers – and thought again how strange this all felt normal to him, now, even after spending so much time away from it.

He was enjoying the cool breeze that smelled vaguely of cinnamon, observing everything and nothing, until one conversation on the opposite side of the wall he was leaning against caught his attention.

Or, to be more precise, one word in particular:

 

_Galra_.

 

“Are you certain?” a hushed voice asked, and Lance’s ears perked up, trying to eavesdrop without looking like he was actively listening.

“Absolutely,” came the reply, sounding more certain than the first speaker. “I recognize him from his pictures. He does not look it, but it is known his mother is of Galran descent.”

Lance’s heart sank into his stomach at the utter disdain in the speakers voice as she uttered the last two words.

“And they just let him roam freely around the Galaxy?” came the incredulous response. “The Galra caused so much destruction for so many years. Why is he here, do you think?”

“Egan told me they were expecting a shipment of medical supplies from Earth today. He must have brought them…but if you think about it, traveling the Galaxy could just be a way to research planets for the remaining Galra to overthrow.”

“Pretending to do good and gain trust. If he’s not up to something deceitful, why aren’t they open about his heritage? It’s as if they are trying to hide it and believe we are all to stupid to notice.”

 

They were just talking. Just two Bogaruns’ opinions based on their own experiences with Galran oppression…but all Lance could hear was the roar of the crowd on Zaleer as Keith stepped out onto the platform above the arena. All he could see was the hatred burning in the eyes of everyone around him. All he could feel was the hammering of his own heart as he –

“You okay, Lance?”

He turned to see a worried look pinching Keith’s face.

“Yup,” he said quickly, taking Keith by the arm as he started to guide him away from the area. “Everything’s great. Let’s –“

“ _Galran thyrak!”_

A shout from behind them froze Keith in his tracks. It was a language Lance didn’t understand, but Keith had visited more planets and worked with more alien species – and the way he breath stuttered, it was obvious he had understood all too clearly.

Lance was so hyper-focused on his face, he actually watched as Keith pulled himself together mentally, raising his head and forcing his face to settle into something deliberately, _formidably_ calm.

 

Slowly, Keith turned in the direction of the voice, and Lance followed suit. They were greeted by several figures watching them – their bodies poised and ready, as if subconsciously preparing for an attack.

Keith took several steps forward, his movements controlled and willfully casual. His chin was raised and his shoulders squared as he came to stand several feet before the Bogaruns who watched his approach with watchful eyes and tense muscles. “I am not a murderer,” he addressed the crowd calmly as Lance came up to stand silently beside him. “I know the Galra have wronged you. I have witnessed their atrocities first hand. It’s true, I have Galra blood in my veins, but I am not like the Generals and Warlords you most likely dealt with in the past.”

“Keith has been working tirelessly since the end of the war to help rebuild the Universe,” Lance chimed in. “There is no more Galra Empire to oppress you. We helped see to that.”

One Bogarun stepped forward – looming over the boys by at least a foot, the dark blue fur on his shoulders standing on end. Lance recognized the voice from the earlier conversation. “You speak of your Galra blood only now when you are called out on it. The people of the planets you visit have a right to know what you are up front. They have a right to…prepare, if the worst should happen.”

“They have a right to take measures for when I go on a murderous spree and attack them all?” Keith asked coldly. “They have a right to prepare for the inevitable moment I snap and give in to my true nature?”

“Yes,” another Bogarun called from further into the crowd. “The Galra have committed atrocities. We have witnessed it among so many others. Preparation would have saved countless lives.”

“Do you not have crime on your planet?” Keith countered. The longer this argument continued, the larger the crowd grew, and Lance tried to hide his unease as his eyes swept around the mob slowly forming around them. “Are your people blameless and completely non-violent?”

“It is not the same,” the Bogarun with the dark blue fur sneered. “It is true we have our share of violence and crime, but our people have never participated in a genocide. Our people have never risen up against others and forced them under our rule.”

“Neither have I!”

Lance could hear an edge creeping into Keith’s voice, and he had a feeling he knew where this was going. This planet had been wronged by the Galra Empire, and these people had a point to prove. They were going to berate and push and bully Keith until he finally snapped out of pure frustration.

Lance understood, further, that this situation could very likely trigger an automatic defense response in Keith, if he felt even the slightest hint of that same helplessness he had experienced on Zaleer. Being surrounded by larger, angry aliens who hated him for what he was would be enough to bring out his Galra side, and the Bogaruns certainly wouldn’t see that response for what it really was – self defense and self preservation.

“Sendak was the one who basically wiped out our own entire world.” Lance cast a casual glance in Keith’s direction, making sure to keep his voice light and conversational. “Man, that guy was such a dick! He wouldn’t leave us alone.” He turned to the crowd, face open and curious. “Did any you ever encounter him? He seriously needed a hobby or something. Like, I bet most of the Galran Generals wouldn’t have been half as bad if they’d had a monthly book club, or mandatory spa day on Daibazaal. Can you imagine?”

Someone snickered in the crowd, hurriedly shushed by someone else close by, but that was all the encouragement Lance needed – because the only option right now was to de-escalate the situation as quickly as possible.

He knew they had no chance of talking these aliens around to accept Keith for who he was. This wasn’t a feel good movie where everyone sees the error of their ways and suddenly forgets their prejudices in the end. But maybe it would be possible to talk the Bogaruns around to understanding that they shared similar situations and experiences. Maybe he could find some common ground with them, and leave this crowd without having to fight their way back to the hotel.

“Man, we encountered so many Galra during our time with Voltron.” He nudged Keith with an elbow. “You weren’t there for this one, but there was this one time two of them were arguing and we were currently in the middle of a crisis and Hunk just lost it and started yelling at them in this angry mom voice. Like _If you two can’t get your shit together and work with us, I will be so disappointed in you both!_ It was hilarious. I think he was one second away from grounding the both of them!”

The silence that followed was so absolute, Lance had one terrifying moment wondering if he had made the situation a thousand times worse. Then a voice piped up from somewhere in the middle of the crowd, “I once encountered a Galra named Morvok. Every other General or Warlord or Commander was tough and cruel, but he was probably the most pathetic little weakling I have ever seen in my life.”

“Did we ever meet Morvok?” Lance turned to Keith who was openly staring at him. “That name sounds familiar, but I can’t put a face to it.”

“I…” Keith said slowly. “I think he was on that weird dream game show with us? The name does sound familiar.”

Lance smacked his arm with the back of his hand. “Holy shit – you’re right! The little guy with the big ears! Why couldn’t we have gotten him instead of Sendak?”

“Do you think just because we encountered some of the same Galra during the Empire’s reign, suddenly we will forgive you?” Whatever progress the general mood had made towards something less threatening was broken as the first Bogarun narrowed his beady eyes at Keith.

“You don’t have to forgive anything,” Keith growled. “But I am not your enemy unless you threaten his life or mine.” He jerked a thumb in Lance’s direction.

“Sooner or later, your nature will get the better of you and you will not be able to control it.”

“Looks like your nature is the one showing right now.” Lance slung an arm over Keith’s shoulders as the alien turned on him. He ignored the sharp, pointed fangs showing past the Bogarun’s snarling lips, and gave a half shrug. “My man Keith here doesn’t do anything unprovoked. He literally just told you that. So I can only guess you came out here trying to start a fight.” He placed a hand on his chest. “If you keep insulting my friend, I would be more than happy to oblige.” He made sure the look he gave the alien did not match the light tone of his voice as he added, “I haven’t had a good fight since the arena on Zaleer.”

“No one escapes Zaleer.” A turquoise-furred alien near the front of the crowd tilted her head like a confused puppy. “At least not from what I have heard of that place.”

Lance gave a non-committal grunt. “Yeah, well, they should have thought of that before they decided to mess with the paladins of Voltron.” He smirked, winking at no one in particular.

A tense silence stretched over the crowd as they all waited for someone else to move or speak.

“I remember you from the Voltron Show, but I thought Keith had long, white hair.”

The young Bogarun who had spoken up gave Lance a shrug in response to the confused look he got in response to that statement.

“What?” the alien asked defensively. “It was my favorite show when I was a kid, and I remember the one called _Keith_ definitely didn’t look like _that_.”

It took Lance a moment to realize what they were talking about, and when he did, there was no holding back the laugh that bubbles up inside him. He bent over, one arm still wrapped around Keith’s shoulders.

Vaguely, though his laughter, he overheard Keith trying to explain the reason for the misunderstanding. Lance had showed him footage of the Voltron Show on a night neither of them could sleep due to nightmares. He had told the story of what happened to Coran, and explained all their characters. It was the hardest Lance had ever heard Keith laugh, and whenever he recalled that memory, it filled his heart with a warm kind of fondness he was only now beginning to understand.

He was only half listening as he tried to pull himself together as several other curious Bogaruns asked Keith follow up questions after his explanation. He ignored most of them, letting Keith fend for himself, until the young alien spoke up again.

“Why would you leave Voltron, though?” the Bogarun asked. “Was it because you found out you were Galra?”

“I mean, that was part of it,” Keith admitted. “I wanted to be useful. I wanted to find a place where I belonged. But it was also because Lance was thinking of stepping down from Voltron. It was a weird time and we had one too many –“

“ _What?”_ It was as if all remaining humor had been forcibly torn from Lance’s heart, leaving a hollow pit of emptiness in its place.

Keith raised an eyebrow at him, as if he hadn’t just confirmed one of Lance’s oldest and most detrimental suspicions. “Yeah. I mean you were the one who said there was one paladin too many and you were thinking of giving up Red to me again, so I –“

Lance’s fingers dug into Keith’s shoulder so hard he knew it would hurt. “We’re done here. You all have a good day,” he announced before whirling both of them around and marching off away from the crowd.

“Lance –“ Keith attempted to wriggle out of his grip, but Lance refused to let go. He pulled Keith into an alley, ducking away from the crowds and the noise. Only then did he let go of Keith’s shoulder in favor of shoving him hard in the chest with both hands.

“What the hell, man?” he hissed, a fierce scowl twisting his features.

Keith had stumbled back with the shove, obviously confused. “What they hell yourself? What are you doing?”

“You left –“ Lance didn’t even try to keep his voice from shaking, “– because I was thinking of stepping aside?”

“Yeah.” Keith held his ground. “Like I said, that was part of the reason. I started pulling away and distancing myself from the team so you could see it wasn’t you who was the expendable –“

Lance swore, loud and sharp – falling back against the wall behind him. He let his body go limp, sliding down until he was seated on the ground, one hand tangled in his hair.

“Lance, what the fuck is your problem?” He heard Keith shift; saw him crouch down from beneath his half-lidded eyes. Knuckles pressed against Lance’s bent knee. “Why are you reacting this way? I thought you knew.”

“I did know.” And that was the problem. That was the reason for his involuntary reaction. “It was one of those things I convinced myself was the truth when I was hiding in my room feeling helpless and alone.” Lance’s fingers dug into his scalp, nails biting into the skin at the roots of his hair. “ _’Of course Keith left because of you,’_ ” he quoted his former thoughts – the deep, dark thoughts he had never shared with anyone before. “ _’You drove him off just when you were becoming friends. The team will suffer because you’ll never be good enough to fill his shoes.’_ ” The expression he raised to Keith must have been something impressive by the way Keith seemed to almost reel back away from him. “Thinking those things is one thing. Hearing you blatantly confirm the thing I had always feared is something else.”

“I wanted the opposite,” Keith whispered. “I didn’t know…” His fingers slid forward, wrapping around the back of Lance’s knee. “I wanted you to see just how important to the team you really were. And I know you did. I know the team functioned so well without me. I know you stepped up when you needed and held everything together like I never could.”

 

 

“You didn’t give us a chance to work together as a team with you as the leader!” Lance spat at him. “You didn’t give _yourself_ a chance. You not being there didn’t make it better. It didn’t make me miss you any less. Finding out I was important to the team meant fucking nothing because all I wanted to do was just talk to you!”

“At least you had the rest of the team,” Keith snapped back. “The only Blade member who would talk to me about anything other than the mission was killed. I spent over _two years_ away from you; you have no idea how much I missed you or wanted to talk to you!”

“You didn’t miss me more!” Lance yelled, sitting up straight, his fists clenched at his sides. “Everyone always says – _God_ , Keith. The point is I needed you and you left. The point is I missed you and you weren’t there. The point is I barely got any sleep during the time you were gone because all I could think about was the fact that you were out there risking your life and I didn’t know if I would ever see you again. The point is I always felt you had left because of me – and you just fucking confirmed it was true!” His eyes stung as one particular memory surfaced – heart pounding so hard he thought he might pass out; stepping forward on shaking legs, and being brushed aside. “And then you came back and you had _changed_. All I wanted was to be your friend, and when you came back I felt like you were farther away than ever.”

“I just wanted to be your friend, too!” Keith scowled. “You never treated me like everyone else always has, and I wanted – I wanted…” he trailed off, pulling away from Lance as his brow furrowed. “Wait. What are we actually arguing about?”

Lance’s emotions were still seething inside his chest, but he forced himself to draw in a breath. “I think –“ he tried to keep the scowl on his face. “We’re arguing about the fact that we both missed each other, and that we are friends.”

“And maybe trying to one-up each other on who had the worse time after I left?” Keith asked sheepishly.

“You always did like to one-up me.”

“Is it really a one-up if it’s the truth?”

Lance had been about to shoot back a retort, but the sad, almost shy way Keith met his eyes made the words die in his throat.

“It was two years, Lance. I didn’t realize it had only been a couple months for you all until Pidge told me afterwards, but…” Keith shook his head, lips pressed tight in a sad smile. “I came back and I thought…I thought no one would remember me. I thought it had been the same amount of time for all of us, and I thought no one would want me there. That’s why I was all business because the mission was a purpose I could focus on, so if none of you remembered me, I could still do my job without breaking down.”

Instinctively, Lance reached out a hand, wrapping his fingers around Keith’s and squeezing tight. “You’re an idiot if you think you could ever be forgotten.” It was the truth, and it felt like a relief to finally be able to say it. “I thought about you every day.”

“So did I.”

Lance felt the returning pressure as Keith squeezed his hand back.

“It was…” The hesitation in Keith’s voice was almost unbearable. “It was better…when we were together. Wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, it was.” It was another truth Lance didn’t have to hold back. “Why do you think I traveled halfway across the Galaxy to bring you back?”

“So you’d have someone to make fun of?”

Some of Lance’s inner feelings seeped out, coloring the smile he flashed at Keith. “You just provide me with so much material, Mullet.”

“You’d be lost without me,” Keith chuckled.

“You would be lost without _me_ ,” Lance countered.

He caught Keith rolling his eyes as he rocked back onto his heels and rose to his feet. Lance pushed himself up the wall, waving a finger in Keith’s face. “Now, now…remember what you said on the ship? You can fight, but I have finger guns and charm – or something?”

From the sudden slump of Keith’s shoulders, Lance knew he understood where this was going. “Oh no.”

“Oh yes.” Lance grinned, placing both hands on his hips and straightening his spine triumphantly. “Because I would claim that my charm was the thing keeping everything in check back there, whereas a fight would have absolutely made the situation worse.”

Keith leveled a look at him. “I can’t confirm or deny –“

“That means you agree, and I’ll take it. Charm has won the day, Keith.”

“You’re never going to let me forget this, are you?”

Lance slung an arm around Keith’s shoulders, his heart leaping in his chest as he felt one of Keith’s arms wrap snugly around his waist in answer. “Never,” he confirmed. “I’m going to call you out of the blue and remind you every so often. ‘Hey, remember that time I was right and you were wrong? Yeah, me too.’”

“You saved the day,” Keith deadpanned. “Should I call the team up and tell them of your heroics?”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Placing one hand over his heart, Lance adopted a sweet, syrupy tone. “I wouldn’t _dream_ of asking you to do that. If you felt the need to do it of your own accord, however, who am I to stop you? Heroics must be documented, after all.”

Keith snorted. “Wait, I can just see the report. ‘Day 1: Bogarus Relief Mission. Lance was right and Keith was wrong. Nothing more to report.’”

“The Garrison would ask me to teach a class on charm and alien relations!”

Keith stopped so abruptly, Lance nearly tripped over his own feet.

“What?”

“You were joking, but…Lance that’s not a bad idea.”

“Teaching a class on _charm and alien relations?_ Yeah Iverson would totally go for that. Did you hit your head?”

“No,” Keith said. “And no – but…I don’t know. You’re great with people. You have so much experience to share, and you have this weird way of finding the middle ground.” He slipped out of Lance’s hold and swung around so they were facing one another. “Like, my first instinct will always be _lets fight our way out of this_ and Pidge’s and Hunk’s will always be _let’s think and plan our way out of this_.” He tapped a finger against Lance’s chest. “But you could always swoop into arguments and conversations and be like _guys you’re missing the bigger picture, here_ when we were too busy focusing on our own narrowminded ways of getting things done. Exactly like today. I was fully preparing to fight our way out of that, while you saw the whole thing and knew what to do to make it better so no one got hurt.” He shrugged. “Maybe not teaching a class – I don’t know – but you could help so many people by just being you.”

Lance couldn’t remember if he had ever had someone tell him something where the only response his body could muster was to completely shut down. He didn’t think he had ever been told straight to his face something so meaningful that natural responses like breathing and blinking just suddenly ceased to function.

Keith’s fingers flicking against his forehead brought him out of his daze. He ducked out of the way, batting at Keith’s hand. “Fucking – _ow!”_

“I thought you were broken!” Keith shrugged. “You were just staring at me like an idiot. Did you even hear a word I said?”

“Did I hear you say the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me in my entire life, you mean?” After having his senses wiped for a moment, there was no way of masking the absolute sincerity in his voice. “Yeah, I heard it.”

“Oh.” Keith seemed a little taken aback by his sudden, blinding candor. “Oh. Well, I…” He drew in a breath before meeting Lance’s eyes. “I meant it.”

“I know you did.” Lance reached out, looping his arm around Keith’s shoulders again and giving him a long squeeze. “And you know what? One day I’ll find a way to one-up you on that. One day I’ll compliment you so hard your heart will just combust out of pure, genuine love and appreciation.”

“Whatever you say, sweetheart.” Keith said drily, Lance burst out laughing as they continued on through the alien market.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lance wasn’t sure what woke him.

He sat up in the bed, blinking away his dreams as his eyes adjusted to the darkened room.

The moment he glanced over to see Keith’s empty bed, however, all his senses slammed into full alert.

After first checking the bathroom, just in case he was being paranoid, he remembered the balcony. Padding across the floor in his bare feet, he slid the heavy door open and stepped out into the chilly night air.

Keith was there in his tee-shirt and sweatpants, hands gripping the railing. He was so focused, he apparently hadn’t heard the door open, because he started in surprise as Lance placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Lance, I –“ he stammered, caught off guard. “I just needed some air. You don’t need to –“

Lance let his fingers trace lightly down Keith’s arm until they wound around his hand, gripping tightly. “It’s too cold for this,” he stated. “Come back inside.”

The soft light of Boragus’ moon reflected in Keith’s wide eyes as they caught and held Lance’s. They stared at one another for a moment before Keith nodded, allowing Lance to lead him back into the room by the hand. Keith’s skin was so cold, it made Lance want to shiver, just from holding his hand.

_How long had he been out there? And more importantly…why?_

Shaking off the thought, Lance guided him over to his bed, and pulled the covers back, motioning for Keith to climb in.

It was taking Lance’s eyes a moment to readjust to the darkened room after the light of the balcony, but he could feel Keith watching him.

“I don’t have an ulterior motive here,” he said quietly. “But you are worryingly cold and this is the quickest option to warm you up. Is that okay?”

“Only if I can put my feet on you. They’re probably like ice right now because I can barely feel them.”

“I’m being nice to you, and that’s how you want to repay me?” Lance shook his head, making a _tutting_ noise – but he couldn’t help but grin a little. “Ugh. Fine. Bring on the ice.”

It was a moment, still, before Keith climbed begrudgingly into the bed, Lance sliding in after him. He pulled the covers over both of them and turned onto his side, facing Keith. He snaked an arm around Keith’s waist, pulling him in as close as he dared.

“Fucking hell, Keith. How long were you out there? Or do you just have, like, the worst circulation in anybody ever?”

“I told you my feet were cold.”

“You did, but I was expecting the _human_ kind of cold – not the literal ice blocks you have at the ends of your legs.” He didn’t pull away, though, and after a while they both began to relax and grow comfortable under the heavy blanket.

Lance didn’t want to move because he was afraid if he did, Keith would take it as a sign to shift or turn away from him. He wasn’t sure if Keith had fallen asleep or not – but he got his answer soon enough.

“You asleep?”

Lance shifted just a little so he could raise his head and look at his friend. “Nope.”

“Can I ask you something that is absolutely none of my business?”

“You mean something, like, super personal?”

Keith sighed, rolling onto his back and tossing an arm across his face. “Personal,” he admitted. “And inappropriate, and – like I said – none of my business.”

As Keith had turned, Lance’s hand had slid across his body until it rested against his hip. Reluctantly, he pulled it back, tucking his arm beneath his head.

“I mean, now I’m just really curious, so – shoot.”

“You don’t have to answer. If it’s too much just tell me to fuck off or something.”

Lance laughed softly. “You know I will.”

They fell into a short silence before Keith sighed again. “Did you…did you and Allura ever sleep together?”

Whatever Lance had been expecting, it had not been that. The question left him feeling hollow, as if Keith had reached into his chest and scooped out his heart. It was a combination of a multitude of sore spots – remembering the brief happy moments he had shared with Allura, accompanied by the thought that this didn’t seem like a spur of the moment question. It felt heavier, as if it was something Keith had been carrying around with him for years. In addition, all of that was overshadowed by the darkness this particular subject meant to Keith and how much it had probably taken for him to even ask.

“I’m sorry,” he heard Keith say, and realized he must have been quiet for so long, Keith thought he was mad. “Don’t answer that. I don’t know why –“

“No, no, it’s not… It’s fine. Can I ask why you’re asking, though?”

The way they were positioned on the bed, Keith’s arm was covering his entire face from Lance’s view. “Honestly? I’ve always been curious even though I know it’s none of my business. I know you loved her – I know you still do – and I know you put all of yourself into your relationship, because that’s who you are, but sometimes –“ Keith broke off abruptly.

“Sometimes?” Lance prompted.

“Nothing. Never mind.”

“It’s been two years, Keith.” Lance hoped he sounded reassuring. “Whatever you were about to say, I can take it.”

It took a moment for the reply to come. Finally he heard Keith sigh heavily. Removing his arm, he turned his head to meet Lance’s eyes with a look of regret and shame. “Sometimes I thought she…didn’t feel the same way. Not that she didn’t care for you. Of course she did, but…I don’t know. Sometimes seeing you together with her felt very one sided. Like you were always giving, and she was always taking.”

“You mean like the way our relationship has been for two years?” There had always been a weird energy during midnight talks, in Lance’s experience – as if an honestly filter settled over the conversation, and the only option was to forget your inhibitions and only talk about the things that actually mattered.

His words caught Keith completely off guard, his eyes going wide as he shrank back as far as he could on the small bed. “If that’s how I…I never meant to…”

“ _No_ , Keith. The other way around.”

The moment those words left his mouth, Lance understood why Keith’s question had made him feel so empty. It was a feeling that had been building inside him for two years; something he had mistaken to be all due to Allura’s sacrifice. But it had been more than that. It had been all the times he had called Keith in the middle of the night. It had been everything Keith had said to him when he needed comfort and reassurance. It was all Keith had ever given him, and everything he had never asked for in return.

It meant that throughout his entire, short relationship with Allura, Keith had been paying attention. It meant that at a time when there was so much more to focus on, Keith had been there, silently observing; wanting to make sure Lance was happy.

And it broke his heart.

“All I’ve ever done is take from you. All I’ve ever done is rely on you and take you for granted – and it’s never been reciprocated.” Keith was staring at him with wide eyes and an open mouth as the truth Lance had been holding back came pouring out. “You’ve done so much for me, and I never realized. I never thanked you.”

Keith pushed himself up to a sitting position, frowning down at Lance. “You don’t have to thank me for being your friend.”

Lance sat upright as well, frowning. “That’s not…what this is, Keith.”

Lance almost felt sorry for how confused that made Keith look, and he rushed on. “I mean there’s always been something different about us.” His mouth was forming words before his brain could sort out his thoughts into something coherent – but he pushed on, the need to speak his mind dragging him onwards into dangerous and unknown territory. “I mean, you were the only one who was able to get through to me after we officially returned to Earth. I mean…the worst moment of my life was when Acxa looked me in the eye and told me you were dead.”

Keith pulled his knees up, wrapping his arms around them like he was trying to curl in on himself and hide.

“She said _Keith’s not here. We lost him_.” Lance wasn’t sure if it was the cold or the memory that made him shiver. “And I told her she needed to go find you, then.” He tried to smile away the tightness building in his throat. “I was fully in denial, but I just couldn’t –“ his breath caught for a moment before he regained his composure. “It was so selfish of me, but how was I supposed to keep…I mean, if you were actually gone, how…”

He felt Keith’s hand on his own. “Lance, you would have been fine.”

Surprised by that statement, spoke with such a resigned assuredness, Lance looked up sharply, ready to protest.

“I know you,” Keith said softly. “You got through Allura’s sacrifice. You got through a war, and you came out on the other side still as bright and compassionate as you always were. You can get through anything.”

Lance stared at him in disbelief. He didn’t even know where to start; he didn’t know what to say except –

“What is wrong with you?” he demanded. “It’s like you can’t comprehend how much you mean to me or something.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m trying to say you are different – we are different. You said before you didn’t have to apologize for being my friend, and _I’m_ saying I’ve had a lot of friends before, Keith – and that’s not what this is.”

The reaction those words drew from Keith made Lance want to yell in frustration – but it just proved to him even more, he had to do a better job of making Keith feel valued for all he had done.

“Of course. Right.” Keith was already pulling away; moving to get out of the bed and move back to his own on the other side of the room. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed –“

Lance grabbed his arm before he could get any further, dragging Keith backwards until he was nestled against Lance’s chest. Lance wrapped both arms around him, resting his cheek against the side of Keith’s head. “You’re a fucking dumbass, you know that?” he murmured.

“I…” Keith faltered – but to Lance’s relief, did not pull away. “I am so confused right now.”

“Keith –“ Lance turned his head slightly so his lips were brushing Keith’s hair. “I have killed for you. I have traveled across the Galaxy to find you – even when everyone kept telling me it was hopeless. I would die for you. Does that sound like a normal friendship?”

Keith hesitated for a moment. Lance was pressed so close to him in the darkness, he could feel the rapid beating of Keith’s heart. “Would it be really depressing if I said I don’t know?” Keith asked. “Because I haven’t really had a lot of friends in my life?”

“Yes, frankly, that is depressing – and also false, because you do have friends now.” Lance had to turn his head and rest his chin on Keith’s shoulder to keep himself from pressing a soft, tender kiss to the spot on Keith’s neck where his pulse was still beating rapidly. “And you don’t need to think that way anymore because no matter what happens, I want you to know how important you are to me. Because you are. You’re so important, Keith. You’re so fucking important to me.”

There was a moment of silence in which Lance held his breath. Then, quietly, “I don’t know what to say.” He felt Keith’s arm cover one of his, fingers trailing gently over his skin until they could wrap around his wrist. “I’m not…good at this stuff. I don’t know how – how to express the things I feel in words.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Lance reassured him. “I just wanted you to know.”

He felt Keith draw in a long breath, his fingers tightening around Lance’s wrist. “You are fucking important to me, too.” It was spoken quietly – almost shyly – and in the darkened room, it sounded intimate and clandestine.

“I can’t believe you thought for a second I was saying we were less than friends, dude.” Lance’s attempt to steer the conversation down a lighter path was thrown off by Keith’s next words.

“You know I would do the same for you.”

“The same what?”

“I would kill for you. I would search for you. I would die for you.”

“Hey.” Lance bumped his head affectionately against Keith’s. “We already established that’s the last thing I want to happen. The first two…whatever. But no dying.”

“You’re the one who did die.”

“You died, too. On Zaleer.”

Keith’s body went rigid, his muscles tense, and Lance realized it was possibly he didn’t remember that part. It might have all been a blur he was trying his hardest to just forget.

Lance kept his voice soft, next to Keith’s ear. “When we burst in that room after we finally found you… I shot the Galra holding you, and we got you out of the chair and…” his voice faltered, growing thin. “Your heart wasn’t beating. Shiro shocked you back to life.” Lance’s arms tightened around Keith. “Ever since Acxa first said you were gone, I couldn’t believe it because I…I needed you to be alive. I needed you to be alive, and when we finally got to you…you weren’t.”

“I’m alive now.”

Lance buried his head in the crook of Keith’s neck, feeling tears prickle at his eyes. “I know. I know, and I am so grateful…but sometimes I still see you lying on the floor covered in blood and bruises, and I put my hand on your chest and it’s not moving.”

Keith was silent for so long Lance thought he wasn’t going to say anything. When he did speak, it was as though he was admitting a secret he had never spoken aloud. “I watch you die in that arena almost every night. That’s why I was outside. It’s a recurring nightmare I’ve had ever since Zaleer. I don’t always have nightmares about what they did to me because most of the time I have nightmares of what they _could have done_ to you.” There was a brief, breathless pause before he added, “When I was on that platform, all I could focus on was the pain I was in. All I could think of was that it was all going to happen again when the fight was over. But when I looked down and saw your face and realized you were actually here and risking your life, I couldn’t feel any of it anymore. Everything just disappeared. All my pain and fear didn’t matter anymore because you were in danger.”

“Before we stepped into that arena,” Lance whispered. “Axca called me your weakness. She told me not to let you see my face because if you did, you would do something stupid.”

Keith chuckled, soft and humorless. “Acxa knows me well.”

“You’re mine, too.”

Beneath his arms, Lance felt Keith’s entire body stiffen. He reached up, prying Lance’s hands away so he could shift over to his own side of the bed, lying back and fixing his eyes on the ceiling. “You don’t have to say that.”

“Well it’s the truth, whether you like it or not so –“

“No, it’s – it’s different, okay? With me and with you, it’s…just different.”

“Everyone always says that!” Lance didn’t care anymore as he leaned over Keith, one hand pressed into the mattress near Keith’s opposite shoulder. “But no one will tell me why.”

Keith looked up at him with wide, bright eyes. “Please don’t…” It came out as a broken whisper. “Please don’t ask me to explain. Please just let me pretend a little longer.”

Lance let his body slump down so his torso was pressed against Keith’s side. His free hand curled around the pillow, fingers barely brushing the strands of Keith’s hair. Their faces were only inches apart; it would have taken so little effort to shift forward and…

“It’s just you and me,” Lance whispered, his eyes pleading for Keith to understand. “You don’t have to pretend at whatever it is you’re holding back.”

Keith offered him a shaky smile that stayed far away from his eyes. He raised a hand, letting the pads of his fingers just barely press against Lance’s cheekbone. “The Altean marks suit you, you know,” was all he said before letting his hand fall. “It was because she chose you, wasn’t it? In the end, even though she sacrificed herself, she still chose you in her heart.”

“She’s not…” Why were they talking about Allura? Why were they talking about anything else when Keith was so close, looking at him like that? “She’s not here anymore. Maybe she did choose me in the end, but…she’s not here.” He drew in a short breath then rushed on, his voice an intense whisper. “And you were right…what you said earlier. If she had truly loved me the way I wanted her to at the time…the way I thought I loved her… If the feelings had been strong enough, nothing else would have mattered. If you really, truly love someone you wouldn’t leave them alone like that.”

“You would if it’s what’s best for them.”

“What do you mean?”

Keith broke their gaze, fixing his eyes somewhere just past Lance’s head. “Nothing. It’s nothing. Just…I think if you really love someone, you put their happiness above everything else. And sometimes if you love someone you can want to be with them with all of your heart, but still know that it’s not what would make their life better. Sometimes when you love someone, the best thing you can do for them is stay away – even when it’s hard, and you just want to be selfish and hang on to them a little longer.” His eyes flicked to Lance briefly in the dark. “So you’re right, she’s not here. But if she –“ He didn’t finish the sentence, choosing instead to change the subject. “We should get some sleep.”

“Keith –“

“You don’t know how nice it has been,” Keith interrupted softly. “Being out here with you again. Not the danger or the fighting or the killing. Just…you’ve always had a way of, like, taking any situation and making it better.”

“ _Keith_ –“

“And not in the way that invalidates what someone is experiencing or feeling. Like earlier today, you defused what could have been a fight by just searching for common ground.” Keith’s eyes found his with a stern intensity. “I know I kind of said this earlier, but –“ He drew in a shallow breath, then rushed on. “You have a gift with people. You staying on that farm, isolating yourself from the world is a waste.”

“A waste of time?”

“A waste of _you_.” Lance was trapped in the vehemence of Keith’s gaze. “You have always had so much to offer, and it’s like you never were able to see it. And then when Allura left –“ he shook his head sadly. “I just wish you saw what everyone else sees in you – what I have always –“ He broke off, turning away again. “Just…no matter what happens, I wish you would just think about it, okay? Remember that there are so many people who love you, and would do anything to make you happy.”

“Are you one of them?” The words slipped out before Lance could think twice. He didn’t know what he was expecting or hoping for, really, but it definitely wasn’t sarcasm.

“ _Nooooo,_ Lance.” Keith drew the word out, rolling his eyes. “I said all that because you’re _not_ one of my favorite people in the Universe, and I want you to be _sad._ Forever.”

Lance placed a hand on his forehead, falling back onto his side of the bed dramatically. “If that is what you want, Keith,” he lamented, “I shall do my best to remain in a constant state of melancholy.”

“Are you doing the poor, lonely sweetheart bit again?”

Lance only gave a hearty sigh. “My dearest Keith,” he said, holding a hand up and flourishing it through the air as if he was writing a letter. “It has been many deca-pheobes since I last gazed upon your face –“

“You just looked at me two seconds ago.”

“I have spent my days wandering through the fields, pining over the memory of your smile –“

“I am literally right next to you.”

“Yes, but you’re not smiling,” Lance said in his normal voice before switching back to his melodramatic tone. “I long for the day when I can feel the warmth of your arms –“

His voice died as Keith abruptly pushed himself up, leaning over Lance. “I’m right here, sweetheart,” he murmured. “Returned from the war – or wherever you decided I was in this weird little fantasy of yours.”

Lance hid the sudden, rapid hammering of his heart by giving a theatrical gasp, one hand reaching up toward Keith’s face. “Can it be?” he asked. “My dashing soldier has returned from across the stars? Is this real?”

Keith held his gaze for a moment, and Lance held his breath. One of Keith’s hands moved – fingers brushing gently across Lance’s cheek. “Nope!” He grinned, rolling over and flopping back onto his side of the bed. “Just a dream.”

“Rude.” Lance grumbled. “And just when the dream was getting good,” he added with a wink in Keith’s direction.

He heard Keith chuckle in the dark. “Go to sleep for real,” he said. “And you have an _actual_ good dream about Allura or someone.”

“Nope. Too late. You played into my fantasy, Keith.” Lance tucked his arms behind his head. “I have no choice but to dream about you, now.”

“Hm. Hope you enjoy it, then.”

“Oh, I will, don’t you worry!” He paused to draw in a breath and then rushed on before he could stop himself. “And Keith? I never – never slept with Allura. I’ve never…slept with anyone who matters.”

“Neither have I.”

Keith’s response was so quiet and automatic, it shot Lance upright like he had been shocked. “Keith – fuck, I didn’t mean…I didn’t mean to bring up –“

Keith rolled over to face him. “It’s fine. It’s just the truth.”

“But you love someone.” It was the darkness of the room; the quiet of the night; the shared intimacy of a single bed that made the words slip out, unbidden. “You said you thought of someone you love, so…so, I mean, you have someone who matters. It’s not always going to be bad. It’s not always going to be…”

_Tell me,_ he thought ferociously. _Please tell me who it is._

 

_Tell me it’s me._

 

Keith offered up a sleepy smile, his eyes sliding shut as he let out a long breath. “Yeah. That’s a good dream.”

“It doesn’t have to be a dream,” Lance pressed softly, but Keith didn’t answer. Lance waited for a moment longer, holding his breath, but it seemed that Keith had either actually drifted off to sleep, or was doing an excellent job of faking it.

He lay down, rolling onto his side as he stared unashamedly at Keith’s face, half-illuminated by the soft light drifting in through the glass door to the balcony.

“Who do you love, Keith?” he whispered into the silence.

 

But there was no reply.

 

 

 

 

Lance dreamed of Keith that night, but not the dream he wanted.

Keith’s eyes stared up at him, open and unblinking. His hand was on Keith’s chest, shaking him. His mouth opened, but he couldn’t scream in this dream. He tried over and over, getting more and more frantic as something held his voice back –

 

“Lance. _Lance_ , wake up!”

 

His eyes flew open, and he was breathing hard, shaking; his heart racing in his chest.

“It was a dream. It was only a bad dream.”

He turned wide, frightened eyes toward the sound of the familiar voice. He was still half in the dream, and when his eyes fell on a face in the dim light, he let out a sound that was something like a whimper. His hands reached out, and he felt a reassuring touch in return. Strong arms wrapped around him, pulling him close. His face pressed against a solid chest and felt the warmth beneath his cheek; heard the steady rhythm of a beating heart.

_Keith –_

He thought he must have said the name out loud because an answer came immediately, calm and reassuring.

“I’m here. It’s okay. Everything is okay. You were just having a bad dream.”

He only began to breath evenly when fingers started carding through his hair, combing it back and away from his face.

His arms wrapped around a torso, squeezing tightly so he could feel the rise and fall of every breath beneath his arms.

 

 

“I’m so tired of watching you die.” His voice was weak and shaky when it came, interrupting the stillness of the night. It was a plea to his subconscious – a wish to be shown something good for once when he fell asleep; to be shown anything but those dull, unseeing eyes and motionless chest.

Lips were pressed firmly to his forehead. “Shh,” came the voice, hushed and familiar and comforting. “Sweetheart. It’s okay. You don’t have to worry about that. You don’t have to worry about anything.”

But he wasn’t over it yet; he was still half in the nightmare, trying to scream. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry for what happened to you. You deserve so much happiness…I’m so sorry –“

Fingers traced down the side of his face, coming to rest against his cheek, holding his head steady. He could feel lips move against his forehead as words drifted to his ears, “You make me happy. As long as you’re here, that’s all I need.”

It must still be the dream, he realized. It was his mind giving him what he wanted hear.

That was okay, then.

As long as he didn’t have to look into those eyes that would never look back at him anymore.

He relaxed into the warmth of the arms around him, letting out a tremulous breath as he felt lips press against his forehead again, then the tip of his nose and his cheek…

“You’re all I have ever needed,” the voice murmured through the haze of his sleepy mind. “Go back to sleep, Lance.”

 

 

 

 

 

Lance was distracted for most of the journey back to Earth, and it seemed Keith also had a lot on his mind because the cockpit remained in a state of comfortable silence for most of the flight.

Lance’s mind kept drifting back to memory of waking that morning:

 

The comforting weight of an arm around his chest.

A warm body pressed against his side.

Soft breath ghosting over the skin of his neck.

 

_You make me happy._

_You’re all I have ever needed._

 

The memory that accompanied those words had almost made him reach out on several occasions to curl his fingers around Keith’s.

And then he would remember that it might have all been a dream.

 

 

After returning the ship to the Garrison hangar and giving Iverson their mission report, Lance offered to drive Keith back to his apartment.

The two of them remained quiet for most of that trip as well, the whir of the wheels on pavement kept company only by the soft music playing over the car’s radio.

Lance parked in the nearest spot he found, and they both got out, Keith grabbing his overnight pack from the backseat.

As they began to walk side by side up the stretch of sidewalk leading to Keith’s apartment building, Lance began to unconsciously drag his feet.

From the slow pace Keith kept beside him, he suspected the feeling of not wanting this to end might be mutual.

When he and Keith finally stepped up to the doorway, Lance’s heart was beating loudly in his chest. He had walked Keith to his apartment numerous times, but there was something different about this time.

 

Something had shifted in the air between them during this trip.

Something that made Lance want to take Keith’s hand.

Something that made Lance want to be brave.

Something that terrified him to the very core of his being.

 

He wanted to press Keith back against the door and finally close the distance between them completely.

He wanted Keith to invite him in.

“I should probably…” he mumbled instead, his eyes fixed on the ground.

“Yeah.” Keith’s voice was quiet and resigned. “Yeah, you probably should.” But before Lance could move, Keith cleared his throat, adding hesitantly. “Or…I mean, do you want to…?”

He didn’t finish the sentence, but he didn’t have to because Lance was already nodding. “If you don’t mind.”

The two of them stepped into the barren one-room apartment, and Lance made a beeline to the mattress on the floor in one corner, letting his body go limp as he fell face first across it – limbs flailing haphazardly out at his sides.

He could almost see the smirk on Keith’s face as he asked from the doorway. “Coffee?”

“If you have a syringe, could you just inject it into my veins? Thanks.”

That drew a laugh, and he heard Keith shuffling around the kitchen area as he started to prepare the drinks.

After a minute of lying face down, Lance heaved himself over onto his back with a groan. He glanced around the apartment from his sideways vantage point.

“Thank God you’re gonna move out of here,” he said. “Seriously, man, this is probably the most depressing place I’ve ever been to. It makes prison cells look homey.”

Keith paused, one hand raised toward a cabinet as he reached for a mug. He didn’t need to turn for Lance to see his entire thought process and know what question was coming before Keith even asked it.

“Did you –“

“ _Yes_.”

Keith did turn then, as Lance pushed himself up to a sitting position, leaning back on his arms.

“What?”

“You were going to ask if I had actually meant what I said before.” Lance raised an eyebrow at Keith, expectant. “You’ve been thinking about it on the trip back, and you’ve been wondering if I even remembered, I bet. You weren’t going to bring it up unless I did, but it’s something you actually want to do because – let’s face it – this place is literally the worst place for you to live.” He swept an arm around the unfurnished room with it’s bare, white walls and artificial light. “But here’s the thing, either you move in with my family and get to eat delicious food every day and teach Nadia how to draw, or I move in here with you and we make this shabby little room a nice place to live. Those are your options, because I don’t want you to be alone anymore.”

Keith had been staring at him with wide eyes throughout the whole speech. At the last sentence, he broke their gaze, leaning back against the kitchen counter, crossing his arm over his chest. “I’ve been alone for most of my life.” His voice was a little rough, and he refused to look up even as Lance got to his feet. “It’s easier for me to stay that way.”

The floorboards creaked as Lance crossed the room. “Is it easier?” he asked gently. “Or is that just what you think you deserve?”

Keith’s head snapped up, eyes wide and a little wild as he met Lance’s gaze ready to defend his statement.

“Because I know what you deserve,” Lance pressed on before he could speak. “And moreover, I think I know what you actually want…and that’s a family.”

“I have a family.”

“I’m not trying to discredit Krolia.” Lance put a hand on one hip, meeting the sharp tone of Keith’s voice head on. He knew by now it was just a defense mechanism against admitting something he thought he shouldn’t. “But I think you’ve always wanted a family like mine. I think you’ve wanted family dinners and holiday celebrations and everyone pitching in the help around the house. I think you want petty arguments and heartfelt midnight talks over cups of tea. You want to be surrounded by people who love you and are not afraid to show it. You want –“

“What I don’t want is to hurt the people I care about!” Keith’s hands curled around the edge of the counter, his voice lashing out as he tried to fend off the truth of Lance’s words. “Because I am going to go back out there. I’m going to go back out on missions and then maybe in a year or two I’m eventually going to die or get captured again, and the more people I let into my life, the more people I will end up hurting or disappointing – or putting themselves in danger like you did!”

The urge to yell was almost overwhelming, but Lance shoved it deep down inside himself and forced his face to remain calm. He slid his fingers over Keith’s knuckles as he gripped the counter. “Keith,” he said simply. “What do you think I would do if you died?”

“It would depend on what I could accomplish with my death.”

“It would depend on _nothing_.” Lance chose to ignore that strange statement. “You are the most important person I have ever had in my life. I told you that already. Krolia is right to keep you away from the Blades – and I will help her do that until you start treating _yourself_ as important.” He had never spoken with more conviction. “So pick one: Are you going back to my house to move in with my family, or should I go get my stuff right now so I can move in here?” When Keith only stared at him with wide eyes and an open mouth, he softened his voice as he added, “If it’s the only thing I ever do in my fucking life, I am going to prove to you you don’t have to be alone.”

Keith bowed his head as if maintaining eye contact with Lance was painful. “I don’t want to be selfish.”

“Keith, look at me.” When he didn’t, Lance ducked down, trying to catch Keith’s eye. “Hey –“ He smiled softly when Keith finally raised his eyes. “You are selfish in the same way I am worthless. Both are not true.” He put his hands on Keith’s shoulders, squeezing gently. “Would you be happy if you came to live with me and my family?”

The struggle inside Keith’s head showed plainly on his face, and when he finally answered, Lance understood how hard it had been to admit. “Yes.”

“Okay, then. It’s decided. Pack up your shit and let’s go!” He stepped away, turning to go grab his jacket from where he’d dropped it near Keith’s mattress.

A hand around his wrist stopped him.

He didn’t have time to turn back before Keith’s arms were wrapping around his waist from behind. He felt Keith’s nose press against the back of his neck, sending shivers down his spine from the point of contact.

“Hey –“ Lance pried Keith’s arms open a little – just far enough so he could turn around, wrapping his arms around his friend and squeezing tightly. He pressed his face into Keith’s neck.

He was too happy and relieved to hide his feelings completely; too exhausted to care if this was the kind of hug you give someone when you want them to know that your heart belongs to them.

Even if he had cared, the words Keith whispered in his ear would have driven it away:

“I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

Lance choked out a sound between distress and devotion, tightening his arms until he knew Keith’s ribs might be hurting at the pressure. “Good. Then we want the same thing.”

Keith’s hands slid down his sides, fingers curling around the fabric of his shirt and pulling it tight against his skin.

They stayed that way, simply holding each other as seconds turned into minutes, and time began to lose meaning. The longer they stayed that way – and Keith did not pull away from the hug – the more Lance wondered what would happen if he just tilted his head a little and pressed a kiss to the base of Keith’s throat. What would happen if he left a trail of tender kisses up the side of Keith’s neck and across his cheek? What would Keith do if Lance pressed him back against the counter and kissed his mouth? How would Keith react if Lance called him _sweetheart_ with their lips only centimeters apart?

 

 

 

It was the second time a sound interrupted a moment between them as Keith’s phone chimed.

As they pulled apart, and Keith turned back toward the counter where he had set the phone down, Lance wished with all of himself that what he was seeing on Keith’s face was actually disappointment and annoyance, and he wasn’t just imagining it.

Whatever the expression on Keith’s face was morphed into a frown as he read the text.

“What’s wrong?”

Keith put the phone on speaker and held it out between them, still frowning. Lance could hear the faint ringing through the device. “Shiro. He just said to call whenever I have a chance and he doesn’t usually –“

_“Keith?”_

“Hey,” he responded to the voice from the other end. “I’m just here with Lance. Are you okay?”

_“Oh. Hey, Lance,”_ came Shiro’s voice.

“Hey, Shiro.”

“Are you okay?” Keith repeated.

_“Yeah_ ,” Shiro said. “ _Yes, I am, in fact. Just some news I wanted to tell you. I was hoping to tell you in person, but I also didn’t want to wait, so –“_

“Wait, is this –?” Keith was obviously picking up on something Lance was missing from this vague conversation.

_“Um, yeah. Yeah.”_ Shiro’s voice sounded light and almost giddy, like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. “ _Curtis and I are engaged.”_

“Holy shit!” Lance burst out as Keith answered with the more appropriate response of “Congratulations!”

“Yeah, congratulations, man!” Lance echoed, a little stunned. He had known they’d been dating for a while, but he hadn’t known they were at that stage yet. Of all the things that could have interrupted his moment with Keith…he was okay with this one.

“I am so happy for you both.” Keith was holding the phone in both hands, cradling it like it was something precious. “Wait, do I get to give Curtis a little brother talk like _If you hurt Shiro I’ll hunt you down and dismember you_ type thing?”

_“No. No, you are not going to say that to my fiancée, Keith,”_ Shiro’s voice immediately switched from happy to absolute seriousness. “ _Because he will believe you – and he will be correct in doing so.”_

The conversation carried on, and Lance settled into the role of outside observer. The news had really been for Keith – he was most likely the first person Shiro had wanted to tell – so Lance hung back and let them share in the celebration together.

He thought his presence had been momentarily forgotten until Keith glanced up and met his eyes. Shiro was still talking on the other end, but Keith held Lance’s gaze long enough to let a bright, dazzling grin light up his face.

 

Thinking back on their years together, Lance couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment he had started to fall for Keith, but he made a mental note of this moment – right here and now. He saved that image of the sheer joy on Keith’s face and locked it away in his vault of good memories.

Because if anyone asked him again to find a word for how much he cared about Keith, that was the moment he knew exactly how to answer.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](https://erithel.tumblr.com/)   
>  [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ErithEl)   
>  [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/erithel/?hl=en)   
>  [Voltron Comic](https://tapas.io/episode/1299614)


	9. Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith moves in, and for a while it's good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so we had our little angst break in the last chapter, but now we're back.  
> There's a lot going on here and I hope it all makes sense because I only fully edited through it, like, once. >_<
> 
>  
> 
> ALSO: I started posting a new fan comic on my Tapas and Tumblr (linked below). It a lot lighter than this, so if you need a break, it will be posted every other day for as long as I'm able to keep that up!

 

 

 

CHAPTER NINE: SACRIFICE

 

 

 

“How long is Uncle Keith staying this time?”

Lance had been expecting this question from either his niece or nephew. He would have preferred it not come while he was currently kneeling in a layer of hay holding a squirming chicken in both hands, but he knew from experience kids didn’t always have the best sense of timing.

He twisted, setting the indignant bird down with a hushed, “You know I have to collect your eggs Mrs. Feathersworth. Patience yields focus.”

The chicken clucked at him before hurrying off to join the other chickens outside the coop.

Lance glanced up at Sylvio. The little boy stood near the entrance of the enclosure, his skinny arms wrapped tightly around a basket. Lance almost smiled at the anxious expression on the boy’s face, but thought better of it. “Hey,” he said gently. “Remember if you hold the basket too tightly you’ll crack the eggs.”

“Sorry Uncle Lance.” Sylvio’s grip relaxed, but his lower lip still stuck out in a concentrated pout.

Lance ducked his head to look into a low nest box. “You know,” he said. “I think Uncle Keith might be staying with us for a long time, actually. Hopefully he’ll be staying with us _indefinitely_. Do you know what that word means, bud?” He pulled two eggs from their hiding place in the hay and twisted around to place them gently in the basket.

Sylvio’s brow creased and his lip jutted out a tiny bit more. “You mean he’s going to live with us like part of the family?”

Lance studied his nephew’s face. “Yeah, I think he just might this time. What would you think of that?”

The little boy’s arms tightened once again around the basket of eggs. “Uncle Lance, can I ask you something?”

Lance sat back on his heels. “Sure, bud. What’s up?”

“You always tell Nadia and me the truth, right?”

Lance had no idea where this was going, but from the way Sylvio was acting, he knew whatever was coming next was important to the boy. Over the years, he had always tried to be open and honest with his niece and nephew, despite how young they were. He tried even more so when one of them asked him a serious question – reasoning that if they were showing the courage to actually ask, they deserved a serious answer. “Yes, if it’s something important,” he relied. “Nobody is honest 100% of the time, but I try to tell you the truth when it matters.”

The boy was quiet for a second, shifting his feet. “Was Uncle Keith dying?”

Lance turned to fully face his nephew, his eyebrows knitting together in a frown. “When? Do you mean when we all went to visit him in the hospital?”

Sylvio nodded, chewing on his bottom lip. “Grandpa said he was okay, but I know grown-ups lie a lot to kids like me.” He finally looked up and met Lance’s eyes. “I remember when you were in the hospital, but that was okay because you were awake and talking to us, but…” He trailed off, and Lance remembered the scene his family had walked into that day – the bandages that didn’t quite hide all the bruising, the medically induced coma making Keith completely unresponsive, the monitors beeping –

“Grown-ups lie about things like this because they don’t want you to worry about something you can’t control or fix – but that’s a conversation for another day.” Lance looked Sylvio in the eye and said quietly, “If my friends and I had not gone out there to rescue Uncle Keith…yes. He would have died. He was hurt very badly, but by the time you saw him in the hospital, the doctors had made sure he was going to live. I know it must have looked pretty scary though, huh?”

Sylvio looked down at the basket in his arms. “Family shouldn’t worry each other like that,” he mumbled. “If he’s gonna be family, then he can’t do that again.”

Lance stood up, stifling a groan as his legs stretched after being crouched in one position for so long. “I completely agree, my little man,” he said. He had to bend low so his head didn’t hit the roof of the coop as he stepped towards the entrance. “I was scared too, you know.” Lance drew in a big breath as he stepped through the doorway, Sylvio right on his heels, basket clutched in his arms. “Do you want to know a secret about Uncle Keith, bud?”

“Yeah.”

Lance bent down at the waist, looking the boy in the eye. “You know how you have a mom and dad who love you, and a big family who loves you – including the best Uncle in the universe?” He winked, placing a hand on his chest. “Well, Uncle Keith wasn’t as lucky like you are, when he was growing up. He didn’t have a family like that, and sometimes he forgets that people worry about him. Sometimes he forgets that it’s scary if he gets hurt. So I’ve got a secret mission for you, okay?”

Lance couldn’t hide his grin at the enthusiasm in the bobbing of Sylvio’s head as he emphatically agreed. He stretched a finger out and touched it to the end of his nephew’s nose. “Your mission is to help me convince Uncle Keith that he should live with us. Like family. We have to convince him that we love him and care about him and don’t want to see him in the hospital anymore, yeah?”

Determination shone on Sylvio’s face. “Yes,” he said, serious and firm.

Lance straightened up, bringing his hand up in a salute. “I’m counting on you, buddy.”

Sylvio almost dropped the basket, trying to mimic Lance’s gesture. “Yes, sir!” he shouted.

Lance was able to snatch the basket from his nephew just in time, as the sound of a car pulling into the gravel driveway stole the boy’s attention completely.

Chickens and eggs forgotten, he hurried across the lawn toward the front yard where two figures were exiting the vehicle.

Lance slowly followed after his nephew, an amused smile twisting his face as Sylvio stomped directly over to Keith as he nudged the passenger door shut with one hip, a bag of groceries in his arms. Planting himself directly in Keith’s path, Sylvio shoved his little hands onto his hips.

“I’m on a secret mission with Uncle Lance,” he stated, pointing a determined finger at Keith’s startled face. “So you’re family, now – and that means no more going to the hospital. If you do go to the hospital, you have to be awake with no tubes.” Satisfied his point had been made effectively, the little boy whirled around, stomping back over to Lance. He took the basket from his hands before parading into the house without looking back.

The expression on Keith’s face was too befuddled for Lance not to laugh as he sidled over to the two by the car. His dad had a grin on his face, his eyes twinkling as he leaned in, nudging Keith with an elbow. “It means he was worried about you when you were in the hospital, and he doesn’t want you doing anything to get yourself hurt again.” He grinned as Keith gave him a confused look. “I have five children, plus two grandkids. It’s a whole new language, but you pick up on it pretty quickly.”

He left the two of them alone, then, walking toward the house. They could hear him calling out for his wife from just inside the front door.

Lance raised one eyebrow, putting a hand on his hip.

Keith mimicked his facial expression. He shifted the bag he was holding into one arm. “A secret mission with Uncle Lance, huh?”

Lance was still grinning at him. “Yup. Top secret. Classified, even.”

Keith sighed heavily. “Too bad. I thought we were a team, but if you’re going to be keeping secrets from me, I’m not going to tell you any of mine from now on.”

Lance made a soft _tutting_ sound. “I’m older and wiser now, man. You can’t bait me like that anymore.”

The grin Keith flashed him in response almost made Lance crack and spill every single secret he had ever held. “Are you sure? I’ve got a _really_ good secret I could tell you.”

 _So do I_.

 

Lance’s next thought hit him with all the force of a sledgehammer, knocking the air from his lungs.

_But does it have to be a secret?_

_You could tell him,_ his mind whispered – nudging him forward, egging him on. _You could say something right now. This could be the moment you –_

 

“Was he really worried about me?”

Keith’s question drew Lance’s attention back to the actual person standing before him. He laughed, punching Keith lightly in the shoulder. “Yeah, man, of course he was! We all were.”

He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world – but, then again, Keith was never one to pick up on obvious things, and this seemed to be no exception.

Gently, Lance took the bag from Keith’s arm, shifting it to rest against his hip, as one would hold a small child. He cocked his head to one side and gave Keith a bemused and affectionate look. “Keith…you know everyone in my family loves you.”

He felt trapped by the unreadable expression Keith gave him, then – pinned and restrained, but not helpless; like he could move if he really wanted to, but he was perfectly fine just where he was.

“Does that include you?”

The way Keith was looking at him, and the tone of his voice all said something Lance couldn’t quite understand. It was like Keith was searching for something; trying to find the answer he was looking for, and all Lance knew was that he had to choose his next words very carefully.

He had to be especially careful because all he wanted to do was grab Keith by the shoulders and tell him _Of course I love you, you moron!_ But if he said that now, all Keith would think was that Lance loved him in the same way his family loved him, and that wasn’t true.

“You’ve asked me that before, you know,” he said, stalling a little – trying to figure out what Keith was after. “You already know the answer.”

Keith held his gaze; unflinching and unreadable. “It’s still nice to hear it.”

In the years they had known each other, Lance had learned to pay extra care whenever Keith let slip his own quiet kind of vulnerability. It always came through in a way that was so subtle, it could be easily missed – but Lance had tried for so many years to understand him, he recognized it instantly when it showed through the façade.

And so he let his guard down. He stopped trying to overthink the situation, and let his heart guide him to what he should say.

The moment it came to him, he knew it was right.

“No, Keith,” he whispered. “It doesn’t include me. Do you know why?”

Keith only bit his lip and shook his head.

“Because it’s different.”

He hoped Keith would understand what he was trying to express through those words. They had been said so many times over the past several months – and now it was the only thing that seemed to fit their situation.

 

 

 

_‘Lance, it’s different. With Keith…the way he feels, it’s just different.’_

_‘I’m your guy, and right now, Keith…you’re too close to the edge.’_

_A sad smile twisting Keith’s lips. ‘It’s different.’_

_‘No, it’s – it’s different, okay? With me and with you, it’s…just different.’_

 

 

 

He met Keith’s eyes steadily, hoping, wishing – _I can tell you why,_ he thought forcefully. _I can tell you everything._

The smile Keith gave him made the rotation of the earth grind to a halt.

“Yeah,” Keith agreed, turning back toward the house, letting his smile linger for a second over his shoulder. “It is different.”

And Lance needed a couple seconds to learn to breathe again as Keith walked into the house because the way Keith had said that made him wonder if they meant _different_ in the exact same way.

 

 

 

 

 

**Twenty-Seven Months Ago**

 

 

_The shovel struck the ground with a satisfying thunk, sinking deep into the freshly turned soil._

_“Just leave me alone!” Lance growled. “I don’t want your help. I don’t want your company. What are you even doing here?”_

_The old Keith would have gotten riled up at the callous bite of Lance’s voice; the unnecessary way he was lashing out. He needed that Keith, now. He needed to yell and have it be justified by the ensuing argument._

_What he absolutely did **not** need right then was what Keith was actually giving him – because yelling at someone and not having them yell back just made him feel like as asshole. _

_“You’ve been out here for six hours without a break. You’re going to pass out.”_

_“So?” He hated how infuriatingly calm Keith sounded. He hated that he knew deep down he was acting like a child, and Keith was right – but there was no way in hell he was going to admit it. “Who fucking cares, man?” He took a step forward and got right up in Keith’s personal space, hoping to provoke some reaction from him. “I have a job to do, and that comes first. Isn’t that right? Isn’t that what you would do?”_

_“This isn’t a mission. And you’re not me.”_

_“Oh, I’m perfectly aware I’m not you,” Lance hissed at him through clenched teeth. “Because you’re so perfect. First in his class without even trying. Leader of Voltron when he didn’t even want it. Big fucking hero of the war. Humanitarian savior of the Galaxy.” He stepped back, shaking his head in disgust. “You’re too important to be wasting your time here, because no matter what I do, it’s never enough.” The dam was cracking, and truth was spilling out – pushing against the barrier, urging Lance to just let go of any and all control. “I try to do the same things as you, but you’ll always be better. I try to save Coran and get myself blown up in the process, leaving the team a man down. I try to step down from Voltron because I was holding everyone back – and you just up and leave so I can’t. I try to save Allura from getting hit when that radiation shield malfunctioned and I go and get myself killed! She was the real hero that day because she was the one who brought me back like she did with Shiro!” He threw his hands up in the air – his emotions breaking free as the dam burst. It was almost freeing to say everything he had been keeping inside all these years, and a part of him thrilled as he prepared for the ensuing argument his outburst would bring. “I try to make her happy, and all I do is make her want to sacrifice herself!”_

_He closed his eyes, breathing hard, as he silently urged Keith, **Go on…yell back. Give me something. You know you want to.**_

_He mentally prepared himself to rebuff any contradiction that came his way – and bitterness settled into his chest when no response came._

_He turned on his friend, preparing to yell at him._

_The expression on Keith’s face stopped him cold._

_“What are you talking about?” Keith whispered, sounding so shaken it took an actual effort for Lance to hang onto his fury and bitterness._

_“What?” he demanded. “I’m talking about how I –“_

_“The part about the radiation shield.” Keith was just staring at him; staring like he had just heard the worst news of his life. Staring with those wide, dark eyes that had always made Lance’s stomach do weird things. “The part about Allura bringing you back.”_

_Right, Lance remembered. Keith hadn’t been there for that mission because he had chosen to leave them and run away instead. That thought rekindled the anger inside him. It drove him to stand up straighter, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes. It made him choose words with the specific purpose and tone; words that would bite. Words that held all the bitter memories of that time – all the loneliness and confusion and anger he’d felt. “Oh right. That part? You mean the thing that nobody knew about; that nobody ever asked about? The thing you missed because you were off being a fucking hero? Well guess what, man? In the end there was something I was better at than you because you’re definitely the type to throw yourself into danger with no concern for your safety or yourself – but I actually followed through on it. I actually **did** give my life for someone else, Keith, and you weren’t even there to see my –“ _

_He had meant the words to **hurt**. _

_He had **not** meant for them to make Keith look up at him with wide, shiny eyes, like Lance had just slapped him across the face._

_“I wasn’t there…and you died.”_

_He had **not**_ _meant to make Keith sound like that – small and broken and scared and guilty._

_He had meant the words to hurt in a way that made Keith lash out at him – in anger and disappointment. In disapproval as his team leader, and annoyance as his friend._

_He had **not** meant for whatever this reaction was because it didn’t make sense._

_“N-no,” Lance attempted to backtrack, his brow furrowed as he tried to figure out why Keith was acting this way. “That’s not… I didn’t mean it like…”_

_“You_ **_died?”_**

_Lance was left with his mouth open, not knowing how to respond as a tear slid down Keith’s cheek, dripping off his chin and falling into the upturned soil at his feet. “Come on, man,” he finally attempted. “It’s not a big deal. It didn’t stick.”_

**“ _Fuck you, Lance!”_**

_When Keith did lash out, Lance understood – the sharp distress in Keith’s voice finally causing the pieces to fall into place._

_He had meant the words to hurt Keith – but not like this, because this hurt was real._

_The tears Keith was angrily scrubbing away were real, and Lance hated it._

_The way Keith’s hands trembled and his shoulder slumped – the way he was desperately trying to mask his tears with a show of anger…it was all too real, and Lance didn’t want it._

_“You…” He stared at Keith in disbelief. “You really care, don’t you? You actually, really care.”_

_“Of course I fucking care!”_

_They locked eyes for a moment, and Lance felt like all the air had been sucked out of the space around them. Everything else vanished – the fields, the ground, the sky, the birds, the sun – and he couldn’t seem to focus on anything other than the horrible, wretched way Keith was looking at him._

_Because this was Keith who used to never give Lance the time of day._

_Keith, who Lance had unconsciously chased after, just so they could walk side by side._

_Keith, who Lance had wanted so desperately to be acknowledged by, it drove him to snap and snark and tease at every opportunity – just so he could stand out from the pack._

_Keith, who was looking at Lance with red-rimmed eyes and his bottom lip clamped between his teeth._

_Keith, who had never been good at vocalizing his feelings – but was standing before Lance in this moment, showing him beyond a shadow of a doubt that he cared._

_Keith, who had come out here to make sure Lance was okay._

_Keith who had found him on the beach at his lowest moment and brought him back._

_Lance didn’t know who moved first. All he knew was the next moment Keith’s arms were around him, squeezing him so tightly it drove the air from his body. But he didn’t care because he was squeezing back just as hard._

_The world around him was still a hazy memory because he pressed his nose to the warm skin of Keith’s neck – and nothing else mattered. He didn’t know which one of them was trembling – maybe it was both. All he knew was Keith smelled of earth and sunshine and the desert. All he knew was the sensation of Keith’s fingers winding through his hair at the back of his head, and the softest brush that felt like lips being pressed to the exposed skin just above his collarbone._

_A watery sniff came from where Keith’s face was buried in the crook of Lance’s neck. “You fucking asshole.” The words were soft and affectionate and forlorn. “You don’t get to die like that.”_

_“It’s not like I had any control over it.”_

_Keith’s arms tightened around him. “Maybe not. But if there’s a next time…I’ll be there. If there’s a next time, I won’t let it happen.”_

_Lance dropped his forehead onto Keith’s shoulder. “You always have to one-up me, don’t you?” And then, because he was still hurting, “I’m surprised when Allura and I got together you didn’t just casually stroll in with, like, a literal god on your arm like ‘oh, you’re dating now? That’s cool but Quazar and I have been married for five years, actually.’”_

_Keith pulled away from the hug, giving Lance a suspicious look. “You know about Quazar? But our love has been forbidden. Where did you get this information?”_

_Lance’s face strained as he pressed his lips together in an attempt to control the involuntary smile pulling at his mouth. “Well, I guess there’s a mole in the Inter-dimensional Galactic Royal Household of Deities. Someone let your secret slip, so you obviously have to end it with him – or risk the wrath of the Gods, Keith.” Lance stepped back, putting both hands on his hips. “Too bad. You’re going to have to give up on Quazar and marry someone totally normal and completely mundane, so I can be the one to find a partner out of this world that other people will be totally jealous of.” He paused for a second and then snorted, waving a hand between them. “Which, ironically, would be exactly the case if we married each other!” He chuckled, before the sound died in his throat as he looked up and saw the wide-eyed expression on Keith’s face._

**_Too far,_** _he scolded himself._ **_You took it too far and now he’s –_**

_“Did you…” Keith swallowed, before he cocked his head and let a slow grin stretch across his face, spreading warmth to his eyes in a way that had Lance unconsciously holding his breath. “Did you just call me out of this world? Lance –“ he bent forward at the waist slightly, pushing his face a little bit further into Lance’s personal space. “Did you just use a cheesy pick-up line on me?”_

_“What?” Lance recoiled, shoving his entire palm over Keith’s face to push him away. “Of course not. Like I would ever use one of my perfect pick-up lines that absolutely work every time on you!” He scoffed, raising an eyebrow to hammer his point home, adding,_ _“Mullet.”_

_Keith rolled his eyes. “I’ve told you, it’s not even a mullet.” He held up a finger, taking several steps backwards as if a thought had just occurred to him. “But you know what? I bet someone in your family has an electric razor. I think I’m gonna go find it and shave my head so you won’t complain about my hair anymore.”_

_Lance crossed his arms, giving Keith a leveled gaze. “Right. Sure. You go do that.”_

_Keith only shrugged before spinning around and jogging off toward the house._

_Lance watched him, waiting for him to turn back and admit he had been bluffing. When that didn’t happen, he started to get worried. “Keith,” he called warily after his friend. “You weren’t being serious, right?” When he got no response, he waved his hands frantically through the air even though Keith’s back was turned. “Hey! Don’t you dare, man! Keith – I’m warning you…don’t you dare go in that house!” When there was still no response, Lance growled, hurrying after his friend._

_He had almost caught up, when Keith cast a look over his shoulder and, smirking, took off in a full-out sprint._

_Lance let out a wordless yell before chasing after Keith. He caught up just as they swung around the side of the house. Lance grabbed him by the arm and dragged him back, shoving him against the wall and pinning one wrist above his head while he used his free hand to shove a finger in Keith’s face._

_“You –“ he gasped, out of breath from running. “I was – was_ **_obviously_** _joking, you idiot!”_

_Keith was panting, but a wide grin was plastered across his face. “Okay. Okay, fine. How about we compromise? I’ll keep my hair if you come inside and have some water and food? I’ll even let you continue to make fun of me. How does that sound?”_

_Lance pulled away from him sharply, staring with his mouth hanging open. “You…” he said in shocked realization. “You manipulative asshole!”_

_Keith raised both eyebrows, trying to look innocent. “It worked, though, right?”_

_“I hate you so much.”_

_Keith’s grin slipped into something softer as he chuckled. “No you don’t.”_

_Lance glared at him for a second before groaning and slinging an arm around Keith’s shoulders. “No I fucking don’t. What’s there to eat?”_

_As the two of them walked around the side of the house heading toward the front door, a fleeting thought entered Lance’s mind. It was just a flicker of a feeling, and it was gone before it could fully settle into his consciousness. Briefly, though, as he felt Keith’s arm slip around his waist, giving him a tiny, reassuring squeeze, the words formed once before floating away…_

 

**_Maybe I am good enough._ **

 

 

 

 

**Present Day**

 

 

“Let me get this straight –“

Lance glanced between Shiro, Iverson, Curtis and Veronica who all were staring at him with different levels of confusion.

“You want to work at the Garrison as a counselor?”

Lance wiped sweaty palms on his jeans, nervous under their scrutiny. “Yes,” he said, then cleared his throat and tried again. “Like I said, I think I could be a big help. I know I don’t have the training to be an actual therapist, but –“

“There isn’t the position of counselor available for you to fill,” Iverson stated. “You attended the Garrison. You know this.”

“I do know,” Lance agreed. “That’s why I’m asking to create one.”

“Since a position like this does not yet exist, can you tell us why you believe it is necessary?”

When Lance glanced in Shiro’s direction, he was met with a look of calm assuredness, almost as if the man was urging him _Trust me and answer the question_.

Lance nodded. “We were just kids when Voltron came into our lives. We were kids who didn’t know how to deal with our emotions and all the things we were suddenly swept up in. The world has changed because of the war, and sometimes it can be too much to process. Sometimes all it takes to help alleviate some of that chaos is having someone to listen; someone who will understand.” When Lance faltered, unsure of what to say next, Shiro jumped on the tail end of his sentence and took off.

“I don’t have many memories of my clone, but I do get flashes here and there. I remember him reaching out to Lance as someone he felt he could talk to. I also remember him lashing out, and for that I apologize.” He inclined his head. “But the important thing is Lance is one of those people you find yourself instinctively confiding in, and you’re not even sure why.”

“He was the youngest of our siblings,” Veronica added. “But he was always the one who would notice when we weren’t feeling ourselves. He always let us know he knew something wasn’t right and he was there if we wanted to talk about it.” She smiled fondly at her brother. “He was six years old when he first tried to get me to open up about something that was bothering me. I think it’s a good idea.”

“I have been a cadet at the Garrison.” Lance leaned forward, addressing Iverson who still looked unsure. “I have dealt with aliens and battles and emotions I wasn’t ready to face. I’ve dealt with danger and heartbreak and death and sacrifice. I have so much experience, and I truly believe I can be of help for anyone who needs it.”

“There is more to being a counselor than just letting the kids talk to you,” Iverson stated. “Dealing with things as tricky as mental health and emotions…it can get messy, and there are certain protocols that would need to be adhered to.”

“Maybe we could have him sit down with a licensed therapist to go over some ground rules.” Curtis leaned forward, catching Iverson’s eye. “Remember, it was Lance who was the only one Keith allowed around him consistently after he was brought back from Zaleer. If you’re talking about delicate issues that have to be handled with the greatest care…I don’t know if you can get more delicate than that.”

“And Keith has improved immensely, physically and mentally,” Shiro added.

“Um, obviously most of that is on him.” Lance shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I was just there if he needed me.”

Curtis gave Lance a warm smile. They hadn’t had much interaction over the years, but they had met several times before – and on those occasions Lance had always found him to be friendly and kind. “That’s my point, though,” Curtis said. “Keith needed you. _Specifically_ you. I know it’s different –” He veered away from the rest of that sentence as Shiro gave him a pointed glance that was not quite subtle enough for Lance to miss. “The point is, from what Shiro told me, he was still very closed off and dismissive when he spoke with the counselor on staff at the hospital. Lance was the only one he opened up to, and I think that says a lot.”

Shiro was nodding along in agreement. “If I’ve learned anything from my personal experiences, it is that sometimes all you need is an empathetic person who is going to sit with you and listen. The initial reaction of most people is to immediately try to _fix_ _the problem_. Sometimes the problem is not ready to be fixed, though, and that can only end up causing more distress – if someone feels they are supposed to be “fixed” before they have had time to even properly process the issues they are dealing with.” The weight of Shiro’s own trauma shone heavy on his face. Lance’s heart wrenched painfully as he remembered how much Shiro had been through, and how much effort it must have taken to be strong for them in the beginning like he had. “I have known Keith since he was a kid. He doesn’t open up. He doesn’t talk about his problems. But he did with you.” His eyes flicked up to lock evenly onto Lance’s. “I have tried to be there for him as much as possible over the years. I tried to be there for him these past three months, but no one knows what really happened to him on Zaleer. No one except you. He told me that much; he told me he told you, and when I asked him about it all he said was _I knew Lance would listen and only say something if it needed to be said_.” Shiro turned to Iverson, then. “That right there is more valuable than people think. If we have Lance sit down with a therapist who can teach him the proper protocol of this position, I do not see the harm.”

Iverson fixed Lance with his one good eye for a long moment before sighing heavily and leaning back in his chair. “I remember when you were an annoying, loud-mouthed kid who never seemed to take anything seriously. Always making jokes. Always trying to be top of the class, but never succeeding.”

A statement like that would have riled Lance up before. It would have brought his inhibitions back with a vengeance and shut him down to everything else.

Now he only snorted. “Always wanting to be the hero without really knowing what that meant.” He leaned forward, giving Iverson a knowing smile. “But here’s the thing. There are different kinds of heroism. There are flashy kinds like the one I thought I wanted – with cheering crowds and throngs of adoring fans. But then there are the quiet kinds, too. There’s heroism in helping others. There’s heroism in knowing when to fight and when to back down. There’s heroism in accepting who you are and what your strengths are, not compared to anyone else.” He leaned back, shrugging. “I used to compare myself to Keith because he was the ultimate, unreachable goal I thought I wanted. But being there for him when he needed me feels so much more heroic than it ever would have felt to beat his simulator score.”

Iverson narrowed his eye, holding Lance in place with the intensity of his stare before slowly turning his head on Shiro. The smile on Shiro’s face said _I told you so_ as clearly as if he had spoken the words out loud.

The assurance that rose in Lance’s chest pushed his spine a little straighter as he sat up and raised an eyebrow at Iverson. “That was the right thing to say, wasn’t it?” He already knew the answer.

Iverson confirmed anyway, sounding exasperated. “It was the right thing to say.” He let out a long, begrudging sigh. “You’re still a cocky little shit aren’t you? But I agree. These kids could use someone like you in their lives. Probably some of the teachers, too.” He tapped the desk thoughtfully. “I will arrange for you to sit down with a therapist so we can cover our bases on the technicalities of this position, but until then –“ He held out a hand to Lance across the desk. “Congratulations, Mr. McClain. I think we can make this work.”

“We will be proud to have you working among us,” Shiro added softly – and for the first time in more years than he could remember, Lance felt like he had won.

 

 

The drive home was a blur.

The only part of the next hour Lance remembered was jumping out of the car after skidding to a stop in the driveway and running into the house. Keith was sitting at the kitchen table with Lance’s mother, helping her shuck ears of corn for dinner.

Lance didn’t need to say a word as he burst into the kitchen. Keith took one look at the grin on his face and was on his feet, hurrying around the table and swooping Lance up into a hug. Lance felt his feet leave the ground briefly as he was spun around. He buried his grin into the crook of Keith’s neck as he felt his feet touch back down.

He vaguely heard other voices join his mother’s in congratulations as more of his family members bustled into the kitchen, but the only one that really mattered to him in that moment was the quiet “I knew you could do it,” whispered in his ear – sounding proud and confident and fond.

And he was beyond caring; his heart was too full and his smile too big. “I couldn’t have done this without you,” he murmured the words into the warm skin of Keith’s neck.

 

 

 

 

Arrangements were quickly made, and for five days Lance would make the drive to the Garrison so he could sit down and learn the guidelines and protocols from a therapist for an hour or two.

Sometimes Keith accompanied him, seeking out Pidge or Shiro or even Curtis while he waited for Lance to finish. Once Lance had to go searching for him through the halls of the Garrison. He wandered around for about twenty minutes before he finally found Keith in the simulator room. There was a group of kids gathered around, and Lance had to pause in the doorway and simply watch as Keith gently offered advice and encouragement to the kid currently trying to get past level 3.

For the first time in over two years, everything seemed to finally be going well.

Keith was staying on Earth instead of risking his life somewhere in the void of space.

Shiro was getting married in a couple months, and anyone who interacted with him could almost see the happiness emanating from him like heat waves shimmering off a metal surface in the sun.

Hunk was planning to open a new restaurant in the fall.

Pidge and Matt were close to a breakthrough in some technological miracle they had explained to Lance multiple times and he still didn’t understand.

And he, himself, was finally going to stop wasting his life.

 

 

Except Lance was so caught up in how well he wanted things to be going, he missed the first sign that they were not quite as perfect as he had hoped.

 

 

He barely took note of the sound at first, as he was washing the dishes one evening – writing it off as the radio or TV from the living room. But as he slowly became more aware of the music, he realized it was the sound of someone singing in a hushed, soothing voice.

He dried his hands and padded quietly to the doorframe of the kitchen to peer into the other room.

Keith sat on the couch holding Nadia in his lap. His arms were wrapped around the little girl, and she had her head resting on his chest.

Keith rocked her back and forth gently, occasionally reaching up to brush the hair out of her face.

And all the while he sang to her – his voice full of a tenderness and love that made Lance’s heart wrench in his chest.

Lance had heard Keith sing or hum on very rare occasions – once when he thought the lion’s comms had been turned off, once when he was cooking breakfast before he thought anyone else was awake, once when he was very, very drunk…

As the song ended, Keith’s voice faded into a hum and then tapered off entirely, the little girl fast asleep against his chest. He smiled down at her, placing one gentle kiss against the top of her head.

It was only then that he looked up and saw Lance watching him.

But he didn’t look away immediately. He didn’t shrug it off or laugh in embarrassment. He simply let the moment stretch on, holding Lance’s gaze.

And in that moment, Lance saw a truth that took his breath away.

Carefully, silently, as to not wake the child, Lance moved to sit on the couch beside them. He didn’t need to speak. He didn’t need to ask, because Keith supplied the answer, unprompted.

“I didn’t know until I started staying with your family, here,” he explained. “Growing up, being bumped around from foster home to foster home, I never… But then I saw what family was supposed to be like and I started to wonder if maybe I could actually have that one day. Maybe I could help a kid like me. Maybe I could give them the home and the love they deserve.”

“I never knew you wanted kids.”

Keith smiled, but there was no joy in his expression. “Yeah, I did. For a while I really did.”

“You don’t anymore?”

“I can’t.”

“What do you mean? Is this about…your Galra side or something? Because there are aliens of all species living on Earth now, so –“

“No.” Keith drew in a breath, his eyes squeezing shut for just a moment before he opened them and fixed Lance with a look that broke his heart. “The life I’ve been given isn’t suited for anyone else. No matter what you or my mom say, I will return to the Blades because it’s the only place I’m useful – and I couldn’t… If I had a child to take care of I couldn’t just leave them because if I didn’t come back –“ his breath caught for just one moment before he got himself under control. “I know what that’s like, and I would never…”

This was all wrong, Lance decided. It took him a moment to realize exactly why it was so wrong, but when he did it became a thousand times worse.

He scooted closer on the couch, reaching up to brush Keith’s bangs out of his face. He wanted to hug him. He wanted to kiss him. He wanted something big and fierce and deep that had everything to do with his friend sitting on the couch beside him with a sleeping child in his arms.

“Keith,” he said. “I thought we agreed you are not going to be alone anymore.” He meant it in every way – every version of that sentence he couldn’t quite bring himself to say out loud. “If you want a family, it wouldn’t be just you. You don’t have to do anything that makes you unhappy and lonely anymore.”

Keith’s expression darkened. “A family would be amazing, but it’s not something I can have anymore. Not in the way I wanted. Not after…” Before Lance could open his mouth and say something earth-shattering and impulsive, Keith forced a smile onto his face – as if he could just brush this aside like it was nothing and move on. “Hey,” he added, his tone lighter than it should have been. “I know that if you wanted a family like that, though, you’d make a great dad. It would be a privilege if I could be around to see that, at least.”

Lance’s eyebrows pulled down into a fierce scowl. He knew Keith thought he was being subtle, but Lance had learned to pay attention. Specifically, he learned to pay attention when Keith used very deliberately chosen words that were usually the opposite of what he was feeling.

He got to his feet, looming over his friend. “Keith –“ his voice was low and cold. “Put her down on the couch and come with me.”

“Why?” Keith shifted, carefully laying Nadia against the couch cushions and slipping away. The little girl murmured in her sleep but did not wake.

As soon as Keith stood up, Lance wrapped a firm hand around his wrist. “Because,” he said, dragging Keith toward the front door. “She’s asleep and I don’t want to wake her up when I yell at you.”

Only after they were outside on the front porch did he let go of his hold on Keith. “You don’t get to do this.” He clenched his fists, turning sharply on his friend. “You don’t get to just give up on everything, man!”

“There’s a difference between giving up and accepting reality.”

“Not this. Not here. Not what you are talking about.”

Keith only sighed and slumped back against the side of the house. “I don’t want to do this now,” he said, gaze fixed stubbornly on the floorboards at his feet. “Everything has been going so well for you, and I’m not trying to drag it down by –“

It was too much. With Keith, it was always too much.

His head snapped around in surprise as Lance slammed a hand against the wall beside his ear. “No, we’re gonna do this now because it doesn’t matter if things are going well for me if they are terrible for you!” Keith went slightly cross-eyed as Lance shoved a finger in his face. “I told you already, I got to where I am right now because you helped me. I’m not going to just –“

“That’s the point,” Keith interrupted. “When was the last time you used our code?”

Lance was taken aback by that. He drew his hand away and rocked back on his heels. “What?”

“Our code,” Keith repeated. “You haven’t used it in months because you haven’t needed it. Because you _don’t need me_.” Each word fell – purposeful and pointed. “You’ve come so far and gotten through so much, but – but I think you’ve forgotten that while your life is all coming together, I’m not there yet. You want so badly for everything to be great and easy again, but it’s not for me.” He took a small step toward Lance, brushing his knuckles gently across Lance’s cheek. His thumb lingered on his cheekbone, and Lance knew he was pressing it against the Altean mark on his skin. “I’m really proud of you. I’m really happy for you. You are finally getting everything you deserve. I am not saying any of this to make you feel bad.” He let his hand fall heavily to his side as he slipped past Lance’s shoulder and started to move toward the porch stairs. “But it just proves to me more than anything that I’m still broken, and at this point I don’t think I will ever be together enough to get the life I used to want.”

Lance’s arm snaked out, wrapping around Keith’s waist and stopping him in his tracks. “I don’t believe you are broken,” he whispered firmly. “But I haven’t forgotten what you’ve been through. And you’re an idiot if you think I stopped needing you.”

 

 

He felt Keith’s fingers slide around his wrist – not pulling his arm away, simply holding it there. “If that’s true,” came the soft reply. “If a time comes when you feel that you do still need me, just use the code and I will believe you.” As Lance opened his mouth, Keith’s eyes snapped to his face, cold and piercing. “Not here,” he said. “Not now. But…if there is a moment sometime in the future. Just say the words.” His fingers tightened around Lance’s wrist. “At least maybe we can agree that if or when you have a huge, adoring family of your own, you might need me to babysit whenever you and your wife want to take the night off.” He pried Lance’s hand away and moved past, walking down the steps.

He was walking away, his words echoing on a loop through Lance’s head, and there was nothing left to do except –

 

“I don’t want a wife, Keith.”

 

Keith froze on the last step, one foot raised as he was about to take the final plunge off the porch and away from Lance. Slowly he turned back around, but the expression he wore was wrong.

Why was it so difficult for Lance to make him see?

Why was he looking so sad and lonely right now?

Why were his eyes wide and scared, like he’d just been caught in some horrible, unintended admission?

“I’m sorry,” Keith whispered. “I didn’t mean…I did not mean that you should move on from her. I know you’re still…” He swallowed and turned back around. “I’m sorry,” was all he said before taking that final step and hurrying across the lawn away from where Lance stood, watching his retreating back with dumbfounded and growing frustration.

 

“You meant you want a husband, right?”

“Yes. Fucking hell – see, you get it!” Immediately after the words left his mouth, Lance was whirling around – only to be met with the sight of an amused Veronica as she leaned against the doorframe behind him, both hands wrapped around a cup of coffee.

“I mean – shit –“ But there was no going back, now.

She quirked an eyebrow at him, trying to hide a smirk. “See, that’s why I am glad I’m never going to have a husband. So much trouble.”

“Oh please.” Lance gave her his best little brother glare, waving a hand in her face. “As if Acxa wouldn’t be just as difficult as he is! I bet the first time you told her you loved her she said something stupid.”

Veronica lowered her coffee cup, her lips twisting in an irritated pout as she matched his glare with one of her own. “Okay, fine. When I told her I loved her she just stared at me for about five minutes in silence and then asked – in absolute seriousness – _‘Were you talking to me?’”_

Lance let out a sound that was intended to be a laugh but ended in something closer to a groan. He stepped back to slump against the wall beside where she was leaning. “Why’d we do this to ourselves?” He waved a vague gesture towards the open air, indicating, as best he could, the world and life in general. “We could have had anyone – it could have been so easy!”

“Maybe we like to suffer?” Veronica mused. “Maybe we like a challenge?”

Lance snorted which made her glance over at him with a sympathetic and understanding smile.

“Maybe,” she added, nudging him with an elbow. “We’re both just hopeless, romantic idiots who have a type.”

“Yeah.”

For a while neither of them spoke. They listened as the open fields surrounding their house were slowly filled with the sounds of the creatures of the night.

Lance watched the sun dip below the horizon, painting the sky in deep shades of orange and purple. The sight of it sent a sharp pang through his chest as it transported him back to another sunset in another time and another place, before any heartbreak had occurred.

“I love him, Veronica.” It was the first time he had spoke the words out loud, and he didn’t know one tiny phrase could sound so foreign and yet so natural all at once. “And it’s more, you know? It’s bigger and stronger than what it should be. Even if I never tell him – even if I tell him and he rejects me – I think it won’t ever go away. I don’t think I ever want it to go away.”

 

_Do you have a word for how you feel about him?_

Did a word like that even exist that could encompass the feeling in his chest?

 

Veronica was quiet for a moment. When she spoke, it was one of the rare moments she was completely sincere and just being his older sister. “I understand why you haven’t told him yet. I can’t say what he feels for you, but anyone can see what you and Keith share is…special, and I know it’s frightening to think you might ruin that by confessing. Honestly –“ she let out a soft laugh. “I’ve caught myself being jealous of you two sometimes. Not that my relationship with Acxa is lacking anything. I am incredibly happy with her and I wouldn’t change a single thing, but…” She broke off suddenly, moving away from the doorframe to look into his face. “Do you remember when you first brought Allura home? When we ate dinner together?”

Lance frowned at her, wondering where she was going with this. “Um…of course. Why?”

“I was so confused. I know I had only seen you all interacting a little bit by then, but –“ She shook her head. “It just looked so obvious to me that there was _something_ between you and Keith, so I couldn’t understand why Allura was there. That’s why I brought him up. That’s why I asked if he was available – just so I could see your reaction.”

Lance hunched his shoulders at the memory. “You mean my reaction where I completely freaked out for no reason?”

She offered him a good-natured grin. “You might as well have said to me _Back off my man!_ I always suspected after that. And then when he started coming around here after you all returned for good…” She placed a hand on his shoulder. “Thank you for telling me, Lance. I know love hasn’t been easy for you. I know you’ve had your heart crushed.”

He gave her a self-deprecating shrug. “Yeah, well…it could very likely be crushed again, so…”

“He’s here, though. That has to count for something.” She glanced in the direction Keith had disappeared to. “Like I said, who knows what he feels, but…something tells me this is a huge step for him. A huge step in the right direction.” She turned back and smiled. “Now, since we had a nice little heart-to-heart, how about you come back inside and finish the damn dishes like Mama told you to do?”

 

 

 

 

That night, Lance was awoken by a soft knock on his bedroom door. He rolled out of bed and padded across the floor.

The sight of a tense, shaggy-haired Keith standing in his doorway came as no surprise.

Keith raised his head, looking at Lance like he was the only thing real that existed in that moment. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, hoarse and pleading. “I still need you.”

No words were needed after that as Lance took Keith by the hand and guided him to the bed.

Nothing else mattered for the two of them outside of the circle of their arms around each other; the soft sounds of their breathing in the quiet of the darkened room.

Lance held Keith, running his fingers again and again through his hair until the stiffness in his shoulders and the shaking of his hands melted away and he slowly allowed his body to relax.

Lance pressed his nose and mouth against Keith’s head, closing his eyes – simply breathing in and out, trying to be a solid, calming presence for his friend. Trying to convey all of his love and adoration without words. Trying to show Keith exactly how much he meant to Lance, and how much he was still needed.

Keith’s cheek had settled against Lance’s chest, one arm tucked snugly around his waist; fingers gripping the fabric of his teeshirt. There was something powerful and intimate about simply lying there in the dark, holding each other and breathing in unison. There was something tenuous and unknown shimmering in the air around them, as if it would shatter the moment either of them let go of the other.

Lance felt it in the assurance of his fingers sliding through Keith’s hair.

He felt it in the way Keith fit against his side as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

He felt it in the way Keith did not pull away from him as he pressed a lingering, tender kiss against his forehead.

 

Neither of them noticed at first.

It wasn’t until everything started to become slightly more visible in the dark of the room; until everything became just a little bit brighter and more clear.

Keith pulled away from Lance, his whole face illuminated by a soft, blue glow. His eyes were wide and shining and beautiful.

“Your marks are glowing.”

Lance drew back just a little, holding a hand up to his cheek. “What? They’ve never…done that before.” His eyes met Keith’s, full of confusion and wonder. “What does it mean?”

But Keith’s awed expression faded away as the glow began to dissipate. The last thing Lance saw clearly was a look of defeat as Keith let his head come back to rest against Lance’s shoulder.

“It means it’s time to stop pretending.”

 

 

 

 

Lance woke late the next morning to an empty bed and a feeling of trepidation in the pit of his stomach.

He was slow to get ready for the day and make his way downstairs because he was almost certain of what he was going to find there.

Or, more specifically, what he was going to _not_ find, and he wasn’t sure he would be able to handle walking through his family’s house only to realize one significant person was missing.

It was a feeling that had followed him around for a good portion of his life, trailing on his heels like a sad, miserable shadow. It was the feeling he got every time Keith left; every time he ran away without a word or an explanation. Every time he flew off to go fight evil and risk his life.

It made Lance feel hollow and alone. It scraped away at the walls of his heart a little more every time until he knew that one day there would be nothing left.

 

And so he steeled himself; preparing for the weight of that feeling, now.

Except, as he stepped into the empty kitchen, something outside the window caught his attention.

The heavy feeling that had been dragging him down was snatched away as Sylvio raced past the window, laughing wildly as he chased Keith around the side of the house.

Lance positioned himself to watch as the little boy planted his feet and raised his hand, index finger held out like a gun.

“I’ve got you now, pirate!” he yelled in glee. “You can’t escape a paladin of Voltron!”

Keith froze, slowly turning around with his hands up. “Oh no. I have heard of the paladins of Voltron.” He brought his hand down, imitating Sylvio’s gesture. “You’ll never take me alive, paladin!”

Lance only realized how wide he was grinning when his cheeks started to hurt. He relaxed, allowing himself to draw in one, giant calming breath. He turned away from the window, reaching for the coffee pot on the counter as he half listened to their voices muffled through the glass. He heard Syvlio shout _“Bang!”_ and glanced back just in time to see Keith stumble to a stop, swaying on his feet for a second before crumpling backwards onto the grass.

He was moving as soon as he saw Keith’s legs give out, shaking his head as he made his way toward the front door.

“Idiot,” he grumbled fondly under his breath. “If you’re ever going to have kids, you have to learn how to _play_ act. You can’t make it look so damn convincing.”

Sure enough, as he stepped outside and started to make his way over to where his nephew and Keith were, he heard Sylvio ask “Uncle Keith?” in a quavering voice.

“What’s wrong, Sylvio?” Lance called out, making the boy whirl around, revealing the wide, frightened look on his face. “Did you kill the evil pirate?”

“I didn’t mean to do anything, Uncle Lance, I swear!”

Lance would have laughed, but he knew better. Instead he knelt down beside Keith in the grass. “Okay, bud. I’m sure Uncle Keith is fine, but let’s check. After all, you are a paladin of Voltron so you are more powerful than you realize.”

The little boy shuffled over to stand behind Lance, one small hand gripping his shirt as Lance bent over Keith. He bit his lip to stop the grin from showing on his face.

“Sylvio, do you know the best way of checking to see if someone is alive or not?”

“N-no?”

“It’s different for every person, so it’s easier if you know them.” Lance placed one hand flat on Keith’s sternum, feeling the rise and fall of his ribcage. “You might want to stand back a little, bud. I’ve had to do this before with Uncle Keith, and it can get dangerous.”

Dutifully, Sylvio took several steps back.

“Okay, now, watch carefully,” Lance instructed, fully grinning at this point. “This is how we make sure Uncle Keith isn’t dead.” He jabbed his fingers into Keith’s side.

As predicted, Keith’s eyes flew open and he yelped, thrashing his limbs and trying to get away as Lance dug his fingers in more. Both of them were laughing as Lance caught one of Keith’s flailing arms as it flew by his head, narrowly missing smacking directly across his face.

It was Lance’s turn to yelp as, without warning, he was being grabbed and thrown onto his back in the soft grass. He tried to escape, but a weight pressed down on his hips. He looked up to see Keith straddling him, eyes shining with a wild glee, and blades of grass sticking haphazardly in his messy hair. He smirked down at Lance – and that was all it took for Lance to stop fighting.

Keith held out his index finger like a gun, pointing it directly at Lance’s nose. “What do you think, Sylvio?” he asked coolly. “Friend or foe?”

The boy wasn’t quite convinced, though. He sidled over to stand beside Keith, raising wide, sad eyes to him. “Are…are you okay, Uncle Keith?”

The way Keith reached out one arm to loop it around the boy’s shoulders while giving him a reassuring smile did bad things to Lance’s heart. “Yes, I’m okay.” Keith pulled slightly away, but kept his arm around the boy. “But do you know what I think?”

“What?”

“I think it’s time for the pirate and the paladin to team up to fight the real enemy!” He pressed his finger against the tip of Lance’s nose. “Have you ever fought a robeast before?”

“Oh, come on!” Lance protested from beneath his friend.

Sylvio perked up at that, though. “Does he have laser eyes?”

“Of course he does. And he’s got sonic blasters for hands – and super-speed. But you know what? I bet he’s got a weakness we can find.”

“But Uncle Lance isn’t ticklish.”

“Wait, not at all?” Keith looked down at Lance, genuinely curious. He narrowed his eyes. “Are you sure?”

Lance glared up at him – realizing too late that his expression was a challenge.

Keith’s fingers dug into his side, and Lance’s glare intensified as he squirmed. Keith’s fingers roamed up his sides a little before he stopped and stared down at Lance in bewilderment. “No way. How did I not know this?” he breathed before turning to Sylvio with a pout. “Try his feet.”

“I’m telling you, Uncle Lance is weird!” But Sylvio begrudgingly removed one of Lance’s shoes and plucked a blade of grass, making it dance lightly over the sole of his foot.

Keith watched Lance’s face for any sign of a reaction, but Lance only shrugged.

“Dude, I was the youngest of four siblings. I was forced to become tickle-immune as a defense mechanism!”

Keith shook his head. “Everyone has a weak spot.” His eyes narrowed.

Sylvio got to his feet, giving Keith a childish pat on the shoulder. “Just give up, Uncle Keith. You’re wasting your time.”

Lance flashed a cocky grin up at Keith, whose eyes narrowed even more.

Sylvio bent down and dropped his blade of grass onto Lance’s face. “Anyway, Uncle Keith, you keep sitting on him so he can’t get up, and I’m gonna go get a popsicle!”

Lance swiped the grass away, trying to wriggle away from Keith. “No – no! Your mom specifically told me –“

But Sylvio was already making a dash toward the house. “Can’t hear you!” he sang out, his laughter following him to the front door.

“At least get one for your sister as well!”

Lance gasped in indignation. “Keith! You’re going to ruin my good name as Best Uncle!”

Keith shook his head, his eyes sparkling. “I already told you, I’m going to be the type of uncle who lets the kids get away with stuff. That will automatically make me Best Uncle.”

 _You could be more than that._ The words were almost out of Lance’s mouth, but Keith decided at that moment to lean further over him, a smirk pulling at the corner of his lips.

“Now,” he said. “Back to the task at hand.”

“Wait, seriously?” Lance gaped at him. “You’re really not going to let me up until you find my so-called _weak spot?”_ He brought his fingers up, curling them in air quotations.

Keith’s smirk stretched farther. “Yup!”

“You’re not going to find one.” Despite Lance’s words, his heart was beating faster. “I see this is just a ploy for you to touch my body. I see through your perverted game, here!”

Keith only raised an eyebrow. His fingers dug lightly into Lance’s side again. “Okay, so we’ve established it’s not here. Or here –“ His fingers trailed up to Lance’s ribs.

Lance rolled his eyes with a groan of resignation. “You know what? Fine. Go to town.” He raised his arms over his head, letting them flop to the grass and leaving himself completely unguarded. “I have no weak spots. Do whatever you want.”

He had turned his face away, staring off to the side and trying to appear bored. When there was no response from Keith, either verbally or physically, he turned his head back, lifting a brow quizzically.

 

If Lance had been able to think back on this moment rationally, he would have realized it was most likely the only time in all the years they had known each other Keith had caught onto an implication before he had.

Raising his arms above his head…

Keith’s weight pressing down on his hips.

Keith’s fingers against his side.

_Do whatever you want._

Lance was pinned to the ground by the expression on Keith’s face, suddenly finding it a little hard to catch his breath.

Because there was want in his eyes.

There was something yearning and fiery and hungry and scared.

There was something there – an expression Lance had never seen before, and now that he had, he never wanted it directed at anyone but himself.

 

 

Slowly – never breaking eye contact – Keith dragged his hand upwards. Lance’s eyes fluttered shut as Keith’s fingers slid up the side of his face, nails combing through his hair.

“That’s not a weak spot,” Lance murmured, his eyes opening halfway, feeling a little dazed and fuzzy. “Everybody likes a head rub.”

 _Keep denying it,_ his mind supplied. _The more you deny, the more he’s going to touch you._

“I’d still count that as a weak spot.” The mood had shifted, Keith’s voice dropping into something low and intimate as he leaned closer, still.

Lance’s heart was in his throat – and he had had enough. Keith was looking at him like that and running his fingers through his hair – and this _had_ to be mutual. “I don’t know,” he whispered, throwing caution to the wind. “I think you should keep looking.”

Lance wanted to grab Keith as he unconsciously bit his lip. He wanted to take him by the hips and guide him so there was no space left between their bodies. He wanted to reach up and wind his fingers through Keith’s hair, tugging his head down until their lips met. He wanted to touch, and move, and breathe together – but the rational, unclouded corner of his mind was screaming at him to hold; to let Keith dictate the moves here, and he knew it was right. He knew too much too soon could shatter this precarious line they were currently walking, and so he fought down the things his body was urging him to do.

As hard as he fought, however, he couldn’t stop one hand from grazing up Keith’s knee until his fingers gripped lightly around his thigh. It was the one allowance he gave into – watching Keith’s face the whole time for any sign of distress.

Lance tried to breathe evenly as Keith let his fingers slide along the curve of his jawbone, his thumb smoothing tenderly over Lance’s bottom lip.

“Keep looking, Keith,” Lance whispered. “Whatever you want.”

There faces were only inches apart, now, and Lance couldn’t help but tilt his head up just enough so their noses brushed together. His lips parted expectantly as he felt Keith’s warm breath on his skin. He closed his eyes, his heart racing –

 

But the touch never came.

 

 

The warmth, the comfort, the gentle touches vanished in an instant as Keith’s eyes flew wide. He pushed himself up, sliding off of Lance and staggering to his feet.

Lance’s breath was coming unevenly, his heart beating erratically. He was confused and turned on and lightheaded as he rose up to a standing position, one hand reaching out. “Keith, wait –“

But Keith was shaking. He stumbled several steps away, and Lance hurried after him, both hands extended now in what he hoped was a calming gesture.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Lance.” Keith’s voice was choked with a mess of fear and guilt and grief. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have –“

“Hey, everything is fine. Please don’t apologize to me! I wanted –”

“I know what you want!” The crack in Keith’s voice was like a spike being driven through Lance’s heart. “I know what you deserve, and it’s –“ He broke off, drawing in a huge, shuddering breath. “It’s someone kind and strong and beautiful, and – and –“

Lance took another step forward. He opened his mouth to respond – to tell him that yes, _yes it was_ – but Keith wasn’t finished.

“I tried to bring her back.”

The words made no sense. “What are you talking about?”

“Allura!” Keith spat the name at him, driving the spike in further. “I tried to bring her back for you. I did so much research, I talked to so many species; so many religions. I visited so many worlds trying to gather whatever information I could. I even tried to contact her spirit. I tried to tell her how she had broken your heart and she was the only one who could make you whole again. I tried to tell her how much you needed her! I tried to explain to her how simple it would be to switch. I tried to bargain and reason – because it was just a life, right? An even exchange –“

“Keith, what are you talking about?” Lance shouted the words in an attempt to break the wall of ice rapidly growing around his heart – because he thought he knew exactly what Keith was saying. He thought he knew, and he wanted with every part of his being for his suspicion to not be true.

Keith let out a growl of annoyance. He was pacing back and forth, hands clenching and flexing – all his movements forceful and staccato. Lance’s question drew his attention away from his own inner turmoil, and he turned on his friend, eyes fierce and blazing. “I asked her to take my life. I tried to give her my life so she could take it and live again. It should have been that simple. Why didn’t she ever answer me? I know she heard me. I told her everything. I explained everything, so why didn’t she listen? You needed her and you were stuck with me, and I couldn’t –”

 

Once when Lance was younger, he had had a wave crash into him, knocking the air from his lungs and dragging him under the surface. He had thrashed around, panicking and running out of air until finally he was able to fight his way back to the surface.

It was the same feeling he was experiencing now: His lungs constricting, some dark and heavy force pulling at his legs; panic clawing at his heart…

He tried to fight against it, but it was too much, and it wasn’t passing.

He was fighting, but he couldn’t find the surface.

The world was darkening around him. His legs were giving out.

He tried to say Keith’s name – to call out to him – and he must have made some sound because suddenly he felt Keith’s hands on his arms, holding him steady; holding him up.

Keith’s touch was warm and familiar; a rope he could grasp onto.

Keith’s voice – faint and slightly panicked – sounded of comfort and friendship and _home_. It was enough to calm Lance’s racing heart so he could respond to the demands and questions heard through the water in his brain as to whether or not he was okay.

 

He _was_ okay.

Keith’s arms around him, guiding him to kneel on the ground made it okay.

Keith’s hand running up and down the length of his spine made it okay – and he was finally able to fight his way back to the surface.

One of Lance’s hands latched onto Keith’s shirt collar as he forced himself out of the darkness threatening to swallow him whole.

“She didn’t listen –“ he gasped, trying to catch his breath. “Because she – she wasn’t the only one who could make me whole again. Bringing her back w-wouldn’t have made me…whole. I made _myself_ whole again because _you_ were there to help me.”

“You made yourself whole again with pieces of me.”

Lance blinked at the grass beneath his legs for a few seconds, not understanding. He recognized that tone in Keith’s voice – the voice he used when there was nowhere left to hide; when he said the things he truly felt.

Slowly, Lance raised his head and was met with cold, glittering eyes.

Suddenly, Keith was not the calming, grounding presence he had been a moment ago as he pulled Lance from the depths of his mind.

He was small and angry and shaking – his jaw clenched tight and his eyes wild.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Keith scoffed. As his hands fell away from Lance’s arms and he rose to his feet, turning to walk away, the feeling from the morning returned with a vengeance, pressing against Lance’s ribs until he was certain they would crack.

Anger and desperation pushed back against the pressure building inside him. “Keith! Don’t you walk away from me right now!”

“I should have walked away from you years ago!”

And Lance couldn’t handle this. He couldn’t handle the words Keith was saying. He couldn’t handle the anguish in his voice or the defeat in his eyes as he glanced back at Lance, still kneeling on the ground.

“I took it too far. I let myself wish too much. I was selfish, but I just wanted you to be happy! I wanted you to be whole – so I was content to keep giving away pieces of myself if it made you smile or sleep through the night without nightmares. I would have given you everything…but I don’t have anything left to give!” Keith’s arms moved like he was wielding a blade – lashing out, precise and deadly. “I can’t do anything for you anymore. I let myself pretend for too long. I held on too long when I knew all along I would have to let go eventually. So I’m letting go, Lance. I should have walked away from you years ago – so I’m doing it now. And this time I promise I really will stay away. That’s what you always wanted, right?”

Lance’s desperate, horrified cry of his name cut through the mid-morning air – but Keith was already turning. He sprinted across the yard and disappeared around the side of the house, and a moment later, Lance heard the roar of his bike engine. He listened as the sound grew fainter, fading away until he couldn’t hear it anymore.

Lance was left kneeling on the grass in absolute shock, still trying to catch his breath and process what had just happened.

“He’s gonna come back,” he whispered to himself. “He didn’t mean that. Any moment now, he’s going to come running back.”

 

He had to come back, Lance’s mind reasoned. There was no other option. After everything they had been through – together and separately – there was no way Keith could just leave like that. He couldn’t just run away this time like none of it mattered.

And yet he couldn’t get Keith’s voice out of his head: _I asked her to take my life._

 

That wasn’t what Lance wanted, and he silently thanked Allura for knowing that.

Because he knew, now, if it had been the other way around, he would not have recovered. If Allura had shown up on his doorstep one day and told him she was back because Keith had given up his life so she could live again, he wouldn’t have been happy.

 

Because it was different.

It had always been different.

 

What Lance wanted, now, was something he had always wanted – even before he understood what it was.

He wanted playfulness.

He wanted danger.

He wanted tears and laughter, and clinging to someone else because they were the only thing keeping you together.

He wanted warmth and softness and whispers in a darkened room.

_It was just a bad dream._

_You make me happy._

_Sweetheart._

He wanted fury and passion, and all the things that came from deep within the heart.

He wanted to stand with someone hand in hand, facing down the world.

And he knew in a thousand lifetimes, a thousand realities, a thousand galaxies, there was only one person in all existence who could give him what he wanted.

 

So Keith had to come back.

He had to.

Because if this was the last time they –

 

“Lance?”

He had no idea how long he had been sitting there, lost in his own mind. He had not heard Veronica and Acxa arrive home. He had not even seen them until they were crouching beside him on the grass.

“We heard yelling,” Veronica said, one hand on Lance’s shoulder. “Is everything okay?”

But it wasn’t his sister he turned to. It wasn’t his sister he sought out through the tears running down his cheeks and dripping onto his clenched hands.

Because he didn’t need to explain it to Acxa.

She had been there on Zaleer. She had been by his side and seen his reactions, and the minute their eyes met, he knew she understood.

She did not say anything. She only took one of his hands in her own – carefully uncurling his fingers and gently massaging the ache and stiffness from his bones.

And even though Lance knew words were not necessary in this moment, they beat at the inside of his head, ripping through his chest and dragging his heart down and down and down…

The strength of the words was overwhelming, as if biting them back was like holding a hurricane in his chest. But when they finally slipped from his throat, they were small and soft and broken:

 

“Acxa, I don’t think he’s coming back.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](https://erithel.tumblr.com/)   
>  [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ErithEl)   
>  [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/erithel/?hl=en)   
>  [Voltron Comic](https://tapas.io/episode/1299614)

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a schedule for when the following chapters will be coming out, but I hope to not have you wait too long. 
> 
> I love comments, so please let me know what you think! As a warning, though – due to the future content of this story, if I deem a comment to be offensive or inappropriate, it will be deleted.


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